The Process-Orientated Approach

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Buzz Lightyear, May 27, 2018.

  1. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Hello all. Back again after an extended hiatus from this site [something I would recommend everyone from time to time]. Well, what I found to eventually work for me was not the orthodox white-knuckle '90 day challenge' but a process-orientated approach where I focused primarily on building a resiliency within my self. I lapsed from time, as one does when they are addicted to something, but also put together a string of extended streaks. These had the effect of reducing the urge, and building a resiliency. Not only did I get to the point of using only once a week [where before it was several times], the length of time of an 'episode' reduced drastically from those binges of a few hours... down to just a quick release. Effectively, what happened over a period of time, was that I lost my taste for P... I can now think of it in turns of 'Yuck!'.

    So in sum, I think we can overcome this addiction.. powerful as it is. I think we can fully recover, and I'd also suggest that some who feel like they are making no progress... with the standard model of complete white-knuckling abstinence, might want to give this model a go.

    Feel free to ask any questions. Good luck.

    By the way, I'd say that this process, from the desire to quit to recovery, took me three years [about 2 year's ago, I joined this site]
     
    Last edited: May 27, 2018
  2. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    Hey @Buzz Lightyear, good to see you back on here - right in the success section! It's great that this alternative approach has been working out for you. This might inspire others.

    Trying to live your life without this site now and then is something I can relate to as well.

    A few months ago I was desperate because I couldn't bring up any perseverance in cold turkey abstinence anymore myself. So I tried casual M without P and kept it up for ~70 days. I wasn't proud of it, but at least I didn't watch any P. I relapsed like 15 times, though, when I came back to my home country (into a different environment). Finally, I decided to do actual hard mode again, and right now I have 50 days on my counter, which is my 2nd best streak ever (best one: 240 days, still far away). It's hard to tell whether my alternative approach has helped me or not. I guess everyone needs to find out for himself. However, if you've been really long on the site as the two of us are (soon it will be three years for me, too), it is certainly a good idea to try around a little.

    May you never relapse (and if you do, do not give in to the chaser effect).
     
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  3. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Yes, I think an experimental approach is helpful at time... as long as you have the right intentions. People have to do whatever they can to try and break the addiction... there is no point just banging your head against a brick wall. As they say, that's the definition of madness. Either that, or people just give up.
     
  4. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    I agree that trying to brute force your way to 90 days and beyond tends not to work, and honestly its pretty unrealistic a method to begin with, unless you already have the willpower of a saint or Shaolin monk, which if you did, you wouldn't be a PMO addict. Instead I try to base my recovery process on three equally important pillars; willpower, distractions, and support.

    Starting with willpower, of course to succeed at anything you need some level of willpower, otherwise you will inevitably fail, but the trick for me is to balance it out with the other two. If you can successfully distract yourself from urges and PMO, then you wont need to use your willpower the whole time, only to start the distraction. This ensures that when the urges get so bad that distractions dont work, you arent already mentally exhausted from trying to fight back against lots of smaller episodes and have a better chance of resisting the big ones. Support works in a similar way; when urges hit, dont always look to distract, instead talk to you AP, post a thread, or even just leave a few comments for others on the site, reinforce belief by getting and giving support.

    I'm only at day 14 so cant say with certainty that this method works, but its worked so far and might be worth trying.
     
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  5. Jazzmusician

    Jazzmusician Fapstronaut

    As you can see, I am just at the beginning. So if I understand your approach correctly you were not going for absolute abstinence to Orgasm.

    Even though I just decided on the white knuckle approach, I don't know how long this will continue. Not watching porn is compared to fighting natural urges relatively easy, but it seems that for some of us 'giving in' equals 'you are weak' so why not be the weak person I have been before?
     
  6. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Ok, so my approach recognizes the reality that you will lapse. If you are an addict, you will, by definition lapse.

    So you need to envisage a process, a length of time, where you alter your state from addiction to recovery [yes, you have to believe that you can recover/ overcome the addiction].

    So rather than an excuse to lapse, you will do your best. the counter is there to test your resolve... and as your 'stretches' [of abstinence] lengthen, you feel a newfound resilience growing in you.

    At some point there is a shift in the 'balance of power' within your psychology. You no longer feel the complete compulsion to use, but you might still use from time to time [when bored etc] out of habit. This is progress... you have moved from addiction to habit.

    And here you are on the home stretch, each time you lapse should become less pleasurable. You have not only built a resiliency, but also an aversion to pornography. Being more sensitive now, your lapses become more painful and more costly to your improved state of mind/ psychology/ well-being. Here is added incentive to hit the habit on the head for good!

    Hope this helps. Good luck!
     
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  7. Max Fisher

    Max Fisher Fapstronaut

    Progress not perfection.
     
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  8. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    And quality besides quantity.
     
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  9. Jazzmusician

    Jazzmusician Fapstronaut

    That's more or less what I am intending to do. I know that I am not mr. Perfect.
     
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