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The Real Reason Habits Matter: Your Identity

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by DesRevived, Nov 7, 2019.

  1. DesRevived

    DesRevived Fapstronaut

    From I've learnt from recently reading the book Atomic Habits, the real reason habits matter is not because they can get you better results (although they can do that), but because they can change your beliefs about yourself.

    The reason why many people easily give up building a good habit such as exercising or breaking bad ones such as PMO is due to their beliefs. It's hard to change your habits if you never change the underlying beliefs that led to your past behaviour. You have a goal and a new plan, but you haven't changed who you are.

    This is perhaps the greatest reason why relapses occur. There's something wrong with your beliefs and identity that needs to be changed.

    The ultimate form of intrinsic motivation is when a habit becomes part of your identity. There's a difference in saying "I'm the type of who wants this" and"I'm the type of person who is this".

    It's not about having something but about becoming someone; the focus should always be on becoming that type of person, not getting a particular outcome.
    • The goal is not to read a book, the goal is to become a reader
    • The goal is not to run a marathon, the goal is to become a runner
    • The goal is not to learn an instrument, the goal is to become a musician
    Research has shown that once a person believes in a particular aspect of their identity, they are most likely to act in alignment with that belief. Becoming the best versions of yourself requires you to continuously edit your beliefs, and to upgrade and expand your identity.

    The most practical way to change who you are is to change what you do.
    • Each time you write a page, you are a writer
    • Each day you avoid porn, you are not an addict
    • Each time you start a workout, you are an athlete
    • Each time you avoid junk foods, you are a healthy person
    A simple two-step process to changing your identity:
    1. Decide the type of person you want to be.
    2. Prove it to yourself with small wins.
    First, decide who you want to be. What do you want to stand for? What are your principals and values? Who do you wish to become? You may not sure where to begin and that's fine. Start there and work backwards from the results you want to the type of person who could get those results. Ask yourself, "Who is the type of person that could get the outcome I want?"

    Here are some examples to get you started: (Or read my own beliefs in the comments)
    • I'm a person who does not watch porn and masturbates
    • I'm the kind of student who never procrastinates by doing her homework right away after school
    • A healthy person is someone who exercises at least thrice per week and avoids junk foods
    • I'm a confident person who can socialize and make more friends
    Secondly, you have to prove that you are that type of person through small wins. Small wins are evidence that you becoming the person you want to be.

    Write in the comments of the type of person you want to become and how are you gonna prove it.

    You have the power to change your beliefs about yourself. Your identity is not set in stone. You have a choice in every moment. You can choose the identity you want to reinforce today with the habits you chose today. This is THE REAL REASON HABITS MATTER.
  2. DesRevived

    DesRevived Fapstronaut

    Here is mine:

    I want to become a professor that contributes my research to society. I want my research to benefit society than just what I discovered. Who is the type of professor that can do this?

    • A professor is knowledgable. He is an active learner; he reads a lot of books, science magazines, and online articles. He also watches documentaries. To be knowledgeable is to be curious and understanding the concept of that particular topic.
    • A professor is someone who is kind and caring. He is always there for his students whenever they need help; he helps them to excel in their own studies. He cares for his family as much as his friends, colleagues, and students.
    • A professor is hardworking; he doesn't procrastinate his work. He doesn't get distracted by checking his phone and social media stuff while researching and writing his research paper.
    • A professor is positive, confident and makes anything interesting. He speaks with confidence and makes lectures fun and engaging for the students.
    • A professor is not an addict. He doesn't watch porn and masturbates, smoke or drink because he knows the consequences of it.
    • A professor is healthy. He eats more fruits and veggies; he eats less sugary and fatty foods. He exercises at least thrice per week to boost his brainpower and health.
    Deforio11 likes this.
  3. Deforio11

    Deforio11 Fapstronaut

    thank you for giving us this information, it helped a lot to better understand your habits and how to change your life, thank you very much
    DesRevived likes this.

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