The reason why you are addicted to "sissy-porn"

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Syx19, Feb 17, 2018.

  1. Steven12191

    Steven12191 Fapstronaut

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    Well I’m still watching porn and jerking off non stop, in my time on the internet i found a very discrete hookup site and turns out there’s a ton of gay dudes and active cruising locations around me and my work. I don’t know exactly what I’m gonna end up doing with this information but I’ve been texting random men anonymously all day trying to get a quick hookup lined up. Much easier said then done when you live with your gf and she can track your phone. I know I’m a monster actively trying to cheat on my gf but I just don’t know what to do anymore.
    my sex drive is really weird and messed up, I haven’t cum in days but sometimes when I get exited I just start… pouring a little bit. Me and my girlfriend were kinda playing around earlier and she put my legs up and started dry humping me and I started leaking like crazy. Im scared to let her peg me because I’d literally orgasm the second she would put it in and that’s embarrassing
     
  2. First of all im happy that you didnt relapse i know how hard it sucks when you have all this thougths in your mind when you dont have the power over your own mind but i think youre making progress i mean i see a lot more self reflection in your text

    And yeah sadly the part that makes your life better and yourself happier is way harder then just watching porn or doing this other stuff but its worth it i actually relapsed aswell a few days ago just "normal" porn but yeah it still didnt feel great but im trying to get back on track now

    And i also struggle with similar thougths about girls i mean its so much easier to have sex with men then with women like if ypure a girl and look decent you could just ask people in a club if they wanna fuck you and you will find someone if i do that i get slapped in the face but thats just how it is we have to deal with it
     
  3. Steven12191

    Steven12191 Fapstronaut

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    I didn’t and I still haven’t but I’m getting closer and closer. This site im on is similar to grindr and I’m even more scared of meeting someone from there. At that point I’d rather just anonymously go to a glory hole and never see or interact with the person. Off a website just feels like blatant cheating where I have to talk to them, flirt with them, find their adress and drive over. I’m just not sexually satisfied anymore and I feel like sex with men is just so much better in every way. Yea I could fuck my girlfriend and cum and then that’s it. Or. I could have prostate orgasm after prostate orgasm and exist in a state of total bliss. Pussy just doesn’t compare ‍♂️
     
  4. Steven12191

    Steven12191 Fapstronaut

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    Well I decided to talk to my girlfriend about it again before I get to the point of going through with any of this and cheating on her. I told her how bad my cravings get and how horrible I feel about all of it. That helped but honestly I might take up vaping instead to try and sub one addiction for the other. We went out last night to buy her a new vape after she quit for a couple months, I always stayed away from nic and smoking becuase my dad warned me about how nasty of an addiction it is and how hard it is to stop, and I can clearly see that in every single friend i have that vapes the second they don’t have their vape. I took a rip off it on the drive home and was shocked just how close of a high it gave me compared to my other addiction. I felt alright after I hit her vape. I hate the idea of getting hooked on vaping but honestly if I can substitute my addiction to glory holes with a flavored air stick, maybe vaping isn’t so bad. I don't wanna loose her and I cant even begin to imagine how many of my personal problems in this relationship are caused by me being in a constant state of fighting the thoughts of cheating on her and holding back the version of me that comes out when I relapse.
     
  5. I honestly really struggle to find out what i should reply to you i wanna give you advice or help you but i dont think i have the answers

    I think starting to smoke wont help you in the long run it migth help you now to deal with your porn adiction but once you get used to it the effect will probably not be as big as it is now and then you just have another bad addiction that costs a lot of money and potentialy could kill you

    I also tried to cope with my problems by using drugs and it never helped it only made things worse

    The thing is i talked to so many guys about this addiction but i never met anyone who actually had sex with men and also im kinda confused because you they way you talk about it doesnt make me feel like you didnt enjoy it

    I mean is this just because youre horny or why is that like how did you feel rigth after it because i always hated everything about it rigth after i orgasmed i was sitting infront of my screen like why the fuck did i do this again thats not me this is disgusting but then 5 minutes later i switched back to the mindset i had before i orgasmed
     
  6. BoboFett

    BoboFett Fapstronaut

    wow, I haven't read the whole thread, just the first post. Sissy stuff sounds real fucked up. Like, as I understand it - sissy means that you want to be a girl?, So yea thats kind of gay and I never had those thoughts, The closest thing I got to it was like trans porn, but I only wanked to that cause I liked the fact that trans girls had smaller butts but when I discovered that trans meant they actually have a dick aswell I just looked for porn of girls with small butts instead, but yea.
     
  7. Steven12191

    Steven12191 Fapstronaut

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    It’s not that I didn’t enjoy it, masturbation is still enjoyable and very “fun” until you realize what you did and all of a sudden it’s not very fun and you’re left shaking and cold feeling completely hollow and empty. Everything with this addiction is so confusing. Everything i think is brought into such extreme scrutiny. I don’t feel like any decision I make is the right one, even opening this forum feels like the wrong choice. Having a girlfriend also makes me even more confused. Am I addicted to this porn because she doesn’t make me feel fulfilled? Am I addicted because I’m not sexually satisfied with her? Is it maybe all her fault? Is it mine? Should I talk to her about it more? Or am I just going to freak her out eventually and never be able to genuinely communicate again with her because she’ll be scared of me. Does she not like me because she doesn’t see me as a man and I can’t satisfy her in bed? There’s literally a million questions running though my head constantly and it scares me. I just find myself comparing what my current situation is to an easy fantasy of having a boyfriend to want sex from me all the time because she doesn’t really seem to. Also after trying that shit for one day I got suuuuper nic sick, threw up like 4 times and pretty much decided that that was a super stupid idea and definitely not something I should consider. vaping is more gay then sucking dick on second thought.
     
  8. Steven12191

    Steven12191 Fapstronaut

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    It’s this whole genre of hypnosis videos that are made to fucking program your brain as hard as possible. It’s like those YouTube kids videos with all the bright flashing colors made to wire their brains to the screen but made for insecure men instead. You watch it for a little and your brain gets hooked on the dopamine, but there’s this deep shame that it also gives you with it. you’re watching this porn that’s telling you that you’re weak, incompetent, pathetic and not a man. The way they play it hooks your subconscious to it and then you start feeling like less and less of a man. It destroys any and all of the confidence you might have and reinforces it with bullshit about how you should be a woman and how much easier it is. Trying to beat it is like trying to overcome a heroin addiction.
     
  9. BoboFett

    BoboFett Fapstronaut

    Woaw man, you shouldnt ask a girl to give you road head only the wrong type would do that. Plus it can lead to an accident. Most girls with good sense would probably feel some kind of disrespect if you did that. And thats probably the biggest issue I see in what you said.
     
  10. BoboFett

    BoboFett Fapstronaut

    I saw hypnosis porn videos, like where its in POV and the girl hypnotises you and does kinky stuff to you. Even some videos where she would say and do bad things to you. But it never made me feel less of a man or weak - I did it for the kink that the porn would give me. I think its peoples own real life experiences being expressed through Porn. You need to find the root cause of the issue -
     
  11. Steven12191

    Steven12191 Fapstronaut

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    She’s done it before and isn’t against it or offended by it. We’ve been dating over a year and I know what I can ask for and what I cant. I don’t even ask for anything anymore, this one a rare time where I wanted to try expressing what I wanted
     
  12. BoboFett

    BoboFett Fapstronaut

    .......k IDK then.
     

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