The reason why you are addicted to "sissy-porn"

Well I decided to talk to my girlfriend about it again before I get to the point of going through with any of this and cheating on her. I told her how bad my cravings get and how horrible I feel about all of it. That helped but honestly I might take up vaping instead to try and sub one addiction for the other. We went out last night to buy her a new vape after she quit for a couple months, I always stayed away from nic and smoking becuase my dad warned me about how nasty of an addiction it is and how hard it is to stop, and I can clearly see that in every single friend i have that vapes the second they don’t have their vape. I took a rip off it on the drive home and was shocked just how close of a high it gave me compared to my other addiction. I felt alright after I hit her vape. I hate the idea of getting hooked on vaping but honestly if I can substitute my addiction to glory holes with a flavored air stick, maybe vaping isn’t so bad. I don't wanna loose her and I cant even begin to imagine how many of my personal problems in this relationship are caused by me being in a constant state of fighting the thoughts of cheating on her and holding back the version of me that comes out when I relapse.

 

It’s not that I didn’t enjoy it, masturbation is still enjoyable and very “fun” until you realize what you did and all of a sudden it’s not very fun and you’re left shaking and cold feeling completely hollow and empty. Everything with this addiction is so confusing. Everything i think is brought into such extreme scrutiny. I don’t feel like any decision I make is the right one, even opening this forum feels like the wrong choice. Having a girlfriend also makes me even more confused. Am I addicted to this porn because she doesn’t make me feel fulfilled? Am I addicted because I’m not sexually satisfied with her? Is it maybe all her fault? Is it mine? Should I talk to her about it more? Or am I just going to freak her out eventually and never be able to genuinely communicate again with her because she’ll be scared of me. Does she not like me because she doesn’t see me as a man and I can’t satisfy her in bed? There’s literally a million questions running though my head constantly and it scares me. I just find myself comparing what my current situation is to an easy fantasy of having a boyfriend to want sex from me all the time because she doesn’t really seem to. Also after trying that shit for one day I got suuuuper nic sick, threw up like 4 times and pretty much decided that that was a super stupid idea and definitely not something I should consider. vaping is more gay then sucking dick on second thought.

 

It’s this whole genre of hypnosis videos that are made to fucking program your brain as hard as possible. It’s like those YouTube kids videos with all the bright flashing colors made to wire their brains to the screen but made for insecure men instead. You watch it for a little and your brain gets hooked on the dopamine, but there’s this deep shame that it also gives you with it. you’re watching this porn that’s telling you that you’re weak, incompetent, pathetic and not a man. The way they play it hooks your subconscious to it and then you start feeling like less and less of a man. It destroys any and all of the confidence you might have and reinforces it with bullshit about how you should be a woman and how much easier it is. Trying to beat it is like trying to overcome a heroin addiction.

 

She’s done it before and isn’t against it or offended by it. We’ve been dating over a year and I know what I can ask for and what I cant. I don’t even ask for anything anymore, this one a rare time where I wanted to try expressing what I wanted

 

Sucks I can relate to this, but it’s true. I never had or used anything to masturbate like sex toys, womens clothes, lingerie, etc. This is what I have been dealing with for MONTHS and it’s so draining. I hate it a lot and I’m trying to stop. It’s very hard though and with this journey and I’m so scared to relapse over and over again. Today for me marks day 1 and I haven’t masturbated. I just want this to end. Thank you for this.

 

Thank you, it sucks because everyday I’m questioning my sexuality. It also sucks because it makes my depression worse everyday. I like this journey because it feels like it can help my addiction, depression, and anxiety. It’s really draining to go through this. I can’t even look at guys without having a gay thought because of all this porn I have been watching. Its been a day and it’s bad but I feel as it is getting better. I love the community on this app because we can all relate to each other and we are trying to change. Thank you again man, Merry Christmas Eve brother

 

Hello everyone, it’s been honestly pretty good since I last checked in. I’m feeling better in pretty much every aspect of my life. My new job is not stressful and the money is incredible, me and my girlfriend are doing a lot better, I have a lot more control over my thoughts and feelings. Everything about my life just seems to be going on the right track and I’m super optimistic about going into 2023. I think this might genuinely be the year that I fully quit porn. I’ve been non stop watching porn almost daily for the last 15 years and after months and months of struggling to understand what gives me anxiety and how to stop it and prevent the porn addiction cycle from continuing to control my life. I can think clearly now. Im trying to cut out all of the electronic junk out of my routine and junk food out of my body. Im sick of feeling like a baby glued to a screen even just scrolling through Instagram. I plan on completely quitting porn for all of 2023. Merry Christmas y’all

 

Hey man that’s great to hear, I wish I can feel the same. I’m just starting my journey to stopping, I started the other day and already relapsed but I know some of my problems. I hope you have a prosperous and healthy new year and Merry Christmas