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The rewiring process

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Congenital, Jan 28, 2018.

  1. Congenital

    Congenital Fapstronaut

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    G'day mates

    I'm a 24 year old male currently studying at university who's been addicted to m and looking at material (mainly pics of women in swimsuits, but lately I've grown a bit tired of this and started watching scenes from movies of people making out /performing sexual acts on each other as well as more revealing photo shoots) while acting out. I started when I was 15 years old and it continued on till I was 18. After this I managed to abstain from m and looking at material for about three and a half years. I relapsed 10 months ago. Since then I've been acting out every three days on average.

    Looking back I'm actually "happy" I relapsed. I didn't work on my sexual sobriety as one should and I didn't deal with other problems in my life. It's true what they say: a relapse happens long before you finally act out . I should have been eating more healthy, meditating, dealing with other issues in my life etc. Little by little I started holding on to triggers and entertain them. The day I acted out, I was devastated. It was an awful feeling, but deep down, I remember a feeling of hope coming to me as well. I told myself I'll use this moment to start working with myself on every area of my life. I now realize how different times where when it comes to my addiction: the disease of addiction didn't have the same gravitational pull on me during my abstinence. Sure, triggers popped up from time to time, but I accepted them and I'd let them go. It's a wonderful feeling, when you've taught your brain to delay gratification by creating new neural pathways. After a while, masturbation is just not an option. I still had other problems which I should have dealt with, but I miss that period of control in my life. You look at women in a different way. I’ll use this as one of my motivations.

    As I’ve said on average I act out every third day. Sometimes one time a day for a little period (a few days). Sometimes I act out multiple times a day. So the acting out part for me is irregular. Personally, I become less motivated and more lazy when I act out. I start to postpone important things. I start to objectify women etc. The material I watch is of course harmful to my brain. Also, researchers have pointed out that some habits, like exercise and eating healthy, will cause one to automatically improve other areas of life. One tend to make better decision when one starts to either eat healthier or exercise. For me, masturbation etc has the opposite effect. I start to make bad decisions and It affects other areas of my life. I personally believe that sex should be between me and my future wife. So these are the reasons why I want to gain a lifelong sexual sobriety from m and looking at material. I’m wired in such a way that “one time is too many, and a thousand is never enough”. A thought used to pop into my head a few times during that 3 and a half year period : “You can act out once in a while now since you have full control over this”. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

    I find that I act out not only during times of stress ( deadlines at uni etc) but also when I’m happy ( If I'm doing well in life, I’m finished with academic work etc) Boredom is another reason. Laziness is also a reason. I don’t like the feeling I have after I’ve acted out multiple times a day. An automatic trigger for me is when I’m tired and laying in bed with my computer on the side of my bed. So this is something I have to stop doing. Sometimes when I’m about to sleep,the addicted part of my brain tells me that “hey, doing it once won’t do any harm” or “you have to start going to meetings before you can take this seriously, so you're allowed to act out now” etc. lol.

    I’m working with myself and other areas of life as I know this is crucial in gaining a sexual sobriety and therefore I’ll start seeing a therapist from next week on. I realize that NoFap will help a lot if I use it, but it won’t be enough for me in the long run, so I’ll start going to meetings as well and try to work with a sponsor. I'll start reading as much as I can here, and do some journaling as well. Oh, and I wont be counting my days as I believe this is counterproductive (might change in the future).

    Let me know if you have any questions

    Congenital.
     
  2. Hey @Congenital ,

    I'm nobody special on here. Just a regular user saying, "welcome".

    There is so much support on this forum, the profiles and the various groups. It works if you work it. I don't offer advise. I offer only my ESH (experience, strength and hope).

    My ESH is that NoFap is about action and that meant work for me. It is not about "not doing something", for me, it is about working my program.

    Work it? Oh yeah. There's work to be done, that's what's worked for me. Two things I've found necessary.

    1. I had to Learn the NoFap Program.

    2. Getting involved with the community on here was vital to help my recovery.

    Learn the NoFap Program
    The resources listed on the "New Users: List of Rebooting Resources" helped me find my way around the reasons behind the program and the terms used.

    They are:

    You can find this same list on the top of the forum you posted this message on at - the "New to NoFap" forum.

    Get Involved with the Community
    The community has been my lifeline. I've found journals I love, people who are very supportive and a place where I could get to work helping in a small way others.

    Remember, I'm just a normal user with no magic powers. But, I can:

    • Read Journals, and comment when I have ESH
    • Find people I admire and stay in touch via their profiles
    • Pick a forum and make sure every post gets and answer. I can't answer them all, but that's good - different opinions make for a better group.
    • Post in my journal (I could be better at it - but I do milestone posts at least) To make a journal go to the section listed by age and start one. Keep all your journal posts in one thread. But, for random thoughts, you can create a new thread.
    Looking forward to seeing you around on the forums,

    * L

    PS - Think of pmo like a wolf. Stay near the center of the group with the winners and the wolf has a more difficult time finding you. But, stray near the edges of the community and the wolf can pick you off.
     
    Floweringlife likes this.
  3. One of the ways I got involved with the fellowship was by reading some really great journals.

    I've included journals from all age groups, spiritual members, religious members, secular members, male and female. You should find journals that help. If not, look around, there are hundreds of others from which to choose. When I say "it works if you work it", reading journals is part of that work.

    Once you open a journal, click "Watch Thread" in the upper right of the page to get alerts when new posts are made. Here are just a few:

    @C. J. Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/153580/
    ---
    @Reverent Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143845/
    ---
    @Former_CD Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/87827/
    ---
    @PatrickR Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/139570/
    ---
    @GeeWhizz Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/152127/
    ---
    @Sunshadow Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/75108/
    ---
    @Tomoya Okazaki Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143534/
    ---
    @2525 Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/150280/
    ---
    @Visor Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/144228/
    ---
    @Dragonnlife Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/136148
    ---
    @weddingnails Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143418/
    ---

    There are many more, and you can discover them on your own. But, these are great places to start.

    This is a work in progress. So, if a journal has changed or is no longer active, look around there are some amazing journals on here.

    * L

    PS - Starting a journal also helped me a great deal.

    The journals are listed by age groups on the forum start page. Most members run one journal only. That way both the member and others can go back and look at their journey at a later time.

    Hope to read your journal soon. Also, in your personal details you can put a link to your journal. Then, appears under your avatar.


    -
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. For me NoFap is 1/2 program & 1/2 fellowship.

    Click on these people and post a "hello" on their profiles.

    I've found that the bricks that hold this community together are cemented with the support of the members of the fellowship.

    @hoping_cannon
    @DavidGibson
    @SteelshoT
    @Jewels
    @reystronaut
    @2525
    @weddingnails
    @PatrickR
    @Beamer

    Look at with whom they exchange messages and you will find more profiles.

    So, if you would have found more profiles yourself, why suggest these particular ones as a start? Those relationships started with just saying hello. So, my ESH is that saying hello has kept the fellowship alive for myself.

    Looking forward to your success and in seeing you say hello on these profiles,

    * L
     
  5. Hello,
    I commend and applaud your intentions and appreciate your insights and desire to thrive. I’m in the same boat retraining my brain and healing and taking better care of myself.
    I also have noticed the correlation between better self care and being more likely to respect myself with other better life choices. It’s like I get addicted to making better choices and it snowballs. So I’m working on being more intentional about taking better care of myself in general and this is helping lots. It also helps avoid the trigger I have in common with you- of boredom and fatigue and stress being a trigger when I’m in bed and have a screen.
    I’m also working on dealing with my other issues as well. I also am not keeping an exact day log because it feels stressful for me. Instead I have a general idea of when I got clean and I’m just continuing my journey forward with constant effort, improvement and diligence.

    And when I have messed up in the past I relate to your feeling of devastation but also with the hope, and the desire to be healed and healthy. And to be healthy so I can have real and healthy relationships. It’s like I’m just working to move forward and I think of the overall as progress forward because God knows my intentions and desires of my heart and He keeps teaching me and helping me even when I mess up.
    Anyway hope my response wasn’t too long winded but I really appreciated and related to what you wrote!
    Best wishes to you on your journey!!
     

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