The right mindset?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by cosmicspaceman, Apr 28, 2016.

  1. cosmicspaceman

    cosmicspaceman Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys (and gals). Question for you all. I'm 19 here and have what is hopefully a long life ahead of me. Yet with my PMO addiction (currently at 4 days though!) I always felt like I had to 'work' on myself before I even talk to a girl. I feel like this is a bad mindset to be in since you can never be done developing. But at the same time I feel like its a good mindset since I want to be able to present myself to someone at my best.

    Anyone have any thoughts on this?

    Edit: Figured I'd toss in that Im currently also going through No More Mr Nice Guy as well as NoFap to help develop myself. I am aware I have a problem and I'm on the road to improving the things I want to improve on.
     
  2. jfromcr

    jfromcr Fapstronaut

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    Hi cosmispaceman,

    Yes, present the best you that you ARE not the best you that you think you have to be. In this life there will be no one that is without flaws but your flaws and her's need to be somewhat compatible. I recently heard a guy say you will marry your patient and your healer. There will be times you will help the other person overcome a hurt in their life and they will help you overcome yours.

    Do all you can to get healthier because it will help you find someone healthier. Also, talk about being in recovery or how ever you want to put it. 80-90% of all men view porn only some actually want to quit. So, it might impress her to know that you want to be a good man for her.

    Keep working on it, you are many years ahead of most guys realizing that you need to improve.
     
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  3. cosmicspaceman

    cosmicspaceman Fapstronaut

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    That was a great read, I appreciate that. I believe I have to be happier with myself before I go looking for a relationship. And beating this thing will be one giant step forward. Thank you!
     
  4. the_navigator

    the_navigator Fapstronaut

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    It's often said I do believe it's true that "the opposite of addiction is relationship". This doesn't mean that we have to be in a relationships (bf, gf, etc.) but it is relationships and fellowship with others as we go though this journey. Remember that as long as you are working on yourself and always striving to be better you ARE better. I like that the work "present" is used here. The thing that I am learning and the most powerful tool is being present in the moment. Aware of myself, feelings and the world around me. Not getting caught up in my own head.

    If there are any SAA groups where you are check out a meeting. The common rule is give it 6. It's sounds like you have already decided you are an addict, the good new is that there is healing not just "band aids" over a problem.
     
  5. cosmicspaceman

    cosmicspaceman Fapstronaut

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    Now I haven't heard of SAA groups before. But I always felt like those kinds of groups were for finding out where the problem comes from and trying to 'plug' it. For me, my PMO addiction is from loneliness and just plain having too much time on my hands at the present moment. Finding the motivation to actively try and 'plug' the problem is difficult for some reason, and I don't know why. Maybe they could help? I'm also not sure if my situation fits into the realm at which they help, since my sex life is inactive. Which is okay for the present moment, of course.
     
  6. SunflowerSarah

    SunflowerSarah Fapstronaut

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    Hi, cosmicspaceman! You pose an excellent question, and you are absolutely right about our journey of self-improvement, in the sense that it will be an ongoing endeavor. It may be a good idea to give yourself a little time to adjust to your new life without PMO.

    I am two days in, and already feel like I'm shedding a layer that I no longer feel is a part of me, and letting my true, authentic self shine. Just the fact that you have taken on the nofap challenge is admirable and courageous, and every day that you succeed in abstaining from PMO is a victory. If you happen to meet someone special along the way to recovery, embrace it, and remember that You are worthy of love just as you are. Best of luck, friend!
     
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  7. S. Des

    S. Des Fapstronaut

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    I reproduced this kind of thinking and that has getting some decent results. Altough I always remeber myself, good enough is not enough!

    When your character rises above average people start to sense that without you doing any effort. Be the kind of person worth of the Godess you want in your life.
     
  8. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

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    Man, I've been feeling this "feel" an unworthyness due to being broken more then a year now, since I tried to quit porn. All I can say is that it's a state for self-sabotage for I have relapsed even today. It's simply your brain wanting a "fix" + your old self not wanting to let go. I'd found that I have no problem with keeping my unhealthy lifestyle of fapping when my basic needs are met. Food, shelter and "fake" sex - one can keep going doing the activities which give em pleasure even tho he despises their essence. I always thought we as humans using reason to do the subjectively right decision, are destined to fight our primitive urges and twisted social habits ingrained in our minds by one cause or another.
     
  9. cosmicspaceman

    cosmicspaceman Fapstronaut

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    I hear you man. It's an unhealthy mindset to be in. But you being on this forum and trying is admirable. You are steps ahead of the people who don't realize/want to realize their problem. Stay strong!
     
  10. letter

    letter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    hurt people hurt people

    It's good to realize that your issues can affect others. Where you draw the line on when it is safe to venture forth is your perogative, but until you get there it is good to foster relationships with mentor-type people. They can help fulfill the need of companionship and have the wisdom to take care of themselves, in other words, they'll be safe for you and them to work through the issues with. Then when you are feeling healthy enough, peer-type relationships can grow deeper without fear of causing harm.
     
    Yesodi likes this.
  11. ?? no more Mr. nice guy?
     
  12. silenteagle

    silenteagle Fapstronaut

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    Good advice!!
     

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