The Road to Success Starts Now

Last Thursday I PMO'd 5 times, but I've never been more motivated to live a life free of pornography and masturbation. I truly believe that if I work hard and get my life in order I will become successful and live the life I've always dreamed of. I have been a member of NoFap for over 3 years and have been addicted to pornography and masturbation for longer. This addiction and my commitment to abstaining from PMO has taken me on a wild ride, but I've learned a lot of things from it, and it's made me a much smarter, better person. My addiction has also brought me to some very dark places. I remember about a year or two ago I started browsing for kiddie porn. Then I remember once I exposed myself from the window to some little girls playing outside. Innocent little girls probably 7 or 8 years old. It haunted me that i did this. In that moment of disgust and shame I knew I had to change. Then I remember there were several times when I looked up prostitutes to meet up with and have sex even though at that time I was only 17. I can't help, but think about what those innocent little girls thought when I exposed myself to them. I was going through a really dark time back then. I even remember having sick, twisted thoughts of pedophilia. I can honestly say that I never have thoughts like that anymore. It disgusts me that at one time I had thoughts like that. I can't believe I would actually think like that. Imagine if I would've gone to a prostitute for sex. Imagine what kind of route that would've taken me down. Nothing good can possibly come from hookers. There's so many bad things that can come from possibly come from seeing a prostitute and I know it would just leave me feeling empty the same way PMO does. My addiction brought out a dark, ugly, side of me. A side of me I never want to see again. I remember I objectified women. I would look at them only for their bodies. I didn't want to get to know them as a person. A lot of times I wouldn't even approach girls. I would just picture what they look like naked or what i would do to them in bed. I was sick and twisted and at the time didn't even know it.


Another reason I need to eliminate pornography and masturbation from my life is because I'm Catholic and in the Catholic faith masturbation is a sin. Every time you masturbate you're throwing away a fluid that holds so much power. In your semen you have the power to create life and every time you masturbate you're just throwing that away. It's like you have no respect for life. If I want to live a fulfilling life and someday go to heaven when I die I need to immediately remove pornography and masturbation from my life. Saturday I plan on confessing my sins to a priest. I have not gone to confession this year and really want to for the purpose of starting my reboot with a clean conscience so that I can put God first in my life and that he can help me life a life free of pornography and masturbation. Some of the benefits I've noticed from abstaining from PMO include having a clearer mind and being able to focus better. I've also noticed that I have a better memory. I have more patience. I'm much more mature. I have more confidence. I have much more energy. I'm not so lazy and unmotivated. I also have less difficulty speaking and getting the words out that I want to say. I enjoy the little things in life again because PMO isn't numbing my dopamine receptors. My mood is also a million times better. The key to success and getting where I want to be in life is NoFap. I have a daily routine that I go through that keeps me on the right track. Every morning and every night I pray. I also meditate every morning. Meditation is very helpful in controlling my anxiety. I exercise every day by either going to the gym or going for a run. I'm trying harder than ever to eliminate pornography and masturbation from my life and continue to improve myself mentally, physically, and spiritually every day.


Over the time that I've been a NoFap member I've had a lot of success. I have had several 4 month streaks and a 6 month streak. So I've proven that I can be successful with NoFap and that I know the formula to success. I'm sick and tired of society saying that masturbation is normal and healthy. I was going to a therapist for over a year. He was a really nice guy and he really helped me when I was going through severe OCD and anxiety. I've gotten much better in recent months and as of Wednesday I no longer will be seeing him. The one thing that pushed me over the edge and kept me from from wanting to see him ever again was the fact that every time I brought up my addiction he understood why I don't want to watch porn, but he kept telling me every time that masturbation is normal and healthy and that it's a natural biological urge. I kept trying to explain to him that it's not like sex where you're sharing that pleasure with another person. It's selfish and it leaves you feeling worthless and empty inside. I don't care what society says or what my therapist says. If I'm going to be successful and live the life I've always dreamed of I need to eliminate pornography and masturbation from my life.


I've battled this addiction for too long. I've never had more desire and never been more motivated to eliminate pornography and masturbation from my life. I know that this addiction is the only thing that will keep me from becoming successful and living the life I've always dreamed of. I have the drive, determination, and mindset for becoming successful. I just wish more people would realize just how harmful pornography and masturbation really is, but maybe it was really smart of me to realize that at a young age. There was time recently where I questioned whether or not I should try to just masturbate without porn every now and then. My therapist is probably to blame for me thinking this. If I try to masturbate without porn I will always end up going back to porn. It might start with masturbating to images in my head or to pictures of girls in bikinis, but I know for a fact I'll end up going back to porn. So I'm aiming for 90 days plus of hard mode. It's not going to be easy. It's only the 5th day and I'm dealing with a lot of depression and anxiety about of all it. My OCD has been especially bad. In the past many time I would deal with my OCD and it would convince me to relapse when I really didn't want to. It wasn't like when I would get a natural urge to PMO. My obsessive thoughts would convince me to relapse based on how perfect my last relapse was. If I did everything right and everything went as planned with my last relapase I probably wouldn't get these thoughts, but if I didn't post a thread the night of the relapse or something wasn't just right I would get these thoughts telling me that I should PMO. I've really been struggling with these thoughts, but I have to realize that nothing bad could possibly happen out of not posting a thread the day of a relapse. I can't expect complete perfection all the time and I can't let these thoughts control me and convince me to do something I don't wanna do. It's just been very difficult and these thoughts have been one of the things that in the past kept me from being successful. These thought will continue to control me and keep me from being successful unless I keep myself motivated and on the path towards success. I have to ignore these thoughts and keep going and keep improving myself every day. Saturday I went to confession and I confessed to the priest that I've been doing a lot of masturbating and watching a lot of porn lately. I told him that I'm trying to change my ways and eliminate pornography and masturbation from my life. After that confession I told myself I would never masturbate or view pornography again. but here I am three days later debating about whether or not I should PMO again. My OCD makes me think that if I don't do everything perfect on the day of a relapse that I'm cursed or that somehow I'm going to accidentally ejaculate. If I want to beat my addiction I need to face this fear and crush it. If I decide to PMO again; which I was thinking about doing Friday, even if I don't do it "perfectly" or just how I pictured in my head I will still probably get these obsessive thoughts which will only inhibit my progress.

I'm going to crush my addiction. I have all the tools and the mindset to do it. I just can't make any excuses or do anything that could possibly set me back. I'm on the road to success and nothing can stop me now. I can't have any doubts in my mind and I can't let any of my fears get in the way. I've battled this addiction for 3 years and it ends right now. Nothing will get in the way of me eliminating pornography and masturbation from my life and setting myself up on the path to success. The road to success starts here and now. As of August 17th, 2017 I will never intentionally masturbate or view pornography again.