The roles are switched and therefore I'm addicted to not-fapping

Discussion in 'Abstinence, Retention, and Sexual Transmutation' started by Stichting, Jul 3, 2021.

  1. Stichting

    Stichting Fapstronaut

    What happens to me is that an interesting and creative feeling comes at the times related to fapping/looking at images, but things in real life as well.

    The standard reaction is seeing the attractive things, followed by a feeling of appreciation/desire, and then unsatisfying feelings because of not having a way of processing it, or commenting in thoughts about the persons looks or imagining what you would do to her/him.

    And over time there has been a shift in that reaction for me. It slightly kept happening naturally, and I kept holding on to that because it seemed interesting and felt better than the more frustrating feelings.

    With that it became more and more a natural reaction.

    It is almost as if I feel the urge to create something. Not only a mental urge, but some energetic sensation at that moment, mainly in the hands. As if I have to make certain movements, there is some similarity each time.

    It varies from random movements to the feeling/urge of drawing or writing, based on the initial sensation at that moment.

    I think this is because of becoming more used to having a better reaction to attraction caused by abstaining.

    Not focusing much on only the attraction, but trying to put you more apart from that (wrong) way, and looking critical for better ways of processing the reactions.

    Becoming aware that you probably had too much of an objectifying look on women. For me it started automatically with noticing other feelings are better, and from there seeing that that as well can go different.

    Not dismissing it but trying to see it as not so much as something you have to put so much effort into.

    There is still part of the original reaction left of course, but it's just those impulses of the first reaction when seeing women, have turned into the new creative reaction. It is difficult to explain what I experience but I try my best.

    An easy way too see the reaction I experience is by looking at an image, of thought, or in real life, where you see one or more women. But not anything NSFW, an everyday situation. Not during an urge or fap-session, because then you have less control over the thoughts that go on auto-pilot, here it is planned.

    During this when you're having this view, all kind of responses when seeing attractive women will likely happen. In general it are unsatisfying experiences for not having a way to process those responses. But they are changed into smetting satisfying at the moment of appearing.

    It almost comes naturally to get that positive switch, it's just a slight push of giving another context to what you're seeing. You're seeing something with women at that time, and at that moment you don't notice that you can imagine some scene(except for something sexual related).

    Not only because the distracting reactions from the attraction, but it's not something you would naturally do.

    But anyway, you see one or more women, and then you for example imagine that they look at you and admire something that they notice about you. That gives a strong satisfying reaction that replaces the earlier mentioned unsatisfying reaction.

    When you're fully used to this new pattern, you have a very powerful tool because you can extrapolate it to the moments when you used to have a really difficult urge, or seeing a very attractive person in real life and not knowing how to process the reactions.

    Therefore at first, the step is to practice easy first by doing it with intentional things where you have control, like mentioned above. And then go slowly to trying it with things that happen more out of control, that what is caused by urges or stress.
    PrioritySystem, odnt and mdnirvana like this.
  2. odnt

    odnt Fapstronaut

    Hello Stichting,

    I read your post with great interest. It is my mission to clean myself of sexual thoughts when out in public. I am fascinated with how you have managed to turn sexual thoughts into non-sexual thoughts by turning negative energy into positive energy. This is a very impressive achievement which I would like to learn.

    Now, with me, the visual stimulus of seeing a woman is very powerful and automatic. I have been taking notice of what I actually do, that is, to identify a woman automatically within my range of vision, and then to scan her very quickly for sexual attributes. I think this is a normal male reaction but with me it has become exaggerated in the wrong sense. If someone were to scan me carefully they may pick up my habit but I think I conceal it due to much practice.

    What I am trying to is to identify them the same as I do for males, and treat them in exactly the same way, for example, the clothes they are wearing, their height, are they an obstruction to me, ensure I do not intrude on their space etc. I have also learnt how not to look at them for any length of time, not to look again, and to view them as people and not a collection of body parts. To personify, not objectify.

    I am still at the stage of becoming more aware of my own habit to appreciate what it is I need to change. And then, making those changes, in small steps. I think there is much to be said for making those changes in incremental steps. I am also aware that I will not be able, ever, to curb, the natural male inclination to be attracted to women. This is impossible to natural. What I can do is to change my mindset when ai do see them.

    I am greatly encouraged by your post and your success in viewing women differently. Well done!
    Stichting likes this.
  3. Stichting

    Stichting Fapstronaut

    Thank you for your interest. I get what you're writing.

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