The shame is strong

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Ruses, May 7, 2019.

  1. Ruses

    Ruses Fapstronaut

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    For the past 7 days I’ve been going strong without PMO, the problem is 3 days ago I was getting flashbacks of when I did some not so good things. When I first turned 17 i had a 39 day streak going until a sudden urge hit me. But it was different, I wanted something different. The different thing I wanted was gay porn. But I was straight and I had mixed emotions about the situation.I watched a little bit of it and was disgusted, so I turned to a gay hookup app called GRINDR. While I was on there the dopamine rush was super high but after I talked with guys and received dick pics I felt ashamed and always deleted the app right after. This has happened several times before and some times I even sent nudes. Keep in mind I just had turned 17 and I still am and it was very illegal. So the last couple of days I was getting flashbacks of all the dumb stuff I did and it has been getting me into a depressed mood. I feel ashamed and guilty because of what I have done. Even today I was horny and wanted to go on the app, but I didn’t I stayed strong and stopped, I did mess up by seeing a dick pic when I searched the word “ Grindr “ on google but that was it. I pushed myself not to do the stupid stuff again. But I still don’t know how to get over the shame of doing these dumb things. I always tell myself that I’m human and I make mistakes and sometimes you don’t realize what your doing and it feels like you're losing control. It makes me feel a bit better. But I still can’t get over it. I’m a straight male but I’m having weird tendencies that I don’t even like in the first place. What have you guys done to rid yourself of mental images, shame and guilt for stuff you guys have done and how did you get over it. Any feedback is great!!
     
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  2. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
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    As far as I understand it, nothing you did was illegal and certainly not "very illegal". What country do you live in bro?
     
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  3. Ruses

    Ruses Fapstronaut

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    i live in California and here its illegal to send nudes to a minor or for a minor to send nudes. Its Mostly the guilt of sending nudes to another man and receiving them when i know I'm not gay. Like i know i shouldn't be doing it but the dopamine rush feels so good when your doing something wrong.
     
  4. Ruses

    Ruses Fapstronaut

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    And aslo i think what retriggered the guilt and shame was me watching Chris Hansen Catch Predators who want relations with minors. It just brought back all of the stuff that could have happened to me i guess.
     
  5. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
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    OK, so your laws are different. The problem really is: "The dopamine rush feels so good when your doing something wrong." That is what you need to stop.
     
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  6. Ruses

    Ruses Fapstronaut

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    Ya i know that its wrong and i haven't done it in a long time, but the shame and guilt of doing it is getting to me. Thats the biggest problem right now and I'm not to sure how to cope with it.
     
  7. Shame and guilt is that feeling that you did something wrong. Accept that.

    Also, if you have an odd attraction to males it may be that you are bi or the porn you’ve watched lead you down a road of curiosity. Speaking for myself when I was into watching porn I ended up getting into transwoman porn and questioned my sexuality. But after going awhile without it and then looking back it genuinely disgusted me.

    My advice is to forgive yourself. Acknowledge you did something wrong and promise to yourself that you don’t have to feel this shame if you stop doing the bad deed.
    The shame and guilt is good in away. But letting yourself feel bad only alienates you and then you’ll go back and seek comfort in what was making you feel bad to begin with.

    Take a cold shower, go work out, think about beautiful women (but don’t beat your meat), listen to some music.
     
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  8. Ruses

    Ruses Fapstronaut

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    Yeah All this stuff i did was before i was addicted to shamble porn i know that I'm not attracted to males, I'm just attracted to the Penis. Thats why i was mostly addicted to shamale porn because they have the body of a female and have a Penis. But now that i haven't used PMO for 7 days i haven't had urges to watch Porn at all I've just been getting the Side Effects i guess of looking back at the stuff I've done and realizing what bad i have done to myself without thinking. In a way the guilt and shame is good because it keeps me away from doing it again after knowing that its not right and ill just be filled with guilt and shame again and will have to start my journey all over again
     
  9. There's a great thread I just read, I'll bring it over here.
     
  10. MotivationMan31

    MotivationMan31 Fapstronaut

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    I still have the same urges. Have a girl been with for a few years but before I met her I did a bit of experimenting and now and again still sext on Grindr.

    Its shameful on my part but I found it hapoened with a number of things namely relating to feelings of isolation, boredom and overstimulation to normal porn/girl sex. Youre not gay, youre just experimenting.
     
  11. Ruses

    Ruses Fapstronaut

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    Ya, i try telling myself that I'm young and expiementing is just something we all do as younings, but bad memories of stuff ive said and seen pop into my mind sometimes
     

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