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The stare...

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by bigbuford, Nov 20, 2017.

  1. bigbuford

    bigbuford Fapstronaut

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    Y'all I may not be in the right section with this but I m about to address a darkness in me that has existed well before PMO but shortly after I felt I had enough of my foolishness of PMO that I did something very bad. I work at a shipyard...I suck at women in general and here is no exception. Yet there is this beautiful girl at my job. Skin tone just the way I like, blah, blah, blah... but though I wanted to try and talk to her, I haven't yet. If I know what is good for me, I'm not going to either...
    Before I joined the website on my first day of non PMO, for some reason i thought Im just going to stare at this woman whenever I see her...like what was I thinking? Maybe I thought if I did it she may talk to me. It was dumb. At the end of the day I'm walking to my car and notice her walking fast seemingly trying to get away from someone...as I notice her head turn glance at me and turn back I realize I'm that fool. After that it hit me how awful I was in doing that to her. I also realize that if she wanted to she could of charged me with sexual harassment on the spot and had me fired as my company (with mostly men) take that accusation very seriously and as a christian I would of had no choice but if I was going to be honest admit to the fact. Worse yet, the next day I was going up the stairs next to a bathroom and look who came out of the women's restroom by chance. I immediately shift gaze, paused as we both had to let one go ahead of the other at the top of the stairs to go back on the ship, and as she extended paused, I looked up for a brief minute, excused myself for and as I stepping in front of her, and went on the ship and did not look back towards her.
    All that to say, hopefully dealing wth this PMO thing can also help me to stop staring at women and objectifying them with my gaze. It doesn't help that even tho I am 26, I am less than facially handsome, am 250lbs, and have the face of an old person with a bald head and beard...I'm tired of feeling and (if I am honest) being like the creepy guy who is socially awkward and being out of place.
     

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