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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by BrohkenCompass, Sep 3, 2020.
I want to try with you, @BrohkenCompass. I am in!
For a more detailed explanation read the post here: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...d-94-days-and-back-again.290611/#post-2777827
In short, the 3 main things are this.
- Desire (What you want/ how you want to be)
- Environment (Creating a success environment)
- "Dwelling in the winning feeling"
I'd make one last point here: Just recognize the power in simplicity.
Those 3 things really are the foundation and structure of what worked for me (and others).
They are principles that I was taught from mentors before I ever joined NoFap.
Much of my short comings have come down to not sticking to the basics.
Our minds are always looking for "the next thing" or the "secret". We have difficulty just sticking to what works. This leads us astray.
Stick to the basics. Only add on from there. Come back to the basics.
I'm just pounding the point that you and @BrohkenCompass have already made for anyone who will listen.
Keeping a streak count (ideally written on a white board in frequent view) of days clean out of total days may help!
That helped me early on.
For example. If you're streak count starts one month ago and you've had 3 relapses it would look like this
For anyone who has struggled with relapse, I'd encourage it.
Day 35: In 10 days I'll be passed my last streak.
I had an interesting experience today while in the shower. A porn scene popped into my mind.
An ol' favorite of mine.
I was sort of struck by it, by the hedonism of it. By the ridiculousness of the whole matter, my involvement included.
That's not meant to be judgmental, it's just the closest wording I have for it.
It was a subtle, but powerful experience.
Alright, I've written 3 post in a row here.
I'll make some space, hahah.
@Ian Of Freelandia What do you mean by your "involvement"?
I was in the porn.
No, I'm kidding.
By "My involvement", I just mean that I had watched and masturbated to it, multiple times.
Sorry, friend. We opened up in September, and closed early in OCT. This is a short window challenge, not a perpetual ongoing one.
OK guys looks like we have a had a good strong couple of days. Kudos to all for hanging tough and not giving up. I for one have a wife that's not feeling too great and my work was super busy Monday and Tuesday so I hate to say it, but I was on auto pilot and NoFap just came easier than normal. That said, plugging away and almost back to two weeks is exciting...another familiar benchmark. Then later this week I'll tackle my toughest 10 days so I'll be counting on support here to push me over the hilltop.
Made a couple updates to the tracker, if anybody's strike count on post 1 is wrong , just shoot me a note please, thanks.
Also...I hit like on all posts to bookmark them for myself when I go back to catch up. In no way do I mean anything by "liking" you relapse admissions or anything. Stay well, brothers!
Oh, god... Ok, then... Good luck, guys!
Day 5 Check in!
Thanks man! I really apreciated!
Thank You for your support, Tony. I will check post #820 out.
I didn't check these last days because since my last relapse I was not able to gather myself up to restart the journey. Now I believe I have find my center again, so... Day1.
Day 28 done.
I can't believe that 28 days have actually passed. It feels like just yesterday I was posting on Day 2.
It's a trip when you do something like this. In the beginning, it's like "hell yeah, let's do this"...then x days later the realization starts to hit, and then it's like "This sucks". Lol.
The suck isn't due to not wanting to do this, but really just more of having to sit in the experience.
You know what they say...Once you're 1/2 way through hell, no reason to turn around and go back. Just keep going. I am probably only about 1/3 of the way through hell, but I seriously don't want to start over. Earning 28 days is just too damn hard. I would rather just keep plowing forward
I completely agree with this. I will elaborate as was relevant to me. The most important things were:
3-Understanding that NoFap is an active process
1) You need the desire/ motivation to quit. I felt that I was better than living a life of PMO that could potentially destroy everything. No relationships, depression, loss of focus at work, no aspirations etc. This motivated me to see that I needed a life without PMO (full stop - no negotiating about p or m or p subs or even worse edging - you can simply do without these things). It helped to stop intrusive thoughts because I did not see the point in them, and helped with overcoming urges - it's only a few minutes of wanking that destroys you.
2) Very important - change your environment. Keep your phone and devices away when alone, do all your work in public places, work out, socialize more, pursue new ideas and projects etc. These help you avoid trigger situations, keeps you busy and makes you positive about things in general as you start to see progress in little things.
3) NoFap is an active process - When the urges come you do not sit there as if you're tied to a chair with a gun to your head. It's your decision to engage with pmo. So push yourself to get away from urges and stop dirty thoughts. Stop yourself. (For unwanted thoughts I used to count to 10 visualising the numbers, for urges I would repeated ask myself "what is the point" until I walked away)
Any negotiating means you do not have the right mindset to quit. Hoping to quit means you do not have the right mindset. This is what worked for me, and hopefully it's not harsh for most people. A no excuses mindset, if you have secondary issues causing pmo start fixing that while doing nofap. Nothing is an excuse.
Well said, man. We appreciate your ideas here. I think the desire (true desire) is the hangup. I mean, we all want the good that comes from not PMO; but our sex brain also wants that gratification and rush. Such a war within, constantly pulled from one side to the other.
Personally I have gone days without any urges, then often the first day of urges is manageable. So I continue, maybe into week 2. Then I desire my wife. I don't act on that either. A few more days pass. Another environmental trigger...maybe I do, maybe I don't act out. At this point it's probably more a matter of where I am and convenience of the relapse. At home, In my underwear, in bed...in the past I've lost that battle. At work, in dress clothes, with tasks to keep me busy....I'm probably going to stay strong 9/10 times there.
Many times I've given in to the desires to be with my wife. I say it this way because I'm "trying" for hard mode. Or at least prolonged stretches.
But for me, once I say "I want sex" and make my move if we do have sex, the chaser effect gets me later trying to relive the moment or if I get rejected there's the rejection fap and instant pick me up acting out that I'm prone to.
When we say we want to quit PMO...It makes perfect sense. We want the benefits of a PMO free life. Maybe, for me the missing ingredient is also listing other things I want. Consciously and subconsciously. I will write some down and see which can be net through watching P and masturbating vs practicing NoFap.
To feel wanted
To feel appreciated
To feel needed
A better body
Meaningful intersections with others
More sex with wife
Better sex with wife
There's probably more. Maybe I'll come back and add to it. But I think it's clear that specifically looking at P can only check a few boxes (temporarily). MO / PMO Can probably check a few more. But this exercise, for me, only further reinforces the things which we know to be true and discuss often on NoFap.
People. Other people and interpersonal relationships are where the money gets made.
Time. Having more time to do more meaningful things is invaluable.
Reflection. Taking time to reflect on our days to see what opportunities we are missing to interact with others, impact others positively, and fulfill our innate needs of being liked, wanted, appreciated, valued, etc. Also reflecting on our "to-do" list and making sure we're checking items off and accomplishing something often (not just passing time).
In summary, DESIRE is a huge piece of the pie and wisely listed as #1 by @thikk on his wonderful 100 day success story. Congrats brother, and thank you again.
Day 33. Checking in.