The START 2021 STRONGER Challenge [CLOSED]

Sure thing.

The withdrawals range from cravings, fantasy thoughts, mood swings (one minute I am Ok, the next I am so sad I could cry, the next minute I am Ok, but the minute after that I am totally depressed).

The fantasy thoughts come in droves, and are like a "fantasy thought attack". They'll just start pouring in. I may not even be thinking about stuff like that, and then boom, they start up.

There is another thing I notice, and that is the negative thoughts I will have toward my girlfriend. Some of the thoughts I am downright ashamed of. I'll literally have the thought "If I get rid of her I can do what I want and have sex with whomever I want". I swear to God, that is not how I wanna feel. It has taken me awhile to understand thats not me, but the addict trying to get me to sabotage the relationship

I have heard that withdrawals can last at least 90 days.

I use meditation to get out of the thoughts as quickly as possible. I also have a little mantra I tell myself everyday "I don't need to be happy, but I do need to be sober (sexually sober)". That helps me to put things into perspective.

That was a bit of a tangent. I am falling asleep as I type, so I better wrap it up.

Having people to talk to that understand what's going on, has been a huge help dealing with this stupid withdrawals.

Cheers!

 

Im out @BrohkenCompass

 

Well said, man.

I know it's easy to call our own writings/speech as tangents, but to me it sounds like you have a lot of awareness around what's going on in your experience. And you're taking a wise approach.
Good stuff. Glad you're here with us.

 

Day 60. And end of a long week.
AHHHH

 

Indeed, the more days clean I accomplish, the less the shame and disgust burdens my being. The "past wrongs" - the addictive behavior - is fading, and in the process I am gaining a new more wholesome perspective on what is (and is NOT) decent behavior. And for sure, the memories of hours and days-long binges and what that would have looked like to any observer, now makes me cringe for that is clearly not decent behavior by any measure. If you could imagine standing next to your wife (mother, sister, daughter, gf, etc) and watching yourself in the midst of PMO...ugh! That mindset or mental imagery strengthens my resolve.

I was very tempted yesterday, as close to acting out as I've been in weeks. I imagined the walls of the house were transparent, and escaping to the basement bathroom would not provide any privacy. Transparency = honesty.

Let us all stay strong as we approach the holiday season in the midst of the pandemic and all the stresses those situations might present to us.

 

Nice work man.

 

Congratulations man. Though it's easy to set our eyes on the"big numbers", those first 10 days can be hell, especially when there are other stressors and changes going on in our lives, like it sounds there is in your own.

Thank you for sticking to it through the tough times and leading us. Thank you for creating this challenge.

 

Thank you brother. Keep going.

 

24 days, I've passed my 22 days previous streak. This time is being a lot more easy with very less urges, cravings and bad thoughts, simply because I'm taking more serious the habit of not searching pictures in social media. Sometimes I still slip on that, but with more disciplin I just move on. The recipe is identify our mistakes and prevent them.

 

42 days clean.
I had a confronting moment late last week. My wife and I are staying at my mother-in-law's house and she has pay tv (we don't have tv at home). My wife was flicking through the channels while I was reading Outwitting the Devil by Napoleon Hill. She stumbled across the adult channels but only a one minute preview was available. I didn't even realize what my wife was watching because I was too busy reading until my wife mentioned that it was blurred out.
I looked at the screen and saw a recognizable Korean adult actress (who I used to PMO to). I then asked my wife if she could change the channel but she said it was fun to watch. She doesn't watch P that often and she definitely isn't a PMO addict. I was looking at the tv more objectively and I told my wife I prefer to do it with her than watch 2 bodies on a screen doing it. It felt weird to see it after over a month abstaining from it. I didn't get hard from it and I didn't even look at the screen very long.
My wife knows that I'm doing NoFap but she doesn't see the harm in just watching. We had a good conversation about it after she finished watching the previews and I even gave her my copy of YBOP to read so she can understand why I choose not to partake.
I believe this event doesn't cause for a reset as I wasn't looking for it and I didn't feel any arousal from it, moreover I felt disgusted to even see it. There will always be times in life when we see inappropriate images or videos in our daily lives unexpectedly and it's how we deal with those times that creates the outcome. I will always choose No PMO and only choose relationships with real people.

 

86 days completed. Lots of stressful stuff going on, but going strong.

 

For the last couple days I've been on the verge of acting out due to family stress at home.

 

I like the idea of imagining the walls of your home are transparent. If you're not comfortable with people knowing what you are doing then should you be doing?