The story i never told

So here it is. I've been masturbating for what? 5 years? maybe a decade? i don't even remember.I'm 20 now. Not a virgin. I first had a sexual encounter at the age of 6-7 with an older girl and that's the origin of this...disease.We did it a couple of times almost got caught by the parents.We were in the same city back then but my family and i moved on in another part of the state.And then it began. I just couldn't forget that...feeling so, i decided to forget her and watch a little material on the internet instead.First i was masturbating like once a month or two.Then a couple of times a month or two and so on and so on till 5 years ago when i started to do it every day well, till now...For about 7 or 8 months it starded to affect me severily, caused me anxiety, hate for everyone, my empathy for people slowly dies.In my head i have this voices that are telling me to stop because they are killing me...others to continue because it just feels right and natural.I've been able to control this affliction for a period of maximum 5 days or so but then it reappeared even more savagely and this process just repeated itself in the recent events. I want to stop this.I can't live like this. My proffesion in the future will be to protect people... but now i just view them like body parts and walking flesh. It's madness and i just hate myself. This needs to stop from this very moment... not tomorrow but NOW. I just could't told nobody this years.My parents caught me a couple of times told the rest of the family.. they concluded it was ''natural'' for a teenager to do things like that. And now i just said it here. Strangely, it feels good to speak about this affliction because it loses the power that it has on us.