THE SUPER SAIYAN CHALLENGE! What is your Power Level?! (RANKS ARE BACK, GET YOURS NOW!

Day 0

I'm back fellow saiyans. Finally took some time off. And processed the break up. It's still hurting me a lot, it's been around 1.5 months. But there are waves of sadness which hit me on a different level. I'm posting my story in the next post if anyone wants to read it. Thank you fellow saiyans.

 

I'm really really sorry, this is going to be a very very long post/rant. I broke up around 1.5 months ago and I'm having a really rough time. I've been lurking on this subreddit for some time now and have some idea about avoidants and their patterns. So, here goes my story. It's me venting out kind of. Any post break up tips or suggestions regarding what happened is appreciated.

I started dating this beautiful and amazing girl, we were friends since months and I developed feelings for her. I asked her out and she said yes to me after about 7 days after we discussed things as she got out of a toxic relationship around 6 months back. Everything was absolutely amazing in the start. We were talking, hanging out, studying together. We were from different colleges. She talked to me about her previous relationship and explained things to me and I understood them and made sure not to hurt her in any way wrt this. Then she told me about her best friend from college and how both they both developed feelings for one another at different times. But she said that she was just confused and they were very different people so she didn't want to date him. Then after about a month or so we were having another deep conversation and she told me it took her some time to say Yes because she was confused about her feelings for the same guy. But she eventually sorted them and accepted my proposal. This information bothered me and I talked to her about it and she said she's not confused now. Then about 2 months later we had an absolutely surreal date and we were supposed to go to an open mic event next day. She wanted to perform a piece and showed me an entry which she wrote for this guy best friend of hers when she had feelings for him. It was filled with longing and after reading it I got upset, I asked her again if she was sure about things and we had a pretty massive fight. We didn't talk for a day or so.

Fast forward another month, we were having a deep conversation again, we were talking about our past relationship and experiences(we were around 5 months into the relationship), she told me something very differently from what she told me in the beginning and I got overwhelmed by this information. It was kind of a white lie. And I told her that I needed some time to process all this, she took it completely in a wrong way and thought her image in my mind is tainted now and I think low about her. I assured her this was not the case but she didn't listen. She literally vanished the next day, I got very anxious and dropped a lot of texts and calls. There was going to be an event in her college and she was managing it and she told me she's busy with it and can't talk to me. There she made new friends a senior and a junior and she started talking to them about vulnerable matters and spent around 8-10 hours with them in cafes and tell me that she was in a meeting with these two guys. I asked her to drop atleast a text, so that I know she's okay and safe. But she took it negatively again and thought I was jealous because she was hanging with these guys and wanted to keep a watch on her. We had a fight again.

Then the event was over and she told me that both these guys were like siblings to her(she just knew them for 10-15 days) and that's why she talked about all the matters with them. Then one night I called her since we didn't talk much that day and the line was busy. I tried again after 2 hours, still same and still no text. Then around 4 hours later I dropped a text saying good night and she replied she's talking to the senior and will talk to me later. I got super hurt and I told her that's it wrong that she's prioritising these new people above me since some time now. And i expressed it's making me anxious and it's hurting me. She started blaming me that I'm acting jealous and clingy and I don't want her to make new friends and again, we had a fight. She told me she's scared to open up now to me and can't trust me anymore since I judged her the last time she opened up about her past relationship and I said I needed space.

A few days later she expressed we should focus on our careers and hobbies and spend less time talking and hanging out and everything. I understood from her behavior since past 15 20 days that she doesn't want this relationship anymore. So I asked her if we could have a conversation about all these fights and everything. She denies at first but agreed eventually. I had a very rough childhood and had some very serious trauma because of it and I explained to her why I don't like keeping things and lying in a relationship. And I told her that I was not jealous because of these new guys, I was just jealous that she wasn't prioritising me. She expressed she wanted space and said I wasn't giving it to her and getting anxious and keep continuously calling her and texting her and expressed she doesn't like it. I said that I won't text her a lot and will give her space. Then I made a major mistake a few days later. She was talking to me less and kept vanishing and would come back after an hour or so. So I took her and opened her WhatsApp and found out she was talking to that senior whole day and when she vanished. I shouldn't have snooped through her phone and she said very mean things about it to me and told me I was pathetic. I apologised and everything but I was also hurt so I lashed out and then we talked very less for a few days.

After a week she went on a trip and after coming back she told me she wanted to focus on her career right now and doesn't want to focus on future of relationship and she wants to study more. This hurt me but I agreed and said we'll only talk on call everyday for about an hour and asked if she wanted to meet up to which she replied she's tired and doesn't want to meet. We talked on call for a week and then it was our 6th month anniversary, I got her a really cute gift, we went out for a fancy date and had a good time. While coming back I saw a text in her phone with that senior about some gift and I asked her what it was about. She ignored it and started talking about something else and then I asked again to which she replied we'll talk after we both get back to our places. Then she told me that she went to that senior's place for dinner and I got so hurt by it because it was the day when she came back from trip and told me she can't meet because she was tired. She lied to me and I was deeply hurt by it, it killed me inside, after explaining my childhood struggles to her and everything, she still decided to lie and keep things from me. I confronted her and she said she didn't tell me because she knew I would be upset and react like this. I told her obviously I had every right to be upset. And we again had a fight but this was a breaking point for me, but she sent sad texts and everything and I caved in and decided to give the relationship a chance again.

She wasn't talking to me at all, it was always me sending texts, planning meetups and everything. Most of texts she ignored and declined for meetups stating she has to study. A few days later I found out she was talking to another guy who liked her in the past but she said she was dating me and now they were just friends and as usual he was like a sibling to her. She'd be talking to these new friends the whole time and whenever I'd text she'd be busy. I was finding a pattern now. I called her one evening for dinner and the line was busy and then I called again after around 2 hours and busy again. She texted me she's talking to a friend. And 3 4 hours later she asks me that Why did I call. I told her about the dinner and said I already had it so plan is canceled now. And I asked her who she was talking to coz I was Anxious and curious. She said that I should trust her and she won't satisfy my curiosity. I was like what kind of reply is this. We fought and then she told me it that friend who had crush on her previously and he called her because she looked sad in college. She told me they talked about college and she lied to him saying she's upset because of studies and everything. Then that guy asked her about the relationship and she said it was fine. I told her that this guy might still be interested and she told me I was petty, narrow minded and he's like a sibling to her. Then she fought with me again and said she wanted to go out with her guy best friend(now dating someone else) and talk and sort out the things from past and she wanted to apologize for hurting him and letting him know she liked him but then she got over it and she had to cancel it because i was acting so anxious. This blaming just broke me and I got hurt and decided to end this. And I broke up

The next day she called me crying and sad texting. It happened the whole day and I said I don't want to be hurt again like this. Then the next day she had a mood swing and she said she's glad this toxic relationship is over. Then about an hour later she texted that she wants to meet one last time and I went ahead and met her, she cried again and said she'd communicate better and be better and not keep things from me and she'd be all alone if I left and I gave in again and got back together. A few days later she told me that she lied to me about one more thing, she told that guy that we had broken up and are no longer together. I just sighed and asked her if there are anymore lies to which she said No. Then again she distanced herself and was talking less and I was hurting again and I was not able to take it and told her about it and she said then let's just be friends. I agreed. It wasn't feeling right so I texted her again if she wanted to get back together after a few days and she told me she'll think about it. And she'll talk later as she's going out with her friends. About 5 6 hours later, late at night she texts me that she went out with her guy best friend and had the conversation and talked about things from past with him. I told her that she lied again and she said that this guy invited her and she didn't know if any other friends would join and she thought I'd react negatively, that's why she kept it from me and said she was going out with friends. This was my breaking point. I broke up with her that day. She gaslighted the hell out of me, she said my past trauma was deserved and she blamed me for being so anxious and toxic.

I broke no contact twice after finding out that she told that guy that the timing was wrong otherwise they could've dated each other and a few other lies. But then I stopped completely and here I am, reading forums for healing, breakups and trying to understand how one person changed after just one fight and became completely distance. Then I found out that there's a high chance she was avoidant and that's why she suddenly distanced herself and completely discarded me. This whole anxious Avoidance experience was like hell. I kept giving and giving and talking to receive just cold betrayal in exchange. I don't understand any of this, it has been about a month and a half now and it still hurts me. There are just days when this is all I could think of and cry and think how could she do this to me. We talked about future and moving in together and stuff. And this is how she decided to end it. How is this even fair..? I know I ignored a lot of red flags in the start because of rose colored glasses and that's probably what made it worse. The starting of the relationship was absolutely amazing, she love bombed me like crazy and I did the same. We both cared about each other and imagined a future together. But i guess it was just a honeymoon phase thing. I thought she was 'The one' and I absolutely loved her. But I guess I wrong big time.

I'm sorry for this super long post and anyone who makes it this far, I really really want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my story.

 

I posted it as a reddit entry and copy pasted it here.

 

Thank you for talking about this brother. I really really appreciate it. Lol I'm equally dense when someone tells me they like me. I fumbled it a lot ).. Yeah.. I ignored a lot of reds and that's why probably it's hurting me... But soon I'm moving to a new country Germany in about a month.. So all this will be behind me.. I hope I'll heal by then... It was hurting me and that's why I wanted to get it off my chest and wrote it here.