103 days free of PMO.
All went well yesterday with me going out late. Today I am focusing on productive tasks like cleaning the house and studying.
I want to meditate and maybe do some yoga later in the day.
Day 71
I had some rememberings of porn scenes and stayed a while in this state. I had cravings to watch her again (the actress) and I though that it is hard that I won't watch her again. I felt nostalgic. But everything is for a good reason and we need to learn to break attachments including porn. Eventually this sensation passed.
I think it is a very important step in recovering to eventually realize that this nostalgia is misplaced. It is an illusion.
You are not watching her (the actress) but pixels on a screen. There is zero human connection there, never was.
You are not "giving up" on these videos. You are escaping the trap of their corrosive influence.
It was these videos that damaged your mind in the first place. It was these videos that gave you the urges and the cravings.
Had you never watched them in the first place you wouldn't need a fix to feel better, you would just feel better.
You would have no dependency on such a crutch and would be better able to enjoy time with your family with an intact dopamine system.
You are not "giving up" on these videos. You are escaping the trap of their corrosive influence.
Day 0 - fell down last night. I'm in a situation where I'm working 7 days a week. Times are hard in London/UK. What got me down was the feeling that while I'm working around the clock and coming home to an empty flat each evening other people are out there living their lives.
But it's up to me to change that. I will keep a look out for other job opportunities and make sure i continue with my gym classes and new martial art classes i've taken up to try and shake out of this cycle i've allowed myself to fall into
I fall for this trap as well and am harsh on myself sometimes. It helps me to remind myself that each of us has different circumstances, strengths and weaknesses.
Each of us is playing a different game with a different character. You could lament why you didn't have an easier "stage" or more powerful "stats" / "arsenal" but it does not help.
All you can do is play
your game to the best of
your abilities. You can be very much proud of that regardless of outcome.
And its great to see you taking responsibility and coming up with possible solutions.