The Talk With My Boys

While I can understand her being upset at you, I think she shouldn't be upset at your kids. There still young and can learn from your example. She shouldn't be upset at you for trying to teach them about the addiction.

 

Great job talking to your boys.

Be careful when responding to your wife with sentiments like: "She started by blaming me and I explained that it is our society that is the issue."

That sounds a lot like not taking full responsibility for your own actions / your own choices in pursuing porn. (Yes, even with an addiction..we are 100% responsible.)

Your comment about our society is not wrong. The audience--your wife--is what is wrong with that statement. She doesn't need to hear that from you.

But telling your boys..communicating to them about the truth that porn is poison -- excellent job!

 

Good job, i think you really need to hammer it in... the devastating effects of PMO. My mom had like a couple talks with me, but it really wasn't enough.

Your boys will likely continue if they don't fully understand what they are doing to themselves.

I just don't want you to be naive and think that this one talk is gonna prevent them from P use in the future. I would have regular talks and like you said just talk about this stuff openly.
With drugs and alcohol, the reason i never touched this stuff is because we received LOTS of warnings and messages in school about people dying/ ruining their lives because of it. But we never get that same education or awareness or warning that PMO is just as bad. I never really heard it from my parents or in church or anywhere.

In fact, society normalized it so i didn't realize anything was wrong til 2 years in

 

Okay here's the problem. She's right that our society isn't the issue. But it's an issue. It doesn't excuse anyone, but it makes it a lot harder. Society means that, to reject porn is to elect to be a sign of contradiction and that's hard to do.

What do we do with that? We ask what is the lie that society tells us. That lie is that it is moral for a human being to be reduced to an instrument of one's pleasure. Someone consenting to surrender his or her dignity in that way doesn't make it okay. It's not moral to ask or expect it of someone. It's not moral for someone to do it. It's not moral for someone to take advantage of it and enjoy it. How did we get somewhere that the majority of us think these things are just fine?

This quote is usually attributed to St John-Paul II, though I haven't actually seen it properly sources as his. Either way, it accurately reflects what he held and taught about pornography, and the theology of human sexuality:

The point isn't "what should we not do" or "why is porn ultimately bad for me, the viewer," but what is proper to the dignity of the human person, both myself and all others, and how can I daily make choices that uphold it, defend it, and promote it?

We're not expecting boys to become men anymore, but we should, because good men do not use others; good men protect and defend others. Don't tell your boys what not to do. Instill in them a sense of mission by which to make the choices in their daily lives. You're trying to tell them to reject something everyone is telling them, and they brings them the reward of easy pleasure. Good. You should ask that of them, and they should do it. But you have to give them a reason, and you have to show them that it is reason enough.

Don't merely suggest things to them by playing to the same self interests that porn plays to. Deputize them into the great work of men to forge the world into what it should be.

What our sons today so desperately need to hear is "boys, this is the work and mission of men. It is time; step with us into the breach."

 

Why shouldn't she be upset with them? I'm not saying she should hate them, but if kids do something wrong why in the world shouldn't we be upset with them? How we express it a whole other thing, but "oh well you're a kid so it's no big deal" is total crap and honestly really disrespectful to the kids themselves. Are they not capable of doing what is right? By making it out to be no big deal, that's what we're saying, and when they internalize that they have carte blanche to do whatever they want, because no more can be expected of them, and their they don't expect more of themselves.