The ultimate goal...?

Hello my fellow fapstronauts!

It's been a while since I've posted anything on these forums so let me give you my nofap history in a nutshell. I joined the forums earlier this year (around February or March) because I had decided, for reasons listed in my first forum thread from back then, to take on the nofap challenge. My first attempt was a failure, I relapsed after 10 or so days. Then I started again and reached 30 days, after which I decided to extend the challenge to 90 days and then 100 days. I don't have to tell anyone here about the sruggles and difficulties I went through, the mixed feelings, uphills and downhills, and the ultimate feeling of accomplishment. I was glad I took the journey and proud for completing it. On day 101 I fapped, and to be honest I can't remember how I felt about it. I had completed my challenge and proved to myself I could do it, and then it was more or less back to normal. I fapped a lot less than I used to, though, and I've only watched porn a few times since, because one of my original goals was to give up porn for good. I was never so concerned about fapping to be honest, I just wanted to get rid of porn altogether and also see if I could abstain from masturbation at the same time. I never really had a problem with watching porn to begin with, I simply feel it's an unnecessary time-waster that I could do without and just "wrong" on some level, I don't know how else to put it.

Please excuse the long rant, I'm about to get down to the point. As you can see from my signature, I'm on a journey to top my 100 days. Before taking on this challenge I did nofap on and off, forgetting about it every once in a while and just fapping away, then abstaining for a week or two, then back to fapping again with a bit of porn every now and then. I'm happy to say I've kept wathing porn to the minimum and since completing my 100 days sometime in June I'd say I've watched porn less than 5 times. Since starting my current challenge I've relapsed once, which happened around the 20 day mark. I had worked absolutely mental hours and was exhausted and felt like I needed a realease, so I got drunk and stoned on my own, and yeah, you guessed it, I fapped, watched porn and fapped again.

Having relapsed, I felt pretty bad. I was also a bit worried that I'd get addicted to a new habit: fapping while stoned. If you've never tried it, please don't. I know different people feel differently when under the influence but for me it was blissful, and absolute state of rapture. I thought it felt better than real sex. Yikes. But fortunately I was sane enough to realise this would lead me down an extremely bad route. At this point things hadn't been going so well for me at work and I had started smoking (both cigarettes and weed) and drinking more than I used to. My salvation came in the form of a holiday that I had booked quite a few months earlier. I went away to spend time with my family and decided I couldn't let my family see me doing any of these things, so I went cold turkey. I now realise this post is getting ridiculously long so I'll cut to the case.

I came back from my holiday (most of which I hadn't been feeling too good) and now I'm clean and doing nofap, and according to my signature I'm past two months now. I feel good, apart from the ever-present urges that I believe every fapstronaut is familiar with. But lately I've started to struggle more again, although nothing like the first weeks, but I'm still slightly concerned. I have this idea in my head: Only about one more month to go and I'm free to fap again. Wait a second. That sounds wrong, doesn't it? What I'm struggling with here is the ultimate goal, or rather, what is the ultimate goal of NoFap? Apart from improving your way of life in general, which of course is what NoFap is essentially all about, and thus making you feel good, what happens after you've completed the challenge? I think completely giving up porn is a good answer, and it's something I can see as feasible, but surely I cannot abstain from fapping for the rest of my life? Would it even be desirable and is it even good for you in the long run? I feel I must find the answer to these questions to find the motivation to get through this journey. And not just my current challenge, because once I've done my 101 days I'm afraid I'll slip back if I don't have this "ultimate goal". I need something that will guide me further than that.

Apologies for the long post, I hope someone finds it interesting enough to read it all the way through and maybe give some feedback. I'm not really expecting anyone to present the "ultimate answer" to the "ultimate question". I know I'm almost touching on some very big subjects here, like how to lead a good life by finding balance that leads to happiness, but I'd be delighted to hear other views and opinions on all this.

Thanks for reading and stay strong!

 

Thanks for all the replies fellas, there's a lot of good points there and you helped me clear my head a bit. I think I actually needed someone to remind me of all the benefits of nofap and the fact that it makes you feel better in your everyday life. I know it's a bit silly because I kind of said that much myself, but when you're on a long streak it seems like it's easy to forget how you felt before you started. And, in general, I didn't feel half as good as I feel now.

I think quitting masturbation for good might indeed be the ideal, but someone mentioned sex drive, and I do believe this is something that can't be completely suppressed or redirected, as some people suggest. I might be wrong, but it is a fairly integral part of the human nature and in earlier times when life was hard it was essential to the survival of the species and thus is a very strong natural urge. Since I don't have a girlfriend I have no means of naturally satisfying this urge and must either suppress (which I don't believe is healthy) or redirect/replace it (which I find very hard, and I'm not sure if it can be done). I suppose there's evidence that it can indeed be done, though. Take the various people who choose to live in a religious selibacy, for example. I assume this must be a case of redirecting the sex drive to serve another purpose and achieve the state of high spiritualism. But I'm not sure if everyone is cabable of doing this, if it's perhaps just the people with a lesser sex drive (which is the unflattering approach) or people who possess an extraordinarily strong mind and willpower (the more flattering approach). Now that I think about it, that really is something to strive for, isn't it?

In any case, thanks again to all of you, I see more clearly now and I feel I can resume my journey with more confidence and perhaps more sense of what I'm trying to achieve. The ultimate goal? I still don't fully know, but I think I've managed to grasp enough of it to not relapse immediately when I finish my current challenge. I cannot say what's going to happen after that, but I'll find out when I get there.

Stay strong fellas, smooth journeys!