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The why of why I messed up after 151 days.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by ChangeofDavid, Oct 12, 2015.

  1. ChangeofDavid

    ChangeofDavid Fapstronaut

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    Hi all,

    I really plummeted two days ago after my aunt died. First, she was staying at my house, which itself made harder all aspects of life. Second, there was an extreme amount of stress that made me weaker. Third, she died last Friday, and on that day I messed up. Finally (to describe it), the stress and the events piled up, I ended up taking a sleeping pill, I wanted to sleep a few extra hours. In turn, the pill didn't make me tired. The pill kept me up, and I noticed my tired, stressed mind numb and falter. The pill didn't put me to sleep, but it seemed to drain energy I needed to keep the urge controlled. Thus, I looked on youtube, then I stumbled upon a bad image, and then I found a bad link, and here I am.

    I have to point to it, all of the loses and all of the gains in these 151 days. I now seem to have no plans for the future that I had three days ago. I lost many things: I lost the acumen that I gained, the impeccable will power, the confidence, and even my facial expressions changed. Please if you read, know that it will get easier. You will get better at resisting PMO and PSUBS; and you will grow into your future, which by the way feels awesome. I feel I have found my purpose since nofap.

    My old record was 131 days before this, and I realized after I passed it that it may be worth adding a new passable goal. This may have added to my demise. I forgot my purpose, my why behind this project which I now know.

    My one request, if you are starting a counter (or willing to change a counter), is that you add your why to the counter. The reason that you're engaging in nofap, and doing the hard work as it is worth remembering. Lastly, I recommend a challenge to yourself much harder than usual. My next goal, I hope to reach, will be much larger than before as I want to keep my motivation consistent.
     
    PotentLife, Gerald and Sentinel like this.
  2. I'm very sorry for your loss and believe me, I know how it feels and it's everything but nice, and that's without talking about how life is afterwards. What did you mean that your power, confidence and facial expressions changed, can you explain that? You seem to have been making pretty big scores though. 131 days and now 151.

    I relapsed today TWICE without P the second time. I won't stop and must resist pmo 100%.
     
  3. Gerald

    Gerald Guest

    My sincerest condolences to your aunty my friend, you have her on your side as we are all in this together for even the deceased are still with us in the mental plane of our consciousness and it is a powerful plane indeed, but you have us here with you and we will not give up on you or any of our brothers because we are all in this as a one, the industry is inhumane and does not know love for love is the way out when the heart opens you will know.
    The next moment when you pass your goal you will remember all the other beautiful moments you had and will never want to give that up and you won't because love will come to you when you will need it most my friend :).
     
    ChangeofDavid likes this.
  4. ChangeofDavid

    ChangeofDavid Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, @Gerald, that really helps. I am feeling better, and I am looking forward to being normal and trying my hardest. I appreciate, especially the message for my aunt. I am hoping to remember my why, the message I put at the bottom explains better.
     
    Gerald likes this.
  5. ChangeofDavid

    ChangeofDavid Fapstronaut

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    Hey, @RedDeer, after the first week it gets easier. It will be better if you try and grow through challenges. We all have the same capabilities, I really believe, which I hope you make it further. When you are in a grind remember why you are facing this challenge. Also, remember to save your energy in the beginning. its a tough fight between body and mind, I recommend making your schedule easier. Thank you for message!
     
  6. PotentLife

    PotentLife Fapstronaut

    Hey, ChangeofDavid, I'm very sorry to hear about your aunt dying. I hope you can relive the great times with her and celebrate her existence.

    Congratulations on your two big streaks. They're far longer than anything I've done. I'm sure I have lots to learn from you. Glad you have reconnected with your Why. Remembering things seems to be so much of recovery for me: remembering, as if reliving, the best times during my longest streaks may be the most powerful catalyst to reconnect with who I was back then and resume or enhance long streaks in the present.

    Remembering also plays a part in the clear-headedness often talked about in the Success forum. Instead of "euphoric recall" that is said to instigate relapse, it's amazing how you can remember scientific facts you learned fifteen years ago, or nuanced information or skills you might have deemed inaccessible while in the zombie stupor of full-blown addiction.

    I hope through patience and focus you regain your elasticity, the power of your intentions, your charismatic facial expressions, your multifaceted passion for living, and a stronger -ever-growing - understanding of your Why.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2015
    ChangeofDavid likes this.

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