ThePatroller
New Fapstronaut
Hi, I'm 21 years old and I've been watching porn for about 10 years.
I grew up watching movies with my parents, and when any kind of minimally sexual scene appeared, I felt curious about it, but at the same time I felt nervous, nervous about talking about it with my parents, or indicating any related feelings. This made me grow very reluctant to talk to them about sexual things, taking years to be able to talk to them calmly about the subject. This nervousness and curiosity made me start looking for it alone, watching it hidden on TV when I could, and later on the internet.
This probably came around the same time I discovered masturbation. My friends at school talked about it and then I learned about it and started making it a habit. When I was around 10 or 11 years old, I had the habit of going to the bathroom every day as soon as I got home from school to masturbate. And I continued like this for years, just as a habit.
But something important about this time is in relation to video calling applications with strangers. When my friends and I went to each other's houses, we used these apps to talk to people from different places, and sometimes, women who showed themselves naked. This made me start using these apps myself, repeatedly showing me back to get what I wanted. I had no idea how dangerous a situation that was, but I don't blame my parents for that, I love them very much and I owe them a lot, I lived at the beginning of this explosion that was the internet, everything was very new and unknown, I I don't blame them for any of this. I never told this fact to anyone, I don't know if it was out of shame or because I felt guilty, but I don't feel like it's something that affects me much nowadays, at least not consciously, although it could be related to the problems I face today. day.
Things got worse when I reached puberty and started interacting with girls, and due to my lack of control, I betrayed the trust of a friend very dear to me, all due to lack of masturbation and pornography, this made my entire group of friends move away. And even though it was something that happened over 5 years ago, I still find myself feeling guilty.
After that my behavior got worse, but it really peaked during the pandemic. With so much free time and at home, I alleviated any anxiety about masturbation and the pandemic. Like everyone else, I lost people in my family, which made my problem even worse, taking me deeper and deeper into the depths. It was at that time that I understood that this was something that harmed me and that I hated doing. And in many different ways I have tried to stop, and so far, without success.
Today I live in a healthy relationship with the love of my life and I have a great sex life, being much better than I ever was in relation to pornography. However, it is still something present, that still eats at me, making me have fetishes with things that I am completely against, making me feel like crap.
I see the act of writing this text and becoming more active in this community as just another attempt to free myself from this hellish addiction, but I really want to believe that it will be what makes it possible for me to overcome this. Thank you for your attention
I grew up watching movies with my parents, and when any kind of minimally sexual scene appeared, I felt curious about it, but at the same time I felt nervous, nervous about talking about it with my parents, or indicating any related feelings. This made me grow very reluctant to talk to them about sexual things, taking years to be able to talk to them calmly about the subject. This nervousness and curiosity made me start looking for it alone, watching it hidden on TV when I could, and later on the internet.
This probably came around the same time I discovered masturbation. My friends at school talked about it and then I learned about it and started making it a habit. When I was around 10 or 11 years old, I had the habit of going to the bathroom every day as soon as I got home from school to masturbate. And I continued like this for years, just as a habit.
But something important about this time is in relation to video calling applications with strangers. When my friends and I went to each other's houses, we used these apps to talk to people from different places, and sometimes, women who showed themselves naked. This made me start using these apps myself, repeatedly showing me back to get what I wanted. I had no idea how dangerous a situation that was, but I don't blame my parents for that, I love them very much and I owe them a lot, I lived at the beginning of this explosion that was the internet, everything was very new and unknown, I I don't blame them for any of this. I never told this fact to anyone, I don't know if it was out of shame or because I felt guilty, but I don't feel like it's something that affects me much nowadays, at least not consciously, although it could be related to the problems I face today. day.
Things got worse when I reached puberty and started interacting with girls, and due to my lack of control, I betrayed the trust of a friend very dear to me, all due to lack of masturbation and pornography, this made my entire group of friends move away. And even though it was something that happened over 5 years ago, I still find myself feeling guilty.
After that my behavior got worse, but it really peaked during the pandemic. With so much free time and at home, I alleviated any anxiety about masturbation and the pandemic. Like everyone else, I lost people in my family, which made my problem even worse, taking me deeper and deeper into the depths. It was at that time that I understood that this was something that harmed me and that I hated doing. And in many different ways I have tried to stop, and so far, without success.
Today I live in a healthy relationship with the love of my life and I have a great sex life, being much better than I ever was in relation to pornography. However, it is still something present, that still eats at me, making me have fetishes with things that I am completely against, making me feel like crap.
I see the act of writing this text and becoming more active in this community as just another attempt to free myself from this hellish addiction, but I really want to believe that it will be what makes it possible for me to overcome this. Thank you for your attention