There and back again

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Ackzar, Feb 25, 2017.

  1. Ackzar

    Ackzar Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys, pretty new user here but have been visiting the site more and more lately.
    I'm 23 now and the area of my life where I have been the most consistent in is porn. Since I was about 16/17 years old I started actively watching porn and the amount/intensity of it peaked between 18-20. Naturally I have always been a pretty social person, but I always kept people at a certain distance. Because what if they would really find out who I was and what I was doing? In the period where you make the most connections and find out what it is to be social, I never expressed myself or wanted to be seen because I was afraid of what others would see. Also because I spent so much time on it, I didn't really develop any other interests (to a deep level) which creates an additional barrier to socializing and just being cool with wh you are. If you spend a big portion of your free time doing something you can't really talk about.. Then (in my case) I was always focused on other people's stories, because I didn't want to share mine.

    I'm quite a handsome fellow and I have always gotten a lot of attention from women. People wouldn't understand why I was single or why I wasn't as involved with the ladies as I could be. I've had a couple of sexual encounters but I never felt as connected and it didn't quite feel right. Lately though the interaction and attraction is going better, just currently not that experienced and my last encounter I had some DE/PE i'd say. That is also the main thing stopping me from seducing girls more often, because my main issue is now that DE/PE will happen.

    I have always believed that I could achieve anything I set my mind to.. But for the past year I have not been able to stop this one destructive habit. Like many of you, it then was pretty hard for me to admit to myself that I indeed was addicted to porn. However, I feel that overall I am on the winning side of the battle. My highest record was 14 days prior to finding NOFap and I already felt so much different and more free during that period. I've had streaks of days anywhere ranging from 3-10 over the past year and sometimes I would PMO once, leave it alone for a couple of days and then return. So over time, I have continued the practice, just a lot less. The current streak is now 6 days no porn, I have masturbated twice but there was no fantasy or mental imagery and I was completely in the moment enjoying myself and the whole experience was quite a mini-breakthough for me tbh. I felt refreshed and alive and I could only imagine how that must be when you share THAT with another.

    The reason I kinda snapped, signed up and wrote this entire piece is because there is carnaval going on here and I felt a pang in my heart. I felt really alone and sad and also cried a bit. I never (allowed) myself to feel that because all those years of porn just kinda made me numb. Same reason I never did Yoga consistently for a long period of time, it really makes me feel alive again and now I know, that how I really feel isn't fun at all.
    I regret spending so little time with my friends during highschool, therefore being less connected with them and the lost potential of that period. I'm pissed for all of the opportunities missed because I was afraid to show myself because I didn't want people to find out. What I hate the most is that after all this time, after all these experiences and (recently more and more) I still have not fixed this issue in my life. And I find it sad having to turn to other for help, but im currently at the point where I am willing to do whatever it takes. It really is the only challenge in my life, and I feel that overcoming this will be one of the most learning experiences in my life.

    Sorry for this post, I really didn't mean to make it this long. Just writing it all really made some things come out.
     
    D . J . likes this.
  2. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Thank you for sharing your story and welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and not judge you.

    It is not sad asking others for help, it is sad not asking others for help. Clearly you needed to be humbled and your pride broken in order for healing to begin because you may find yourself asking for help often and that's okay. We will be here to help you.

    What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
     
    Ackzar likes this.
  3. Ackzar

    Ackzar Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, I noticed that as well. Also in my own-self reflection during one of my study courses I stated that it was easy for me to help others. Asking help however.. is something that I still find difficult but am gradually finding easier.

    To be honest, i'm not sure I really have any consistent strategies. Right now my main strategy is to cut off the proces at the start. At school or work PMO'ing never crosses my mind, only when I am alone. So whenever the "thought trap" arrives that a few picture couldn't hurt I instantly stop what i'm doing and poke holes into that theory (based on evidence from the past). I'm also going to be less inwardly focused. A week from now I start my internship and combined with work and starting to workout again, I won't be by myself as much and i'll have a lot of things to focus on. Not having anything better to do was my quickest way to PMO. I'm also going out more and inviting people to my place as well. This Wednesday a girl is sleeping over at my place and we're probably going to get it on. I still fear ED/DE a bit, but I am willing to go through that fear now if it means winning it long-term.

    I've also been noticing people around me a lot more (especially women my age) and also feeling the attraction and being more curious about people in general, whenever (in the past 6 days) PMO'ing has come up, i ask myself: would I rather be attracted and enticed by all the real women in my neighborhood or to a virtual screen. I reinforce this by consciously enjoying and appreciating it whenever someone grabs my attention.

    Question: Would it first be smarter to have no PMO or sex during a reboot or should I try to create and reinforce healthy sexual habits from the start?
     
    D . J . likes this.
  4. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    There are two schools of thought and your question contains both of them. I fall on the 'hard mode' side of quitting everything for the reboot to truly reset and reboot back to factory settings.

    Check out In Case You Didn't Know for strategies and tips to help you along your journey.
     
    Ackzar likes this.
  5. Ackzar

    Ackzar Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the link! I actually already read it before you posted it.. Great content!
    Well I will keep that into consideration. If I notice any kind of progress Wednesday, i'll continue along that path. Although my last two M-sessions have been completely different and eye-opening experiences, I believe it is best to abstain from that as well for the upcoming time.

    Thanks again for all of the reply's. You've really made me feel welcome!
     
    D . J . likes this.
  6. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Now that you are officially introduced, it is a great time create a journal. Go to the Reboot Logs and find your age group and begin a thread which is your journal. Place a link here so that we can follow and encourage you along your journey.
     
  7. Ackzar

    Ackzar Fapstronaut

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  8. Italics the Bold

    Italics the Bold Fapstronaut

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    I'm no expert, but my feeling is that MO is okay in moderation. By moderation i mean only do it when it really feels right, which in my experience is probably no more than once a week or once a fortnight. Never use PSUBS. I didn't realise the power of them until a few weeks ago when they started sending me towards a relapse. Also, only MO when you are feeling really strong and are not "looking" for it. If there is anything psychologically similar to PMO going on in your brain, never MO.
    All that said, i think i felt best about my journey during the first 3 months where i think i might have MO'd once and had sex twice. There is definitely some interesting stuff that happens when you go more towards the hard mode. It's worth experiencing.
    It has been around 220 days since PMO for me and it has been one of the best things i've ever done. Having faced the addictive brain years ago as a smoker, i know vigilance will be required for another year or two at least yet!
    Good luck with your journey. You will never regret putting PMO behind you, hold onto that truth!
     
    D . J . likes this.
  9. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    How does one who has been addicted to PMO choose to limit MO to the moderation you have suggested?
     
  10. Italics the Bold

    Italics the Bold Fapstronaut

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    I guess for me, if i couldn't PMO then the fun was largely taken out of the whole deal. MO was not the same level of temptation and therefore i've mostly been able to limit it. It wont be that way for everyone of course.
    But in making the call not to PMO, you are making a call for greater quality in your sex life and greater quality in your life in general. Limiting MO has to be a part of that i think... Listening to your body and managing your lifes energies leads in this direction. It places rewards on the table that otherwise are missed.
    A factor i'm not taking into account here is that i'm married and get to have sex once a week or so. Oops!
    So if single, limiting MO to twice a week sounds about right to me...
     

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