There is this Porn movie...

J

JaGar1

Fapstronaut
...that keeps making me crazy.

Hi there, I need to adress a certain topic with you, because I'm feeling very odd about this situation.

You see, when I was 11 Years old I found a Porn Clip, which has stayed with me for over 10 years. You could even say it is somehow a part of me... which is terribe. I had been looking at that same porn movie almost daily, I simply couldn't stop. It came to the point where I couldn't get off any other porn movies. It sacred me, I even downloaded it and had it in all of my devices, so I could get off to it at any moment i wanted, even at school. I would even dare to say it makes me feel... safe, but I know how terrible that ist!

30 days in, I still vividly think about it through out my day. It is horrible... I know every sound, every movement, every position and every change of perspective by heart. It is quite frightening tbh...

Has any of you got any experience like that? I just wonder if it is as uncommon as I think. And I really don't know what to do about it...

Thanks in advance btw
 
I'm sorry.
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Do you still have it on your devices?
 
JaGar1 said:
...that keeps making me crazy.

Hi there, I need to adress a certain topic with you, because I'm feeling very odd about this situation.

You see, when I was 11 Years old I found a Porn Clip, which has stayed with me for over 10 years. You could even say it is somehow a part of me... which is terribe. I had been looking at that same porn movie almost daily, I simply couldn't stop. It came to the point where I couldn't get off any other porn movies. It sacred me, I even downloaded it and had it in all of my devices, so I could get off to it at any moment i wanted, even at school. I would even dare to say it makes me feel... safe, but I know how terrible that ist!

30 days in, I still vividly think about it through out my day. It is horrible... I know every sound, every movement, every position and every change of perspective by heart. It is quite frightening tbh...

Has any of you got any experience like that? I just wonder if it is as uncommon as I think. And I really don't know what to do about it...

Thanks in advance btw
Click to expand...
I always had favourites. I have a thing about sound so I recorded the sound of one and listened to it on headphones. I think it has to do with the way sex joins you to a partner and the more you are with them it becomes closer to you. The hard part is how it pops into your head when you're not thinking so you need to rewire your brain. Try to keep your mind active by listening to music or podcasts. The last few days I've had things drop into my head but I distracted myself and messaged my accountability partner. It is possible but it needs work
 
I think many of us had their favourites. If its certain vids, girls or sites doesn't matter. It gives a feeling of security, because you know what to expect, something that you can "rely on". To only have one vid at all for such a long time, maybe is extreme, but still nothing that is not relateable or explainable. Maybe it's a symptom for a deeper problem. Do you struggle with new things/activities also in other parts of your life? Do you wish yourself back to the time, when you started to enjoy this clip?
 
Beware my friends!
As time goes on you will need ever increasing dosages of stimulation. This will be necessary to achieve orgasm. Your previous masturbatory fodder will prove insufficient. My own situation will prove instructive. I never had any interest in lesbian porn. But as my addiction increased I found myself seeking it out. I would then fap to it relentlessly. Aggressive and violent sex scenes had the same effect on me.

As my reliance on such stimulus, in order to ejaculate, increased so did my shame. The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves. I always felt myself superior to sex/ porn addicts. I never thought I would become ensnared in such vile activity. What a shock I was in for! I thank Nofap everyday for the strength my fellow fapstronauts give me.

Good luck comrades!
 
This is why I think just abstinence for a certain period of time is not enough. When I was growing up the only thing I saw was a low res, black and white clip of a penis thrusting inside a vagina. Basically a GIF. That's it. Clearly the stimulation is more sophisticated today, but a lot of people seem to think just counting days is enough. It's a start, but I figure if I had little exposure compared to the younger guys now and I'm doing MORE than just counting days... I don't know how well that's going to work with you guys when you have more to deal with.
 
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