there's more shame in being a porn addict

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by iceman40, Jul 22, 2016.

  1. iceman40

    iceman40 Fapstronaut

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    I was thinking about this for a while but society puts more of a shame on the people who are recovering from porn than any other addictions. So many addictions that are much worse than porn get a better rep. For example smokers, alcoholics, drug users, gamblers, and the list goes on and on. When you hear that a gambler has lost everything including the family home and his entire savings and he's going to counseling, most people think he's doing the right thing. He's a good person for trying to fix himself.

    But when people hear that so-and-so is going to get help for his porn addiction all of a sudden they think something awful of this person. Like he's some kind of rapist or child molester. That's the problem with porn is that finding treatment is so hidden and so hush-hush. Nobody really wants to talk about it even though they're more porn addicts than any other addicts in the world.

    I wish there were more than used to treatment of porn addicts like us. Maybe that's a reason why we've been using for so long is because we haven't found help.

    Please share your comments
     
  2. Part of the problem is us, mate. We don't talk about it. Have you told your SO (if you have one)? Your mum? Your dad? Siblings? Friends? And if the answer is no, why haven't you?
    *by saying you I am speaking not to you personally, but to all reading this*

    Porn addiction gets very little exposure from those that suffer with it. Shame, secrecy, guilt, lies...these are the hallmarks of a pmo addiction. Until those hallmarks are broken by us, the addicts, the public opinion will persist.

    It is changing, however. Terry Crews, Russell Brand, John Mayer, et al. People are starting to hear about it. Starting to take notice. What we need is more people like you and I speaking, letting people know it affects people you wouldn't think it does...your son, your husband, your neighbor, your coworker...

    It's a common problem that's been undercover for far too long.
     
  3. Please, elaborate o_O
    No seriously, porn is the worst addiction is it not?
     
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  4. I think that all addictions are bad.
     
  5. Hotshot

    Hotshot Fapstronaut

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    Never heard of anyone being put down for it personally. Most women I know expect it and assume all guys do it, so they don't seem care.

    It should be talked about much more. People like Terry Crews who have bigger followings with fame putting it out there is huge.
     
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  6. aLex is intoxicated

    aLex is intoxicated Fapstronaut

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    Terry Crews is doing the right thing. We will eventually shift from this stigma that porn is normal and okay.
     
  7. Alaska2

    Alaska2 Fapstronaut

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    Most people don't wanna talk about it. Hell, I would do anything to keep my family from hearing about it. I'm a teenage girl and its "not normal" for us to be looking at that type of stuff. For us, it's supposed to be easy to stay away. So if my family knew, they would probably think I was disgusting. I would hate myself.

    Back to having resources. I'm kind of glad it's so hush hush. I don't want people knowing that I'm getting help for PMO. But I think people need to be educated in school about the harmfulness of porn so they don't need to get help. Sex Ed should talk about that kind of stuff instead of saying its natural. It's not freaking natural.
     
  8. You're right I kinda like this underground feeling of this site.
     
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  9. J. Aubrey

    J. Aubrey Fapstronaut

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    Have to say- I kinda referenced to my gf that the reason when we started our relationship that I struggled to get intimate, was because I watched too much porn.
    It was probably pretty weird for her to hear, but luckily she was pretty understanding, and being honest about it (from my POV) took a huge weight off my shoulders.
    Our physical relationship has got much better since I started cutting down of my own accord. I still relapse (often)- but now I've found this site, and I really really hope it will give me the kick up the ass I need to get this (spunk) monkey off my back forever.
    But yeah- I'm a big fan of honesty and being open (to people I trust). I already felt guilty about my addiction, and lying/concealing about why I was struggling to get intimate just added to the guilt.
     
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  10. Meshuga

    Meshuga Fapstronaut

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    I agree, there is more shame in it.

    Pornography is considered normal. While I was deployed with the Army, softcore porn in the form of men's magazines were everywhere. When I said I didn't want to watch porn, I was publicly shamed for it. Other soldiers, including a Sergeant, tried to trick me into watching porn. Visit a buddy in his barracks room, there's his roommate, watching porn. One of my friends got a Sony PSP when they first came out. The first thing he did was download porn onto it so he could share it at work. On second deployment, one of my Sergeants brought his entire stash with him. They would gather around in the office and watch it together, commenting on various model's appearance and performance. Again, they'd pull me over to "take a look at this," for stuff that technically didn't show nudity so it wasn't porn. Sorry to be vague, but triggers. I saw my first hardcore from that stash.

    It's so normalized, there's a high degree of ridicule associated with addiction. Some dudes can't handle their liquor, but a guy that can't handle his porn? What a pussy. I venture to propose, however, that most of these guys are addicted. If they tried to stop they couldn't, but they don't know that because they never had a reason to stop.

    NoFap founder Alex Rhodes didn't figure there was a problem until he discovered his chronic PIED. Outside of religious institutions, this is usually the catalyst for anyone seeking help. Men do not identify P as a problem until it is so bad their dick literally won't work, and then they quit (through a long, arduous, painful process) and find that PIED was just the last of a whole host of debilitating side effects. Truthfully, getting PIED and looking for help is probably the best thing that could happen to us. Otherwise, if we have our P addiction 'under control,' we walk around with anxiety, depression, low self esteem, and a warped perception of sex and an entire half of the population, and never know that none of it is normal.

    Inside religious institutions, it's a different story. I won't say it's better. They at least identify it as a problem, but their solutions are useless. They want you to 'pray it out' and 'give it to Jesus' and get an accountability partner who you are going to lie to anyway. You will lie, because if all the praying and the giving it to Jesus doesn't work, that means it's Jesus' fault and we can't have that now, can we? There is also a subtle, but ever present undercurrent of judgement because, let's face it, you knew better and you sinned anyway. How could you do that to your future spouse and yourself and to sweet baby Jesus who died on the cross just for you? How could you throw it all away on porn you monster?

    I think it's safe to say I have a pretty deep seated resentment toward the church. Not toward God. Just His mindless, judgemental minions. I feel guilty calling them out in public like this, but they have screwed me over too many times and I am tired of their weird culture.

    Bottom line, confessing your porn addiction will win you no admiration for your 'strength' in 'fighting this,' outside the church or in. One doesn't think P is a problem, the other will browbeat you and give you ineffective 'solutions.'
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2016
  11. KiKopowa

    KiKopowa Fapstronaut

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    Dont u ever feel shame for a bad habit that you are trying to overcome ,not to mention that no1 had the knowledge that if u watch P u ll have ED and other problems. When i shared my PMO addiction and the benefits i expirienced with other PMO addicts"friends" (they dnt posses the knowledge back then, now they do but they still chose to be ignorant wankers) they made me feel shameful. Should i care?
    When i told my "friends" i was trying to quit PMO and also smoking, they ware showing me P and some even offered me cigarettes. Why they did that? I dont even care, those people are not right for my personal growth. Now im 3-4months smoke-free i also never felt my mind so clear from P-thoughts and now i got no real friends HAHA.
    People stop caring what the society has to say about you, they chose to be ignorant. The more u bother the more they anckor u on the bottom of the ocean.
    Im so grateful i found this site i could talk freely and not being judged negativelly out of ignorance.
     
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  12. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    Because they were attempting to convert you to their liking, as means of reassuring themselves that their lifestyles are correct and exemplary. That is why changing a lifestyle very often requires changing your social circles.

    As for whether porn addiction is perceived as shameful... I don't know - I'd say it's more brow-raising. I personally have already accepted the sad fact that noone will commend - or even give a toss about my chastity. Being off the contemporary hedonistic pop-cultural transmission belt, you just need to get used to loneliness, I guess.
     
  13. iceman40

    iceman40 Fapstronaut

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    I agree with you and how organized religion does not help the porn addiction. I do believe in the higher power but never to money grabbing and power seeking organized religions.
    There are so many people on this site who are very religious and they talk about God saving them. That's like wanting to lose weight and expect another person to do the work for you. You must take control and stop the addiction! We cannot use God as an excuse to fix our fucked up minds.

    Great post
     
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