Wow. It is quite an experience reading through some of these SO journals here. I can't do it without tears streaming down my face. How heartbreaking. So much brokenness and human misery and wasted love and deep wounds. And I've contributed to it. I've done my own bit to cause that very same pain and feelings of helplessness and inadequacy in my wife. I hope this rotten realization can fuel my own effort to change, and care more about the harm I've done. I will say one thing to all of you. I know all the men in your lives are different. Some are more callous and indifferent than others. But I do remember speaking to a counselor one day about wanting to quit porn. And he asked me why I wanted to. And I told him that it was a violation of my values and principles, that it wasn't consistent with my faith, that it holds me back from being the man I want to be, etc. And then he said "you didn't mention anything about not wanting to hurt your wife." And he was right. I hadn't. For some reason, in my head, this is just such a totally different category of a thing, that it didn't occur to me. I love my wife. I'd do just about anything for her. And yet, not even a blip on the radar. Do you see the level of blindness here? How horrible this addiction is, that we don't even see the obvious? It's crazy to say "don't take it personally". What could be more personal? But some of us at least, truly are that messed up in the head. We truly, honestly, in the moment of compromise, don't feel like it has anything to do with love, or our relationships. We're hungry, so we grab something to eat. Or we're stressed, and grab a relief. Doesn't even enter our minds that we're taking a dagger into the heart of all we hold dear. Not sure if this makes it better or worse. But maybe it explains something. I don't know. I'm so sorry, ladies. I was blind. What, in God's name, have I done? You all deserve so much better.