Think about how easy you have it

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Ekhangel, Nov 14, 2019.

  1. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

    Pornography/sex addiction is a sort of a mental virus or disease - I think we all can agree on that. Yes, it doesn't get you killed, but it CAN be very harmful, for example by destroying families, careers or simply personal lives. Now, think about people suffering from more directly understood viruses or diseases - the treatment they have to undergo, the costly doctors they have to visit, the risky surgeries they have to attempt, the diet consultants they have to pay, the lengthy mental therapies, all that. Now, in this context it's funny to realize that in order to effectively combat the effects of your disease you have to do:


    Just DON'T wank is all. No fighting for your life with the last bits of your energy, time and money. No fundraisers for that $100.000 surgery. No yearlong experimental drug therapies that go into hundreds of bucks and don't help. That is how easy you have it compared to others.

    Probably won't help many people, and I admit it is a rather shallow realization (easier said than done, right?), but it is just funny when you think about it.

    This is not to undermine masturbation addiction as a problem at all, as I know it is one and I have been through this myself (until I started a family, but urges are occasionally kicking in these days, admittedly), but let's just all think together about people among us with serious cancer or autoimmunological problems etc. whose fight for their lives (literally or symbolically defined) takes much more than what we have to put in. They would surely laugh you out hearing about your challenges - not because they're irrelevant, but because they're in fact (relatively) laughably easy to face.
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2019
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  2. romeolima

    romeolima Fapstronaut

    The one big difference being openness.

    If I had cancer or was quitting smoking etc. I would be able to tell everybody about it and be able to rely on the support of family and friends.

    With porn it's a battle I'm largely fighting on my own, and whilst I agree that you don't have to raise money, risk surgery etc. it's so much easier to no fight. Even if I was addicted to drugs I'd need money to go and buy drugs, I don't need money to access porn.
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  3. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

    Well, that is provided you actually have family and friends. There are people who don't (parents died/separated and moved out, wife divorced, taken kids etc.) and still face health-related tragedies without a penny in the pocket. These are not frequent instances, but they exist.

    And as regards the lone fight - we're here to support you! But yeah, back in my "struggle times" when I told my schoolmates about what I'm going through, they looked at me with an evident "WTF" on their face, and I never touched the topic again.
  4. Overforme

    Overforme Fapstronaut

    I would disagree that all you have to do is "nothing." It doesnt take "nothing" to gain something. You need to take the time to mature, make a plan, set new goals, use these forums, many need sex therapists..this isnt nothing. Many people, myself included, spend a lot of time to make sure they dont relapse. I constantly have to fight so I can stay away from pmo. Time is something that isnt free, so for myself personally, I'm not doing "nothing." I see my sex therapist tomorrow and last I checked that costs me my time and my money. It's not covered under my insurance. The time away from work I will be missing costs me money too. The time I spend here to stay clean takes away time from my life where other people dont need to come here. And I assume you're not suffering much, OP, because I experience withdrawal symptoms still and I've been clean over a couple of months. The medication for serotonin reuptake and supplements for health that I now need arent "nothing."
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  5. Ronila

    Ronila Fapstronaut

    I do not like blaming "things people do" for outcome of their life. There is a good reason for that.
    Term addiction should never be applied so hastily to behaviors like pornography use, because these behaviors do not produce truly compulsive loss of control, in contrast real addiction behaviors - like drug abuse.
    True addiction is manifested when person does not care about anything other than "taking the drug" and exercises no control over his/her actions.
    For this reason real addicts end up living on the street, selling their belongings and eventually get in to crime.
    You can say someone has an addiction, when they snort, smoke or take the drug in-front of anyone without care, when they show up stoned to borrow money to get drugs. That is addiction.
    This is important because addiction means loss of individual control, loss of any regard for anything other that the drug.
    In doing so addiction removes responsibility from the person and rightfully so.

    Because individual looses executive control, addiction as a disorder helps explain and understand their irrational and destructive behavior.

    Use of term addiction does not fit with behaviors most people who claim to be porn addicts exhibit. Vast majority can withhold use indefinitely if circumstances are such that they can not consume pornography.
    They do not open their phone and watch porn openly and begin masturbating on the train, because they "need a fix". In majority of cases withhold and postpone their behavior that they call addictive.
    These are two conflicting ideas, addictive behavior does not allow for rational control.

    Porn addict by definition is someone who watches porn and does not feel ok if he/she did not use it. Someone who will do anything to watch porn and does not care about where and how they get their porn.
    Although I am sure there are people I described above, they are extraordinarily rare.

    So finally I can conclude this with saying that calling porn use an addiction on wide scale, is in most cases an attempt to blame something for your poor behavior.
    It allows one to enjoy being part of the group of addicted and struggling, and further justify behavior one seems to despise.

    If something is hard to stop or start, it does not mean it is an addiction.
    People want to start working out, they swear they will start tomorrow and they do not, in a week they swear again and they do not.
    People say they will stop eating pizza or drinking so much coffee, but next day comes and they do not.
    Behavior change is inherently hard, and most of the problems people here report fall in to category of "habitual porn abuse" and struggle with behavior change.
    A habit people try to stop so much they label it as addiction

    Recognizing your porn use is not an addiction, but a habit you developed and continue to fuel, is in my eyes far more effective, honest and liberating for the individual. It puts the person face to face with reality - his behavior.
  6. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

    Ok, you are a pretty hardcore case if you actually decided to undergo therapy and take drugs. I'll admit what I said doesn't apply to you then. When writing the OP I had in mind people just sitting in front of their laptop at night with that unsurmountable urge to watch pixels engaging in a sexual intercourse again, and contemplating the probable effects of relapsing yet again.

    I get what you're saying; the term "addiction" seems a little abused these days. But then, the term is not precisely definable at all, as we may be talking about "levels of" addiction etc., and then arguing over whether a specific case already is, or is not yet an addiction etc.

    Either way: we may just change the first sentence of my OP to: "Habitual pornography use is a sort of a mental virus or disease". Then we will be probably arguing about the nature of viruses and diseases. And in the end the discussion would probably boil down to the term "undesirable condition". So, the bottom line is: people struggling with life-threatening diseases have to spend tens of thousands of bucks and undergo serious surgeries to treat their undesirable condition, whereas all it takes for us to change our undesirable condition is just forget that decadent Brazzers crap, keep those hands on your desk and go on with whatever activity alternative to masturbation you might come up with, until your brain effectively rewires, which might indeed take some significant amount of time, alas.

    And in both cases it is a fight for life, and a fight for freedom in a way. But yeah, freedom too is a term with a very tricky definition.

    And yes, this "kids are starving in Africa" line of argumentation is indeed naive, but here's hoping that maybe some people around here will be helped by naive argumentation!
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2019
  7. Ronila

    Ronila Fapstronaut

    You missed the point.

    Names we give things greatly affect our behavior.
    Saying - someone have cancer, creates clear picture of what the person is dealing with and the difficult life ahead.
    Then saying - ops, never mind, it is not cancer, just a flu, changes persons life.
    These are fundamental changes in how the person feels about his life, and those happen because he/she heard one word - cancer.

    Words are important, and so when people with a "flu" start screaming they have "cancer" so everybody including themselves feels sorry for them - its a problem.
    When people diagnose themselves with an addiction, while they simply developed emotional problems and poor habits. They deceive themselves.
    This deception allows them to blame everything on addiction, but the worst part is that this leads to inaction.
    They explain away their poor behavior with one - word addiction.
    Any health problem they have is obviously caused by - addiction
    Feeling bad today - because: addiction.
    Feeling shy - addiction.
    Odd sensation in the leg - addiction.
    Problems are because of addiction

    How convenient.

    And all it does is lead to inaction, it's an excuse to continue to struggle, and not to change.
  8. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

    Fine, but why are you bringing this up in here anyway? This thread isn't a philosophical discourse on the definition of addiction or the influence that our understanding of certain terms has on our lives.

    I, for that matter, have always defined my problem as an addiction, but I never really freaked out about it; I accepted full responsibility for my actions and didn't act like a victim to an outward factor that I have no reasonable control over. Also, I never believed all my life's problems are due to PMO, because that's just naivety. Maybe that's because my addiction was a relatively mild addiction, where I didn't have to stop at the gas station to wank in the toilet to gay videos on my smartphone, as some of the unfortunate sufferers here do. But I would occasionally spend about 45 minutes at the shower, for instance, wasting plenty of tap water and hurting my genitals. So I'm wondering how high do I rank in the world PMO addiction stats.
  9. Ronila

    Ronila Fapstronaut

    Let me remind you - you are on public forum. I am part of the public.You came here to interact with us, present your ideas and get feedback. Feedback it seems you do not like

    Additionally you said "Pornography/sex addiction is a sort of a mental virus or disease - I think we all can agree on that."

    I disagree with that. That very statement is an attempt to label porn "a disease, a virus" and blame party follows, explaining what bad things it does for "insert reason why", and everyone here that you believe agrees with you, should be cheering - yes, yes its true!

    But I disagree.

    I am the wrong person to ask to rank you in this hypothetical ranking, that supposedly ranks how much of this "virus you got in your mind".
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  10. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

    Oh, okay. It would have helped our communication had you quoted this specific phrase (i.e. me defining pornography addiction as a sort of virus/disease) instead of the entire post. I don't have a problem with you disagreeing on that, why would I.

    It's just that the main point of the OP was that we do in fact have it easy with fighting our "conditions" compared to so many others who have to put in a lot of active effort to achieve anything; we just have to try to forget that we ever were wankers and give up considering relapsing as an option. The rest should come by itself, if we're somewhat functional human beings (if we aren't, then PMO probably isn't the main problem anyway). Your dwelling on the definition of addiction seemed to me irrelevant to the subject, compared to Overforme's input, for instance. But you're free to post (almost) whatever you want, of course.
  11. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

    Finally someone else gets it. The key word is "Nothing". Do nothing. You are watching an attractive woman/man (I don't know you)? Do nothing. You are thinking about pornography? Think about nothing. You have urges to touch yourself? Do nothing.


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