Thinking about Killing myself

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by besttrueblood, Jul 28, 2016.

  1. besttrueblood

    besttrueblood Fapstronaut

    I've been a PMO addict for over 11 years and 5 years that I've been trying to stop PMO but always fail everytime. The reasons that suicide is in my thoughts these days is because i have nothing left. All my family members hate me, porn and women are in my head from when i wake up until i sleep, I havent found any job for years and no university wants to accept me and never have i been in a relationship. So i'm 24 and living with my mom and all she does everyday is complain how i'm a failure and that i can't accomplish anything in life and that her friends have better children because they have jobs and are studying. I've used porn, music, alcohol and everything that is bad as a painkiller for my deppresion that i've had for years and I think about using a knife to slash the veins in my arm so that my mom will deal with my dead body and show her that this is what she have done. But before i do anything i wanted to ask the Fapstronauts opinion on what i should do and if there is any light for me left?
  2. Soccer14

    Soccer14 Fapstronaut


    Please seek help from qualified professionals. I have included them below. While I say a bit more below, it is most important that you seek help from qualified professionals.

    While there are many people on this web-site who would love to support you and will do their best, this is ultimately not the place to seek help for suicidal thoughts. There are a few reasons for this. First of all, none of us are qualified or professionally trained. We will do our best to help, but this is far too serious of a topic for any of us to know how to handle. As an example of this, you can read TrueHuman's post. While I believe he has your best interest in mind, it is of my opinion that his post is entirely inappropriate and may send you even further into your depression. It is not safe to come to a place where there are people like this. So please, seek help in the right places, then come back here for further support.

    Here are some resources that I found by using a quick google search:


    Phone Call:
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2016
    MsPants, Diomedes, Person Guy and 5 others like this.
  3. itornael

    itornael Fapstronaut

    If you were really going to commit suicide you would have done it already. You are here because you want to get better.

    Your mom is a bitch, do not listen to her. Once, when I had about the same age as you (I'm on my 30s), my mother said something bad, I blocked from my mind and can't remember what it was, but I cried for a whole morning, 4 hours nonstop because I felt so much pity over myself and I knew she had a point.

    The best you can do is set a small goal here on nofap, see if you can accomplish it, then aim for a higher goal. Eventually you'll have the power to say "Mom, I don't know anymore if you want the best for me, because what you say does not help me in any way and is putting me down even further."

    I'm on my first week of NoFap, and I feel like I have more courage to say things like that. Just as an example, I told my mom that she seemed to like me more than she likes my father and I found that unnatural. She got a gloom face and walked out.

    I felt like an idiot for saying that, but then I realized I would never have the courage to stand up my mom like I did days ago.

    You're definitely in the right place to ask for help, but most important is you help yourself, nobody can live your life for you. And stop thinking of suicide that's stupid. We all gonna die someday why the haste
  4. Gladiatori

    Gladiatori Fapstronaut

    Besttrueblood: I know a lot about the feeling you have for suicide as I have had to deal with them since a few years ago. Occasionally I feel to do that myself, but It passes in a day at most now.

    The issue of the pandemic that is male suicide is complex. Males are outnumbering women 4:1 in suicide presently. Male homelessness due to divorce and job loss is at an all-time high. Our generation Y and Z is going through this through little of our own faults, rather the fault of our Society and Parents. Much of this to due with lack of male role models, and the emasculation of males from the system; beginning in public school...

    Rest assure you are not alone in this struggle.

    But alas... You are young, and there is time to start again.

    From what you have said, your depression is caused by basically what is almost standard these days. See, you are not fulfilling what you were as a man designed to to. Basically to build shit. To go out and explore. Etc.
    Alcohol,PMO allllll are depressive. First you have a spike of Gaba/DOPAmine then a crash. So this things are intertwined. Also You are stuck, with a mom who doesn't seem to give a shit... Been there.

    Here is all I can say about what you gotta do.

    Make yourself Strong again. The seed of manliness Is in you, because of the very reason you're here. Somewhere in your family tree Your Grandfather/Father Passed his genes down for that reason. TO YOU! SO YOU CAN DO IT! First... Hardest thing is to be away from the toxic environment as much as possible.... Reduce and Eliminate PMO.. Reduce the alcohol. one thing at a time. WORK OUT! Men need to work out, its primal needs here. People want you to fail, and you will prove them all wrong... U can do it. Don't kill ur self. THink of what you will rob this world of your possible contribution to its betterment if you extinguish your flame???

  5. Yes. Do this.

    Also watch this,

    And this,

    And this, don't not watch it because he is wearing a robe,

    If you don't watch the above at least reach out for help from a professional.
  6. Great stuff mate!
    Gladiatori likes this.
  7. You should not be replying to anyone having suicidal thoughts ever again.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2016
    Soccer14 likes this.
  8. @besttrueblood Of course there is light left for you, as long as you are still breathing. We all feel like giving up sometimes. I assure you, you don't want to die. You just want to escape the pain. Killing yourself will not help with that believe it or not. Pumping yourself full of hard drugs like heroin or meth won't help either, they will amplify the pain once you start to come down.

    I would suggest beginning a meditation practice of some kind, watch these if you haven't :D

    And this,

    Gladiatori and Deleted Account like this.
  9. Flossy Carter

    Flossy Carter Fapstronaut

    I really hope you're ok
    Please reply to us
  10. icanrockmylife

    icanrockmylife Fapstronaut



    First let me tell you that suicide is for weaklings. Oh man I'm telling you, every time I relapse, some suicidal thoughts pop up automatically. Well for me it was mainly because of the guilt that's associated with relapsing. For example, I think of what my parents expect of me and what I have been doing.

    you must realize that the reason suicide is what weaklings do is because it's easy for them. It is EASY to just end your life. However, it aint gonna be easy for your friends, your family, and everyone around you.
    Suicide is the ultimate escape. All of us experience failures and dark days. Embrace them.
    Remember, what doesn't kill you make you stronger. Success is hard but failure is easy.
    I assure you that you can be a champion, if you want yourself to and start changing.
    Be positive and go rock your life.
    Jon.B likes this.
  11. KiKopowa

    KiKopowa Fapstronaut

    There is so much light i promise, look above how many ppl care about you. Being 24 and living with your parents is tottaly ok, im 26 i live with my dad, my bro is 29 he lives with mom. Never had a gf?so do i, im 26. Being jobless? Thats fine i am also jobless, im from Greece"ppl here work for 300euro and they think its normal". Dont listen to your mom or any other person when the only thing that they offer is more negativity/trouble and no solution/support. Your mom is a victim of the societies standards i feel she magnifies the situation,please dont listen to her"its ok my parents act also the same, they are being taught this way". University? 99% of ppl attending university get out of it Dumber than they entered, Mindless sheep. Most of my friends have been to university and damn man, they become so much dumber i am not even kidding.
    Spend time and effort "real focus" on your personal development.
    I ll share a sercet those who had suicidal/Hit Rock bottom/Near death expiriences became the happiest ppl when they overcome their fears. im one of them.
    i dont know your situation bro, i just replyed to your post.
    My advice
    N1. Sungaze. Yes look at the sun. Wake up before the sun rises, grab a towel put it on your shoulder like u go on a vecation and head to nature, a park or somewere u can see the sun rise. look at the sun as much as u can, 1st time i sungazed was 15mins.Also u should be barefoot. Check sungazing.
    dont follow the 10sec rule, its bs, in a week u ll sungaze for +-30mins. Made sungaze into a habit.
    try to stay in nature as long as posible.
    N2. Truth. Your last resort to everything in life MUST BE TRUTH. Show your mother your post, peoples replies."Dont be scared about her reaction, i hurt my mom in the past so much now i have the greatest bond with".
    N3 NoPMO. when u feel like PMO go outside for a walk +more time in nature and calmness.
    N4 Dont attack any1 emotionally, verbally,phisicly. let them be. Even if they hate u, dont even think about them, some1 who hates another hates himself in a sense and projects that feeling to you.
    N5 IMPORTANT. Stop alcohol,drugs also stop eating meat, if u stop eating cheese that would be fantastic. that maybe seem hard but with sungazing u wont have much apetite for alcohol,drugs and that practise will gravitate you to more healthier diet. Food is like 50% of our feelings im not even kidding on this.

    Reply, Peace.
  12. droolpillow

    droolpillow Fapstronaut

    First off, I am very sorry for your current lot in life and the suffering that you are experiencing. Remember there are plenty of people in the world (including here) who feel compassion for you, and compassion is a strong form of love. Therefore know that you are loved, and there will always be people who would be willing to help lift you back up.

    If I was in your situation I would reach out to organizations in your area (google it) who can help with suicidal thoughts, including churches. Don't give up on yourself. Do not give up hope for a better life. You'll thank yourself later for it, and perhaps one day you too can help others who were in your shoes.

    Will keep you in my prayers.
  13. KiKopowa

    KiKopowa Fapstronaut

    I dont believe in quincidence, there is no luck. We both have Leonidas as an avatar.
  14. Hello besttrueblood,

    I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling. Rebooting has its ups and downs, just like life. We see many people experiencing both the ups and downs during the reboot, and though it may be hard to see now, these feelings you are having won’t last forever. There is light out there for you. You just have to be patient and find it. It will get better with time, if you are patient and wait.

    In the meantime, please seek professional help. I know the idea of calling a helpline might terrify you, but in times of crisis, we often need someone their to put our lives in perspective. So please contact someone who can help and don’t hang up on them. The International Association for Suicide Prevention maintains a list of suicide prevention hotlines for countries all over the world. Also, if you don’t feel up to actually talking to someone on the phone, unsuicide maintains a list of online Instant Messaging and chat suicide prevention resources.

    You are not alone in this. There are ways to treat depression. Please contact people that can help you. Being depressed often makes it feel like you don’t have any more options. But that is a lie. That is just the depression talking. These feeling you have won’t last forever. We are in this together, and we will all be cheering for you to get through this!

    Thought this song might help you. It has gotten me through times when I have had similar thoughts.

    Person Guy and Gladiatori like this.
  15. dannylomora

    dannylomora Fapstronaut

    Brother, at worst, please get to the nearest hospital emergency room and just say you need to talk to a doctor. You don't have to say it's suicidal, you can just say your having horrible thoughts. It is that simple. There is no shame, no reason to feel humiliated. That's what the hospital is there for. I worked in a psych emergency unit of a hospital; people of all types would come in to seek help for all range of thoughts, feelings, emotions. You're health and safety will be no different then somebody who comes in with chest pains. They are there to treat the person, not the condition. Believe me, an emergency room doctor has plenty of psych experience, it's required for them. He will evaluate you and get you the best help possible. Brother, you owe it to yourself. Take action against the addiction. If you read my previous posts, I will argue NO MAN in this forum, or the world, for that matter has fallen and lost so much because of porn addiction. But I'm still here, fighting every day. Again, take action with the addiction and what it does to you. If you feel that you are at a limit, nothing has helped; get to a hospital emergency room right away, talk to a doctor, be honest with him, he will get you help, and on a course to get you help. I guarantee you this. Please private message me if you need additional advice or have questions; and I don't mind speaking on the phone and will give you my number so you know I am sincere in what I say. I have experienced the horrors of porn addiction for both sides of the spectrum. TAKE POSITIVE ACTION AGAINST THE ADDICTION!
  16. IGY

    IGY Guest

    The thing is we do not know what provisions they have in Sweden. Something similar in the Accident & Emergency dept?
  17. ILoathePwife

    ILoathePwife Fapstronaut

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  18. IGY

    IGY Guest

    That's really helpful - thanks. :)
    ILoathePwife likes this.
  19. Themadfapper

    Themadfapper Fapstronaut

    I would say "fuck everyone else" you don't owe them anything! If people don't like you this is a sign that you are a good person, or at least pretty cool, lol. Don't let society or other people determine for you what failure is or how you should live your life. You don't have to be competitive if you don't want to, and you don't have to give a shit about what other people are doing.

    I don't know how music is "bad" as a cure for depression? I think music is quite positive.

    It should be obvious to you that porn and MO are harming you, and you know you got to quit this stuff. The guilt and shame from porn and MO are potentially really dangerous during times like what you are having. Get all that garbage out of your system and you will start to feel a lot better and see things from a better perspective. I recommend exercising

    Just remember life isn't about great highs, things that "feel good", getting off, etc. These things will make you miserable, it's the lie of the modern world and I think why so many are depressed chasing after these chimeras . Take control of yourself[ exercise self-control] live a life of moderation and you will feel better.
  20. dannylomora

    dannylomora Fapstronaut

    In most modern parts of the world, psych emergencies are just as important as physical health emergencies.

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