Thinking about not thinking about sex

Discussion in 'Abstinence, Retention, and Sexual Transmutation' started by Drew15, Jun 12, 2019.

  1. Drew15

    Drew15 Fapstronaut

    I’ve been struggling with a cycle of think where I have a sexual thought, try to stop thinking about it, and then as a result of trying to not think about it, the cycle only gets worse. It’s so frustrating. There are a million other things in the world, but when this happens I blank on what else I could possibly think about. It makes abstinence quite unpleasant. Can anyone relate to this? Any tips on stopping the cycle?
    Boanerges777 and Eleanor like this.
  2. Meditation seems to be the best counter to obsessive thought cycles like that, but it takes some time to become accustomed to defaulting to mindfulness rather than continuing to obsess. Do you have a practice? Buddhist mindfulness is the default entry point for most people, it's secular, it's highly effective, it takes a while but I think it will help you. It also helps one slowly become more accountable, ie, at the end of the day it is ones' mind and ones' mind only that causes relapse and obsessive thoughts. External things don't help but it really is ones' own internal conditioning that causes 99% of the difficulty in maintaining abstinence. Take care!
    FX-05 and Drew15 like this.
  3. parad0x

    parad0x Fapstronaut

    Acknowledge the thought, say to yourself "there it is" and see it like its just "something" and say to yourself "it will pass"

    In my experience fighting intrusive thoughts make them stronger. Recognize, acknowledge and dismiss
    SirErnest and Deleted Account like this.
  4. Amphibian

    Amphibian Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    jump in a cold shower.

    In time it actually gets easier, especially once you hit your flatline
    Targaryenn likes this.
  5. SirErnest

    SirErnest Fapstronaut

    This I have just begun to realise.
    FX-05 likes this.
  6. 100%

    Ya know I used to get intrusive thoughts about hurting my loved ones. Just like I would somehow lose control of my body and beat them to a pulp or stab them or something. It used to torture me day and night. Then one day I thought to myself “I’ll worry about these thoughts the day I actually wake up in a puddle of someone’s blood. Until then, these are just strange thoughts floating by.”

    It’s helped me tremendously.
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  7. SirErnest

    SirErnest Fapstronaut

    My latest trick is when the thought/fantasy/memory hits me, I say '(my name) doesn't do this', and I repeat and sometimes do something else. I read that using the third-person helps one disassociate.
    Only the second day of this full 'monk mode' but it has already made me realise just how much I live in a land of fantasy and memory.
  8. Amphibian

    Amphibian Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    Also, in terms of intrusive sexual thoughts; cutting out social media and other triggers will help immensely.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. Stitch 626

    Stitch 626 Fapstronaut

    If I tell you not to think about a white elephant, you probably will think about a white elephant. If I tell you to think about a pink giraffe, you probably won't think about the white elephant anymore.
    Focus on the things you can do to replace your habits and not on abstention itself.
    Drew15 and SirErnest like this.
  10. Drew15

    Drew15 Fapstronaut

    Thanks everyone for the feedback. I have some better tools/strategies to deal with this now.
  11. Meditation can be a tricksy hobbits... In the middle of a session just before I became consumed, utterly consumed by very realistic, unshakeable fantasies... Unsure how to proceed now, fuck!
  12. Chefb87

    Chefb87 Fapstronaut

    I know how powerful those thoughts are at the time. What I find helpful is playing games or thinking of things that take alot of concentration. What's your favorite sport team ? Mine is hockey. Go leafs go! So when I notice those sexual thoughts I go " OK NHL team that I'm not too familiar with it follow. I'm going to list every player I know is on that team. You really have to concentrate .
    Drew15 likes this.
  13. Berlin2019

    Berlin2019 Fapstronaut

    Hi @Drew15,
    I get you man it is frusterating but when you are aware of it and try to overcome it you are on the right path !

    think about it you recognise those situation ! my advice work on reconise those thoghts as fast as possible and then whenever they pop just do somthing else for example if possible cold shower will work it out or just do some activity doesn't matter what you choose if still it is getting even worse go for a run I think this is the best medicine !!!

    don't give up man. rebooting is a start of a beautyful life and i think the best way to live.

    good luck man
  14. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

    Try and stay busy. Create a schedule think about your schedule and sticking to it.
  15. Mrki

    Mrki New Fapstronaut

    Молитва помазе исто....
  16. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

    You are absolutely right that trying to push these thoughts away will only make them come back even stronger and beg for your attention more. That's why it rarely works in the first place.
    The best thing to do when this happens is to take a few deep breaths, accepting that these thoughts are there, thank your conscious mind for it and just come to terms with the thoughts being nothing but just thoughts flowing through you.
    In this way, these thoughts will crave your attention less and slowly fade away by themselves.

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