Thirty nine and starting from zero

Hey there, 39 years old and started my journey today, so 0 days into my reboot, right?

Wasn't sure how I was going to get help; because most of the resources out there are geared towards men, but thank God for a few articles NoFap had geared towards women (and the women's group here). So... Here I am jumping in to the deep end?

Porn hasn't really been much of an issue for me until recently. In short: motorcycle accident recovery, end of an engagement, and additional isolation due to covid tipped an occasional habit over the edge into full on self-destructive behavior. Porn instead of painkillers. Though, my vice is more written erotica than video or animation. But like anything sex related on the internet, you can find a lot of erotica if you aren't worried about quality.

Reading has always been an escape for me, but in the past two years I've had a harder and harder time functioning outside an erotic or romance novel. Things have just been slipping without my previous external structures, until now when I'm losing hours and days to the addiction. I recently moved and I haven't even begun to unpack. Food is barely a priority, and friends are getting worried because they aren't hearing back from me the way they used to.

I'm starting my reboot with a week and hoping to work my way up to the full 90 days. I know one of my biggest challenges is going to be figuring out what to do with myself so I don't slip due to open time stretching blank and empty ahead of me. Getting some regular movement and activity is going to be important to my recovery - both because of the accident and the addiction.

Anywho.. I'm scared as hell to lose something I've been able to enjoy in the past, but I can't keep living this way. I'm not even living anymore.

Thanks for reading. I wish you all the best on your journeys. Hopefully we can all get there a little easier together!

 

Thank you both for the welcome and the encouragement!

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to support you on your journey as well!

 

Thank you for the encouragement! It means a lot to me and it's really nice to hear from another woman!

I've been struggling a lot with the idea of confession. Intellectually I know it would be good for me to talk to someone about it and I know that I have people in my life who would be happy to be there for me... but I feel really ashamed and am having trouble reaching out about it.

How did you find your way?

I've started looking at new habits to both help me with recovery and help fill the time I would normally use reading erotica. So far I've taken three walks today. I've also been looking through a new cookbook I got for Christmas!

How are you doing?

 

Six years, so you really did a lot of working through it. I'm in awe. I just started and can't even imagine telling my stepmom. She's very sweet, but not very understanding sometimes. If I end up telling anyone in my family, it's most likely to be my brother. He's pretty supportive of me and knows I already struggle with depression.

Isolation definitely makes my urges worse as well. I've been trying to stay out of my room and avoiding using my phone in bed as much as possible. Sometimes I walk just outside the front gate of my apartment, just to get outside and away from the temptation. What kind of stuff do you do?

I'd love to stay in touch! Thank you so much for your encouragement