This could be a problem

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Daviesmark1, Mar 6, 2021.

  1. Daviesmark1

    Daviesmark1 Fapstronaut

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    Long story short... I have been attempting NoFap for 2/3 years now but have never really held down a long streak.

    I’m 22 and still virgin but have come close on two occasions to having sex. The first time I brought a girl back but stupidly forgot protection and the second time the moment went (with a different girl).

    Before the pandemic I would go out regularly at weekends and would often meet girls though that but the last year has obviously been very difficult for that and has led me back to pmo due a lack of opportunities to meet people.

    Out of nowhere, a girl I know now wants to meet up and I’m pretty sure I know what she’s looking for. My worry is that I will have performance issues due to masturbating more regularly in recent months and I’m now worried about what to do.

    I obviously don’t want to pass up on this but I’m worried about messing up.

    I have been masturbating on and off since I was 16 and have been averaging around 3 times a week lately. Not usually watching porn anymore. How likely am I to experience issues and how long do the side effects of pmo usually take to wear off once you stop pmo’ing. Thanks
     
  2. It all depends on your goals. If a release through sex is fine with you, I'd say don't worry about performance issues. Look at it that way: Even if you perform horribly and it all goes completely wrong and to shit, this whole lockdown thing could actually come in handy in that it will help you lay low instead of running into that girl and being embarrassed all the time for example. Just really think about it. You only lose your virginity once. Make it count. If she's just gonna use you for casual lockdown sex, realize what you're getting yourself into and that you might end up hurting yourself instead of doing yourself a favor. Sex is powerful stuff.
     
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  3. Daviesmark1

    Daviesmark1 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your response, much appreciated. My main worry is that the longer I go without having sex the more difficult things become. Say I’m 25 when I lose my virginity, it’s highly unlikely the other person will be at that age. At 22, it’s still possible you meet someone who also hasn’t- similar to this girl I’m referring to in my post. I overthink the situation before it happens and worry I won’t know what I’m doing. It’s all well and good using porn as a way of learning about things, but it’s nothing like reality. I understand your point about being sure as it may lead nowhere but I’m kind of at the point where it’s starting to get to me more and more that it still hasn’t happened for one reason or another.
     
  4. DuckofDeath

    DuckofDeath Fapstronaut

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    I agree with your logic here. I was 19 (just shy of 20) when I lost mine it felt incredibly late and I was feeling a ton of anxiety and shame over it. In retrospect a lot of that had to do as much with really bad acne as with my sexual inactivity. Now I can say there was no reason for me to feel ashamed over it. Society puts sex on a ridiculous pedestal and it's so stupid the way late bloomers get stigmatized.

    However, like you kind of alluded to, at a point that virginity really does become a problem. There's a big difference between a virgin at 22 (still nothing crazy) and a virgin at 25 (legitimately eye-brow raising), a virgin at 28 (worrisome), and a virgin at 30 plus (most women will take this as a red flag and bolt). Might as well get it out of the way now, right? Even though your performance won't be great, unless you are a sexual prodigy, it will raise your confidence and you will see that sex is not some huge, esoteric mystery and you'll be in a better frame of mind going forward.

    As far as the PMO thing, I wouldn't be too concerned over that. If you were playing with yourself twice a day everyday, that would be an issue, but I don't think 3 times a week is any big deal, especially if you aren't even really watch porn.

    Good luck. I hope you let's know how it turns out :)
     
  5. Daviesmark1

    Daviesmark1 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for getting in touch. Yeah, the problem I have with it is that I can’t quite put my finger on why it hasn’t- fairly average looking but possibly just too shy in general. As I mention in my original post, I literally have had two girls in my bed before and it still didn’t happen on either of those times which makes it even more frustrating. The second girl when it didn’t happen that mainly due to nerves.. as I was overthinking the situation and the girl could sense that. While fingering her during foreplay, she made a comment that it had hurt slightly and then the moment fizzled out shortly after that. First girl I literally forgot protection because it all happened so quickly and unexpectedly on a night out that I wasn’t thinking straight. It definitely would have happened with her too which is annoying. I know it’s not the be all and end all but the fact that I know hardly anyone in my position makes it more difficult. Everyone else I know lost theirs at like 17/18 and it starts to play on your mind more and more. Even if I just did it once I would stop worrying about it as there’s no longer they burden attached. When I was 18-19 it was actually something that I wasn’t really concerned about or thinking about too much but as soon as I turned 20 it has consumed a lot of my thoughts and became something of much more importance. I don’t think I was ready at 18 but definitely am now
     
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2021
  6. DuckofDeath

    DuckofDeath Fapstronaut

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    Dude, I'm 100% sure you are going to figure this out. I understand for you this probably seems daunting, and I don't blame you for getting wrapped up in this and letting it consume you a little. But as an outsider, who can look at this with a little neutrality, I'm very optimistic about your future. You seem down to earth and laid back. It seems that you are analyzing your situation in a way that is clear-headed and practical, and that's a huge step toward solving the problem. You aren't a bitter MGTOW / Incel, and you also aren't delusional either. You just seem like an average guy who has been derailed by some bad luck. And you admitted you weren't really trying until you turned 20; this isn't a scenario where you've been trying nonstop since you were 16 and you've been getting slapped with rejection after rejection the entire time. That would be a reason for concern. What you're describing is actually not really unusual - a lot of guys don't have luck when they first jump into the dating market.

    While you might view those two 'Failures' as a major frustration, I actually think its encouraging! Those two girls both wanted to jump your bones, so its obvious there are girls out there who find you attractive and charming. Also you have some experience with sexual intimacy. That's big. I've known several virgins who were virgins at 25 yrs old and beyond, and every single one of them had never even kissed a girl or held a girls hand. I've also seen plenty of posts by guys in that same position on this forum. You're in a totally different boat. Both of those girls were probably fantasizing about you before the encounter. To me, that seems like a reason to stand up tall and smile with some confidence, right? I really doubt there are only two girls in the whole world who would want to get you in bed, so try not to get caught up in a scarcity mindset over this.

    I don't blame you for finding it weird why it hasn't happened yet. Maybe your social circle is too small? A big friend network is very useful for meeting girls with less pressure than in online dating or cold approaches.

    In summary, try not to let it bother you too much. You'll get through it. I'm known several guys who have lost it in the 23 / 24 age range who have gone on to have gotten married / had successful lts. Don't think that your setbacks mean there's something wrong or unfixable about you.
     
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  7. Daviesmark1

    Daviesmark1 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man, I really appreciate that:). Very helpful points and I will take that I go account.
     
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