This ends today. (Long ass post)

Hi, I have been hovering on this forum for quite some time. I usually go here after a relapse, but find myself relapsing the next day. My longest streak is 30 days-ish but recently, I have been on a cycle of PMO. To be honest, I just relapsed shortly before writing this. This is so frustrating as I feel like by removing this from my life, where I can only achieve the success I have been longing. So finally, I have decided to create this account in hopes of strengthening myself in this fight, and hopefully get some advice from you wonderful people. I do not want this anymore. This ends today.

If you're still interested in reading more about me, you can continue. If not, that's fine. Anyway:

I have an LDR with my girlfriend who supports me in my journey, but I cannot admit my recent relapses. I struggle with ED but me and my girlfriend have decided to quit having sexual interactions due to our faith (I hope you guys respect this). I have been viewing porn before I was ten. Anything I could get my hands on. As the years went by, my addiction evolved; searching for different things periodically. Until I went to some dark shit.

My mind was so messed up and I knew it was wrong. Until early this year, I met the one who my life desperately needed. I fell in love with a girl and soon became my girlfriend (unfortunately, she had to move far because of her work). She brought me back to church and it feels good every time I'm there, with or without her.

However, we're not all perfect Christians. Once a month, where we would meet, we would find ourselves engaging in sexual activities. Not that I don't like this, it's pretty great tbh lol. Anyway, the real problem here is my ED. Not once in our encounters where I was able to get an erection. I had to jerk it off myself to get it stimulated, but it would not go all the way and would not last long enough. This is so frustrating. I know it's caused by my porn addiction. I'm so thankful that she understands. However, I don't want to tell her about my recent relapses because it might lead to a fight. I just want to change...

I was able to get 30 days once but lately, I have been falling in the same cycle over and over. Urge. Relapse. Regret. Repeat. I know my triggers. I know I'm making a conscious decision every time I click on those websites. But damn, I just cannot stop.

No more! This account would serve as my diary. To ensure people know, not just me, because I can just BS myself and slither back to addiction. I really hope this helps because I can't take it anymore. I have dreams in life that I feel is hindered by this addiction. This is day f*cking 1. Thank you for your time.

TL;DR I can't stop relapsing, I have ED and I am quitting today.

 

Hey man! Sure! Social media is a big trigger for me as well. Luckily, no relapses since this post. I hope you're doing great as well.

 

Dude, I just relapsed before seeing your reply. We really need help. I don't think I can do this alone. It seems that whenever I'm left alone even for 5 minutes, I get pulled back into relapsing. I can't seem to control it. Wanna partner up on this thing man?

 

Me too man. I can't stop edging. I didn't realize it was worse than I thought. I don't know what to do to prevent it.

 

Thanks for the reply man! Tho what do you mean having a girlfriend takes care 100% of my problem?

 

Hey man. Me too. Been relapsing nonstop. I could only go 1 day. I get triggered when I’m in front of my laptop, not when I’m on my phone though. I guess the solution is to only use my laptop when I really need to, then close it as soon as I’m done.

I hope you’re doing well too.

 

That's the thing with me too. My brain just ignores it as goes straight to porn as soon as I am alone with my laptop. For me, Instagram isn't that big of a deal since my feed doesn't include too much hot women. I suggest unfollowing those women and try to follow other kinds of accounts (art, gaming, films).

 

Congratulations on your 10 days man! I was about to relapse right before I remembered to check for a reply on this thread. I'm glad I saw your reply.

 

Exactly 30 days. You?