This Guy Has Me Very Conflicted--help?

An excellent trick... I see what you did there. You're smart I'll give you that. Let my post marinade for a minute bae. If you're ready for change I'm free to PM.

 

You have mail

 

OK

 

Witty too

 

How did your parents react ?

 

I'm guessing they were angry at first but secretly relieved. This is why I said her parents accidentally seeing her phone was no accident. The OP will get what I mean by this of course, not sure if anyone else will though.

 

@SnowWhite

http://www.dictionary.com/browse/misdirection

 

Not that it's terribly important, but curious what you think is going on tweeby.

(And at the risk that you will actually answer, I'm going to ask....)

You already said you thought she had manipulated this situation for attention (from both the male online, and from her parents). She has already admitted to wanting the attention from the Male, and not really from her parents on this.

But some of your comments seem to infer you mean something more. Are you implying she has homosexual tendencies, and she was attempting to manipulate the circumstances so that it didn't appear that way? Are you implying that she isn't actually a girl at all? Are you still just saying that all of this including this discussion was a cry for personal attention by creating an drama?

(Just curious)

Honestly, none of that matters. In order for NoFap and our discussions here to work, people have to be as honest as they can with themselves, and we have to attempt to offer the more positive input (because people are already thinking the absolute worse about themselves, so they don't need us to add to their doubts, or any thoughts of less worth).

Can people be misleading here? can they bring agendas based on insecurity? Can we be manipulated by mischevious people?

Absolutely, but our path to healing means accepting all of that, and still standing strong together, and giving words of confidence and comfort to those that feel broken, in doubt, and worthless.

 

Only control freaks do that.

No wonder you are addicted to PMO

Disrespect and shame, instead of trust. A classical constellation. I can only give you the advice to move out as soon as possible and start a new life. You will find people where you find true respect. But don't search for them in social media. You will find them only outside, in real world.

 

As a parent, I have say.... this is a tough one. I heard a quote from a movie (and it isn't the best one to draw material from, but I think it was a good line). Mothers don't spy, they pay attention. (Yes, I'm dad, but that was the quote).

Each child is different, and you want to encourage them to be a self sufficient person. But some require extraordinary methods to determine what they are going through, even if that means invading space to find it. In this case, they did Jae a tremendous favor. As a parent, you can't be worried about being a 'friend'. It means doing the hard choice, knowing that your child is going to hate you in the moment for it. Once they had cause to know something was wrong, they had responsibility to investigate how deep that issue went (even if it meant reading nearly everything on the phone).

I'm not saying I invade my kids phones, or search their rooms. But they have given me no cause to. My oldest, I had to give routine drug tests, and do a search of his room from time to time.

On the shaming side.... I get what you are saying. In the moment, not all parents can act enlightened. They are just as uncomfortable, sometimes lack any actual knowledge greater than their kids, and they are freaked for their baby. So they respond the only way they know how. ('Shame talk'). I've done it. I try now to focus on remembering what I went through, and what I know different now, and try to empower my sons, and friends I have as daughters. I want them to be able to feel free in making the choice, but to knowingly choose, and to be able to communicate with me when they do. (But honestly, I've never had any kid that was on the downward slope). Even my oldest just needed encouragement as he was a good kid, with respect, care, and responsibility. If I had the other kind, I think I would have to put on my asshole hat, and become the most hated person, to try to get them past that point. It just depends on the child. In short, building a person is hard work, and sometimes it means doing unpleasant things that will haunt you to get past the moment.

I don't personally believe in babying my girls though. I figure if I haven't drilled into them the power of critical thought by the time they are 13/14, then they are in world of hurt, and I can't hold that back from them. I personally would have worked with Jae at 17 to try to see her become stronger in being an adult outside the house, rather than clipping her wings. I accept sex as a healthy and somewhat inevitable thing (doubly so for girls), so I would focus on making sure they felt powerful in owning their sexuality and protecting themselves from harm. My understanding is that by a girl is 12 she starts receiving overt and subtle invites to sexual situations. So my mind is that I would try to make sure they felt strong by saying 'no!' by not being ashamed of saying 'yes' the right way. (But then again, depends on the girl. We aren't all the same, and I have met girls that were truly ditzy by birth. None of mine have been, so I have no idea how well 'empowerment' works. As brutal and inhuman as it sounds, there are those that you would have to remove from harm by making sure you moved, or at least doing a lock down nightly to ensure they were in their rooms, and alarms on the doors/windows if they tried to go out.)

I guess I'm saying I don't judge Jae's parents in this. I think they should be honored for doing what was needed at the moment, even if it might have been done differently. She was kept from harm at that early age, and that is what matters most.

Sounds like she has grown from it, and possesses clarity of thought, even if she was tempted even now. She still had preservation of mind to ask for help here, and to pause and not jump into the situation. All of which says even if she was strongly attracted to sex (perhaps even unhealthy choices of partners) she still has mechanisms for coping and making her choices.

 

@PostiveChange1974 So much text for 3 little sentences of mine. What's going on?

 

What I'm doing is trying to force someone's hand and that is never clever.

I apologise to @Jae.

 

Actually, I've been between jobs the past month. But thankfully I start a new job in a week. I've been lurking on the forums writing up a storm during that time. Writing made me feel productive, and honestly it helps me with the urges.

I also tend to over communicate in my writing. Unfortunately, since I don't know you people in real life, I try not to leave anything to assumption when I write. In short, I never know who my audience is going to be, so I try to be careful to be clear at the expense of using too many words.

 

overcommunication is typical for manic episodes of a bipolar person. maybe you tend into this direction?

 

Thug Life is a 13-year-old girl confirmed.

 

I came here exclusively to judge.