This is getting confusing... Sorry for long post, because I'm so stressed out

After stopped PMO addiction for 4 years... I just discovered and starting to doubt my sexuality... (You can check my recent posts) i mean it should be gone after 90 days but my PMO abused started since the time we watching on the DVD, at around 13, i was already play with my penis non-stop. Until i got a phone i started with straight porn... Then in my mind what if a girl with a dick, then i found trans porn, and then i gotten into gay, then hentai trap was the last porn also the ended of porn addiction, i just couldn't resist to it anymore, it's ruining life's...


So after 4 years of no PMO, i thought I'm recovering but in fact... I just starting to lose women attraction, and urge of compulsive started getting stronger, I don't get hard fantasizing about straight porn but when it comes to gay porn i got rock hard. But i do not find man attraction in real life at all, instead it just pure anxious plus denying and mix feelings...

Flashbacks when i was younger, i always in love with my women...never encountered romantic on same gender at all...

During that addiction periods i remembered after i discovered trans porn and gay, i kept fantasizing me and same gender classmate gay shit etc... To the point where i masturbated so hard my penis couldn't get hard anymore so, i switch to my anal, as i watching transwoman porn and fingering my ass, and jerking off soft dick, as time goes by i started to experienced guilty, shame, depressed and social anxiety all over the place.

That's the reasons, i cutting off this PMO addiction....

4 years past, I'm happy that I don't depend on PMO no more, i got something else to do... Life much better, socializing, got a job, during that times had couples girls I love... after got my heart broken so many time from unsuccessful love, i stopped myself that i need to focus on my self esteem, build myself financial first, so i will stop being insecure that was the plan!

But BUT!! it's all fucking lie or maybe denying my own sexuality? After broken heart my women attraction fading... Keep fantasizing about me in the dominate position fucking a feminine guy trap novelty from hentai trap... Only this will get my penis hard. Also idk why i lose women attraction sexual but instead i switch to on emotional intimacy level where i finally can look women in the eyes and talking like a human fucking being no more sexual thoughts on them. If the girl give me too much attention i will fantasize about me and her become couple snd marriage shit lol...

Also i never able to imagine myself with same gender, like married, kissing... No just never, it's just all porn in my head... Literally every gays encounter thought are pure pornography no genuine emotional, nothing pure fucking porn...

I keep having these gays thoughts also lose women attraction, it's just tired man I can't fight the thoughts no more, i feel like i must accept that i am gay? Or maybe I'm truly gay was due to PMO addiction covered it? I'm not sure at all...


I'm writing it down here because i was so stressed out I couldn't resist from these homosexual thoughts, it happened randoms, no announcement at all. Sometimes an urges but it comes and goes just what the fuck am i right now?

 

I never had sexual experiences but I have always been encountering romantic feelings for women, Since i was young. These homosexual thoughts occurred after i was in deep addiction