This is how you start loving thyself TODAY

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Erick Pastora, Jun 4, 2018.

  1. Erick Pastora

    Erick Pastora Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys, I know that almost everyone here has had struggles with life. We know the concept that fapping isn't bad in itself physically, but it's a symptom of something bad that's happening to you.

    OK, so let me start by saying you're not alone and I don't mean that you're OK beacuase I support you (which I do), but I mean you're not alone because you have yourself. When people tell you they're there for you it feels great, it feels like you're not alone anymore. But, that's an external stimulus which isn't bad to receive, but it's bad to depend on. Example: you see a hot girl and you want to talk to her, and your wingman tells you "you're great, go do it". In that moment you're going to feel empowered and you're going to go there and talk to her, great. But what if there's no wingman, what if it's just you against the world? The answer to what to do when you have no wingman is: be your own wingman. Tell yourself "dude you're great, I love you (obviously talking to yourself) you can do this" and then you go do it. Let me tell you there's no greater satisfaction than doing what you're scared as shit of.

    Now, second advise. Place yourself in the present. When we struggle in our lives is basically because we're either living in the past or in the future. Think about it this way, the past and the future don't exist. The past is already gone and the future will never happen, the only thing that you have to worry about is the now. Because placing yourself in the past is going to make you remember your past struggles or you could even be thinking of something great that happened in the past and you wish it would happen again. But the thing is, the past won't happen again and you can't control it. What you can control is the present. If you've seen the second Narnia movie maybe you remember when Aslan said nothing ever happens twice, which is so fucking true.
    The future is a whole other topic, I'm a big movie fan so the movie references are easier for me to explain. In the wolf of wall street Matthew McConaughey talked about the concept of fugazi which doesn't exist, it's imaginary. That's the future, it doesn't exist and it's only in your head. Whenever you struggle about something and you're picturing what could happen, stop. Place yourself in the present and see everything as an opportunity for you. Your view of a bright future is what could help you. So again with the girl you like example (I talk about this because it's one of my biggest struggles, but it applies to anything), you could imagine everything good or bad that could happen if you talk to her, but wake up: you still haven't done it, it's all imaginary. But if my goal of a bright future is to be great at talking to girls or game as we usually say, then is this an opportunity to do that? Fuck yes, so I'm gonna do it. Doesn't matter the outcome, if you fail it means you tried and you will still fucking try until you get it right.

    If you have trouble placing your mind in the present, take a few slow deep breaths and start asking yourself this questions: "where am I?", "what's around me?", "what am I doing in this very moment?" and think of the action you're doing in that very second. Try this everyday until it becomes a habit.

    The next thing I want to talk about is thinking you're not good enough. Whether is speaking in your class, talking to hot girls, quitting your job, or anything tough to do because people will judge you, the decision is always compromised by the thought that you're not good enough. You feel that you don't deserve to be better, that you only have to be thankful for what you have and be happy with it. That's mediocrity, that's conformism and that isn't going to get you anywhere. And why do we feel we're not good enough? Because we see other people being better? Because our parents scared us for life? Because we're worried about others' opinions? No, it's because we don't love ourselves. Sometimes when we want to do something we can feel a push by the thought of "if I don't do this, I'll never be happy, if I don't do this, I'm a worthless piece of shit". We're so afraid of what other people think about us that we scare ourselves by the thought of not being good enough. The trick is to give yourself more free passes. Example: you're in front of a girl that you think is the most beautiful girl you've ever seen, you remember all of this that I just told you about placing yourself in the moment, but still you panic and go away, you let fear beat you. In that moment you're going to think "my life sucks" "I'm worthless" "I can't do anything". Is in this moment that you need to: a. tell yourself it's ok to have failed and b. let out all of your bad feelings, don't try to repress them.

    Yoda himself said "the greatest teacher, failure is". Fail, as many times as you can, you know you won't like it and that's why you're going to try and avoid it. The problem with us humans is we live in competetition all the time, and it's because our ego tries to protect us. Imagine you're a buff dude and you are in a competetion of who lifts more weight. Let's say you lose, you can either protect yourself with your ego by saying "I'm still better looking" or "I have more money" or "The guy who beat me won't get anywhere in life and I will", or you can say "Ok, I lost, I'm still ok with myself, it hurts that I lost but I accept it. This is going to motivate me to keep going forward". At the end, life is not a competetion. When we die, we won't have a podium of who had a better life, who lived more, who was more loved, who was more missed by others or whatever else you think success is. Everyone is the protagonist of their own story, everybody lives their life in the way they want to.

    Following that train of thought, that's where you need to empower yourself. Most of the time we don't think we deserve what we have or what we want. We think other people will define you. Let me illustrate: you're sitting in a bench listening to music and people walk near you and stare at you, so you feel bad about yourself, you think of all the things that might be wrong with you that other people are seeing. That's where you lose power, because you're thinking your story is being defined by other people who judge you. And the worst part is you're only asuming you're being judged, maybe you're not being judged by others but by yourself. Change begins when you stop giving a rat's ass about what people think of you. Whenever you start feeling you're judged place yourself in the moment, and especially place yourself in your own eyes, what you're seeing, doing, etc.

    Last but not least, positive and negative thoughts and feelings. You know how people that smile all the freaking day are just unreal pretenders? It's because they're trying to give the impression of feeling great all the time, when the reality is you can't be. You can't hide all of your bad feelings, because they'll come out one day and hit you really really hard. This is one of my favourite concepts: Balance. Like I said earlier, there's a battle between the two voices in your head: one that tells you that if you don't act you're worthless and the other tells you it's ok if you didn't succeed. What you should do with those feelings is making them work together, because if you beat yourself down every day you'll feel worthless and if you put yourself up without doing anything to improve yourself you'll be mediocre.

    So how do you find the middle ground? Glad you asked. My formula for great life decisions is comfort + technique. Let's say you go to the gym, you're comfortable enough to go lift beside a bunch of dudes that look threatening and you're so comfortable that you do every exercise as you want to and make up your own exercises that don't even makes sense. You can still feel great, but you're getting nowhere. Ok now let's see the opposite side, you master the technique and achieve great results, but you're never comfortable with your aspect so you push yourself 110% working yourself every single day until your body stops working, you end up throwing up and maybe you get injured. But what if you master the technique and at the same time love the process of getting ripped? Sounds very good to me.

    Another example, you understand game and you're a PUA but you never feel comfortable with how many girls you hooked up so you don't see any point of doing it even though you're great at it. Flip the coin and you see someone who's so comfortable with himself he talks to a girl and shows off his dick and she freaks out, and he gets arrested. The concept here is pretty simple, being too positive will get you no results and being too negative will get you no satisfaction. Try to get the best of both worlds, you're in for the long run, not for just immediate results or satisfaction. You want both.

    Hope I helped you guys, peace out.
     
  2. A41:14A

    A41:14A Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the read bud. You've gotta put all this into action. Cheers hey :)
     
    Bhara, P-Free and Erick Pastora like this.
  3. My favorite piece of this advice. I learned this couple of days ago through a book and applying it is a process.
     
    Bhara, Quiet warrior and A41:14A like this.
  4. davem7

    davem7 Fapstronaut

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    thanks for nice advises
     
    A41:14A likes this.
  5. P-Free

    P-Free Fapstronaut

    Thank you, @BestVersionToday! This sums it up perfectly! And is a great reminder for me today. Thank you again and have an excellent day!
     
  6. Erick Pastora

    Erick Pastora Fapstronaut

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