This is insane

[LonelyStar]

I was reading all the stories and I was crying at almost all of them. I could feel the pain of every woman in here, the struggle, the suffering. My story is similar to all of your stories but what I want to say today is that this is insane. What we all are going through...The doubts we had on ourselves, when we have no fault. Our mind is fucked up, our self esteem is fucked up, our linving in quiet and peace is fucked up, our personality, our interior peace...everything. How we question our looks, our body... I was reading on how women try and try to catch their man, how they waste hours, days in finding ways on how to discover smth, how to prove their lies, how they live in continous distress, pain, doubts and lies and lies and lies...What kind of life is this? How can anybody live like this? This is not affordable. How can we live in peace if we have doubts 24/7? If we are lied? If we have panic attacks, anxiety, stress, food disorder, depression etc...I truly look at men and see a lot of selfishness. How can you look at someone you love and live in peace with them feeling like this? How? And I just want to say to all the girs here that you are amazing. We were never taught to love ourselves, never. We give a lot to our partners, we stick always there also if it means self distruction. And this is not ok. We should learn to love ourselves, respect ourselves cuz if we don't, our partner will not either. We did our best so its also ok to walk away if you gave everything. We have only one life and we cannot spend it on finding new ways to spy on partners and live in anxiety. Guys please see what you are doing to all of us. This is insane, really. I will tell my story soon, but just wanted to say this since i cried with all your stories.

 

[you_can_UK]

I was reading all the stories and I was crying at almost all of them. I could feel the pain of every woman in here, the struggle, the suffering. My story is similar to all of your stories but what I want to say today is that this is insane. What we all are going through...The doubts we had on ourselves, when we have no fault. Our mind is fucked up, our self esteem is fucked up, our linving in quiet and peace is fucked up, our personality, our interior peace...everything. How we question our looks, our body... I was reading on how women try and try to catch their man, how they waste hours, days in finding ways on how to discover smth, how to prove their lies, how they live in continous distress, pain, doubts and lies and lies and lies...What kind of life is this? How can anybody live like this? This is not affordable. How can we live in peace if we have doubts 24/7? If we are lied? If we have panic attacks, anxiety, stress, food disorder, depression etc...I truly look at men and see a lot of selfishness. How can you look at someone you love and live in peace with them feeling like this? How? And I just want to say to all the girs here that you are amazing. We were never taught to love ourselves, never. We give a lot to our partners, we stick always there also if it means self distruction. And this is not ok. We should learn to love ourselves, respect ourselves cuz if we don't, our partner will not either. We did our best so its also ok to walk away if you gave everything. We have only one life and we cannot spend it on finding new ways to spy on partners and live in anxiety. Guys please see what you are doing to all of us. This is insane, really. I will tell my story soon, but just wanted to say this since i cried with all your stories.

I am sorry .

 

[Morior Invictus]

I understand the pain you all must go through. Personally, im at peace and have a wonderful relationship with my SO.

The truth is however, you may live in peace no matter what situation you're in, for peace is a state of mind which is of your own domain, not a result of the outside world. To achieve this I agree with your post, it must come from love. Especially for ones self but also for everything and everyone around you.

I know a lot of these stories we see on here are truly heartbreaking, and in situations where it devolves to spying I always advocate for exiting that state of mind or exiting the relationship, the two things you can (hopefully) control in that situation. Don't stand for toxic people, men and women both, period.

There is also a lot of good in these forums, that I pray you can see. I wish you some peace. Pm me if needed.

Aut Invenium Viat Aut Facium

 

[she-dernatinus]

I was reading all the stories and I was crying at almost all of them. I could feel the pain of every woman in here, the struggle, the suffering. My story is similar to all of your stories but what I want to say today is that this is insane. What we all are going through...The doubts we had on ourselves, when we have no fault. Our mind is fucked up, our self esteem is fucked up, our linving in quiet and peace is fucked up, our personality, our interior peace...everything. How we question our looks, our body... I was reading on how women try and try to catch their man, how they waste hours, days in finding ways on how to discover smth, how to prove their lies, how they live in continous distress, pain, doubts and lies and lies and lies...What kind of life is this? How can anybody live like this? This is not affordable. How can we live in peace if we have doubts 24/7? If we are lied? If we have panic attacks, anxiety, stress, food disorder, depression etc...I truly look at men and see a lot of selfishness. How can you look at someone you love and live in peace with them feeling like this? How? And I just want to say to all the girs here that you are amazing. We were never taught to love ourselves, never. We give a lot to our partners, we stick always there also if it means self distruction. And this is not ok. We should learn to love ourselves, respect ourselves cuz if we don't, our partner will not either. We did our best so its also ok to walk away if you gave everything. We have only one life and we cannot spend it on finding new ways to spy on partners and live in anxiety. Guys please see what you are doing to all of us. This is insane, really. I will tell my story soon, but just wanted to say this since i cried with all your stories.

Exactly, we need to learn to be a little bit selfish as well. Especially, when it comes to our own sense of worth and wellbeing. I also see a lot of the same selfishness you speak about, and honestly, I'd rather be single than let such a disgusting man deprive me of one of my basic needs. The worst mistake women do in those situations is to confront men with their lies. Afterward, it always grants them an interminable tirade of gas-lighting, and denial. And yes, such a life is never worth it, no matter the outcome.

Also, I can't help but wonder if the men would have done the same in case the situation was reversed, fat chance actually.

 

[she-dernatinus]

Guys please see what you are doing to all of us. This is insane, really. I will tell my story soon, but just wanted to say this since I cried with all your stories.

oh, trust me they are aware of it all. It simply doesn't strike them as a priority. But, my friend, is it really that surprising?
Remember that these are the same men who consume hundreds upon hundreds of misogynistic sexual content, these are the same people who bestow upon the videos, spreading various forms of female degratory portrayal, with millions of views. These are the same men, who feel erotize sexual violence, humiliation, and sometimes even pedophilia.

So, is it really that surprising for them to purposefully downplay their female partner's betrayal? While we take all of the above into consideration ?

 

[Morior Invictus]

Exactly, we need to learn to be a little bit selfish as well. Especially, when it comes to our own sense of worth and wellbeing. I also see a lot of the same selfishness you speak about, and honestly, I'd rather be single than let such a disgusting man deprive me of one of my basic needs. The worst mistake women do in those situations is to confront men with their lies. Afterward, it always grants them an interminable tirade of gas-lighting, and denial. And yes, such a life is never worth it, no matter the outcome.

Also, I can't help but wonder if the men would have done the same in case the situation was reversed, fat chance actually.

About 200,000 Americans are classified as p addicts. With my broader definition that would he higher. 40 million regularly visit p sites with 1/3 being women. This is a site for such addicts trying to better themselves. I feel for your pain, I really do, but don't let this pain develop into a hatred for half of all people to live on Earth. Love should fill the void left my pain, not hatred. If 40 mil regularly watch, 290 million don't, and there are amazing people out there. I agree though, women need to love and respect themselves enough to notice bs like seen in the forums. All I can offer is advice, love, and prayers.

To answer your final conundrum, I would attempt to help my SO in any way I could, exhausting all options however, I would not stay in a toxic relationship.

Aut Invenium Viat Aut Facium

 

[she-dernatinus]

About 200,000 Americans are classified as p addicts.

Yes, most of P consumers are men. Men were never truly repulsed by the extreme dehumanization of the opposite sex, if that was the case the P industry would have never became so successful. It only creates its content according to the demand of its primary demographic targets, aka the male population.

If men as a majority abstained from consuming sexualized misogyny, and instead expressed their repulsion and disgust, the industry would find no choice but to at least alter its portrayal in order to stay in the market.

But they didn't, and everyone can guess why.

 

[she-dernatinus]

I was reading all the stories and I was crying at almost all of them. I could feel the pain of every woman in here, the struggle, the suffering. My story is similar to all of your stories but what I want to say today is that this is insane. What we all are going through...The doubts we had on ourselves, when we have no fault. Our mind is fucked up, our self esteem is fucked up, our linving in quiet and peace is fucked up, our personality, our interior peace...everything. How we question our looks, our body... I was reading on how women try and try to catch their man, how they waste hours, days in finding ways on how to discover smth, how to prove their lies, how they live in continous distress, pain, doubts and lies and lies and lies...What kind of life is this? How can anybody live like this? This is not affordable. How can we live in peace if we have doubts 24/7? If we are lied? If we have panic attacks, anxiety, stress, food disorder, depression etc...I truly look at men and see a lot of selfishness. How can you look at someone you love and live in peace with them feeling like this? How? And I just want to say to all the girs here that you are amazing. We were never taught to love ourselves, never. We give a lot to our partners, we stick always there also if it means self distruction. And this is not ok. We should learn to love ourselves, respect ourselves cuz if we don't, our partner will not either. We did our best so its also ok to walk away if you gave everything. We have only one life and we cannot spend it on finding new ways to spy on partners and live in anxiety. Guys please see what you are doing to all of us. This is insane, really. I will tell my story soon, but just wanted to say this since i cried with all your stories.

If you go to any P site, you'll see how vile and depraved the content is, and how it mostly translates sex as an act men do to women or something they take from women, emphasizing feelings of machismo, selfishness, and hatred towards women and girls.

Your SO, along with many, many other men, were already predisposed by how the culture views us as sexual objects, and properties, and sex is mostly promoted as a 'competition' in which they can only be winners and feel no shame afterward, unlike us. Later P came to reinforce those feelings and views about sex in the way they knew it will sell. Knowing that, it's not that hard to understand why so many P users don't feel compelled about considering their SO's feelings. So OP, you shouldn't cry over a man who merely considers women sexual objects.

Another fact, it's baffling how men always deny that P is mainly about misogyny and prefer to respond vaguely when they chose to criticize it: ''there's no love in it'' is the best response you can get from them. And most will demand a ''proper scientific study'' to prove that P is indeed misogynistic, as if 'small teen getting destroyed' and 'w*re getting what she deserves' and the likes do not ring any bell.

Personally, I'd expect nothing better than lies and denial knowing all the factors already mentioned.

 

[Morior Invictus]

If you go to any P site, you'll see how vile and depraved the content is, and how it mostly translates sex as an act men do to women or something they take from women, emphasizing feelings of machismo, selfishness, and hatred towards women and girls.

Your SO, along with many, many other men, were already predisposed by how the culture views us as sexual objects, and properties, and sex is mostly promoted as a 'competition' in which they can only be winners and feel no shame afterward, unlike us. Later P came to reinforce those feelings and views about sex in the way they knew it will sell. Knowing that, it's not that hard to understand why so many P users don't feel compelled about considering their SO's feelings. So OP, you shouldn't cry over a man who merely considers women sexual objects.

Another fact, it's baffling how men always deny that P is mainly about misogyny and prefer to respond vaguely when they chose to criticize it: ''there's no love in it'' is the best response you can get from them. And most will demand a ''proper scientific study'' to prove that P is indeed misogynistic, as if 'small teen getting destroyed' and 'w*re getting what she deserves' and the likes do not ring any bell.

Personally, I'd expect nothing better than lies and denial knowing all the factors already mentioned.

I suppose my responses meant nothing I would be hard pressed to personally say P is misogynistic. I think the problem is that some men crave the spiritualist energies of women (yin and yang) so much they must turn to vice to fill that hole. I believe it comes from a craving to want what they do not have, and a electronic system of manipulating our natural attraction. You're right when you say it is despicable and that it harms women yet also men. But I believe the dominant emotion is Jealousy and insecurity. Many believe a woman is what would make them whole, make them "truly" a man, yet it is the poison of comparison that blinds them to the fact that everything they need in life for unending joy is already within them.

I hope that makes sense. I pray you can find peace.

Aut Invenium Viat Aut Facium

Edit: I could see the actual creation of P being misogynistic is some circumstances, but my post is mostly referring to the attitudes of those consuming it.

 

[she-dernatinus]

I suppose my responses meant nothing I would be hard pressed to personally say P is misogynistic. I think the problem is that some men crave the spiritualist energies of women (yin and yang)

Oh, and does needing 'female spiritual energy' make men develop a need to sexually dominate and degrade women in the exact same blunt way P sells? Does this sound rational?

Well, it doesn't I guess, that's exactly the denial I have been referencing. and this is also what I told OP. It reflects the impression of vagueness most men try to convey when confronted with uncomfortable remarks.

Edit: I could see the actual creation of P being misogynistic is some circumstances, but my post is mostly referring to the attitudes of those consuming it.

You mean in the vast majority of the circumstances, saying 'some' is openly downplaying it.

 

[Morior Invictus]

Oh, and does needing 'female spiritual energy' make men develop a need to sexually dominate and degrade women in the exact same blunt way P sells? Does this sound rational?

Well, it doesn't I guess, that's exactly the denial I have been referencing. and this is also what I told OP. It reflects the impression of vagueness most men try to convey when confronted with uncomfortable remarks.


You mean in the vast majority of the circumstances, saying 'some' is openly downplaying it.

Hence the word vice, please refrain from taking what I say out of context. And no, I say some because the most profitable mainstream P involves actors that are willingly participating.

Listen, I understand you're very committed to black wave feminism, but hate and insidious questioning doesn't promote what you hope to happen, nor does it invite those who want a conversation that may be beneficial to all. Have a good day my friend, I hope you find peace but I will no longer be responding.

Aut Invenium Viat Aut Facium

 

[she-dernatinus]

Hence the word vice, please refrain from taking what I say out of context. And no, I say some because the most profitable mainstream P involves actors that are willingly participating.

Don't evade my claims as well. Why do you think it's reasonable to mention whether P actors play willingly or not? Do you believe that fact alone can change how insanely misogynistic it is? Or even minimize the incredibly high numbers of men with whom P resonates so much with? Hateful and degrading as it has always been.

I can agree with the word vice, but the vice didn't start with P. P only nourished what has already been sustained by society as a whole, mainly the sexual objectification of the female body in comparison to the male body, and the extreme shaming of female sexuality in contrast to the over-encouraging of its male counterpart.

 

[RUNDMC]

Don't evade my claims as well. Why do you think it's reasonable to mention whether P actors play willingly or not? Do you believe that fact alone can change how insanely misogynistic it is? Or even minimize the incredibly high numbers of men with whom P resonates so much with? Hateful and degrading as it has always been.

I can agree with the word vice, but the vice didn't start with P. P only nourished what has already been sustained by society as a whole, mainly the sexual objectification of the female body in comparison to the male body.

It's no use. They don't want to be responsible for anything.

 

[she-dernatinus]

It's no use. They don't want to be responsible for anything.

I know that quite well, it's even hilarious at some point how mental gymnastics becomes painful to those who rely upon them the most. They only care to hear/read what suits them, in other words never point out the obvious aspect of their sense of blatant superiority and ego. Because if you do, you're only a 'crazy femenists'. If it was left to them, the issues related to misogyny should never be brought up, because that's 'misandry'.

 

[Morior Invictus]

Don't evade my claims as well. Why do you think it's reasonable to mention whether P actors play willingly or not? Do you believe that fact alone can change how insanely misogynistic it is? Or even minimize the incredibly high numbers of men with whom P resonates so much with? Hateful and degrading as it has always been.

I can agree with the word vice, but the vice didn't start with P. P only nourished what has already been sustained by society as a whole, mainly the sexual objectification of the female body in comparison to the male body, and the extreme shaming of female sexuality in contrast to the over-encouraging of its male counterpart.

Listen I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Reiterate your "claims" that I have avoided that I haven't already addressed as long as you answer my questions so I may understand, for I don't believe you have made it clear at all.

Misogynistic: strongly prejudiced against women.

Prejudice: Preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience.

Doesn't this mean I've just experienced prejudice for yourself and others?

What is your goal with accusing all men with being awful? Isn't this misandry?

Can't we tackle problems of misogyny without being inflammatory or misandry? Ad hominum doesn't make sense here

Do you want me to apologize just for being male?

What have I done specifically that you also haven't done?

Are men incapable of good?

Are women incapable of harm?

Are there not societal expectations of men to look a certain way?

Can you see there will always be good and evil and its our responsibility to be the best we can be?

Are you living in the present moment or are you succumbing to an invisible societal pressure that makes this a problem?

Are you defined by your experiences, or does your perspective and knowledge of love and virtue guide you?

I'm not discrediting any of the pain many people have experienced in their brief existence. You can become enlightened and come into harmony with all that is. Or you can succumb to vice, including hate and hateful ideologies. There are problems that plague us all, both genders are more alike than different, and my goal is to spread that love that I have for every living and nonliving thing.

Our goal should be harmony, not gender fueled division. And if we look at it plainly the root cause leading to men and female specific problems are often the same, others may not even be problems based on mindset!

Aut Invenium Viat Aut Facium

It's no use. They don't want to be responsible for anything.

I must disagree, but I pray you can have a more positive experience with men that proves to you the contrary. I dare say responsibility is the mark of a man coming of age. That doesn't guarantee virtue. I hope everyone may find peace. We all deserve love.

 

[she-dernatinus]

I don't believe you have made it clear at all.

Yeah sure it should be clearer. How bad of me, I mustn't have answered with such direct words.

You might keep evading as much as you'd like to. Despite the fact that you are very much aware that pretty much everything I've pointed out about P and its undeniable connection with machistic culture is very much true. But it's good since I believe many women in OP's situation should be exposed to the denial mind game more often in order to develop psychological immunity.

That's exactly how it usually goes with the vast majority of men online, a part for a few decent ones of course. They mention matters completely unrelated to the points we bring, or try to turn the discussion towards some ridiculously grand philosophical themes.

However, I realized they do that because they can't bring themselves to answer directly my points, if we suppose ofc they won't directly and bluntly deny them from the beginning. More often than not, they use both tactics to hopefully evade and possibly even confuse the other party.

@RUNDMC it's just as we said, they bring up misandry as soon as we mention misogyny and the contribution men, as a collective entity, bring to it. So in order to avoid being 'misandrists', we need to only mention misogyny without pointing out those mostly contributing to its continuity across history.

 

[Morior Invictus]

I offered to answer, yet you declined. I see you're only interested with answering with a very limited view and out of spite/ not even addressing the rest of my responses. I've treated you with kindness and yet you spew hate. I hope you find enlightenment friend. But the world is a beautiful place full of wonderful people. Your attitude has not been conducive to any solution or conversation at all!

 

[RUNDMC]

I offered to answer, yet you declined. I see you're only interested with answering with a very limited view and out of spite/ not even addressing the rest of my responses. I've treated you with kindness and yet you spew hate. I hope you find enlightenment friend. But the world is a beautiful place full of wonderful people. Your attitude has not been conducive to any solution or conversation at all!

The mental gymnastics here is solid Mary Lou Retton level.

 

[she-dernatinus]

The mental gymnastics here is solid Mary Lou Retton level.

Indeed my sister. So far and unrelated to the core subject, all in order to avoid responding frankly.

 

[she-dernatinus]

The mental gymnastics here is solid Mary Lou Retton level.

This is why we should focus on our wellbeing, instead of trying to reason with them, as we'll only get into a cycle of denial and downplaying. There's more to life than wasting years trying to correct their issues.