This is me...

Hi,

I am a 44 years old guy, I have worked with computers and internet since more than 20 years ago, I get divorced two years ago, and I have two beautiful kids. This is my story, I hope I can make it understandable with my poor English.

I started to use computers in 80's, I was a very curious kid in sexual topics I think the reason is because I discovered some porn magazines from my parents. When world wide web started to spread the world in 90's, I started to see content never seen before by my eyes, obviously we are talking about low res pictures, and ultra short and ultra tiny videos, but they are enough for masturbate and blow my mind, even I started to search for some fetiches like pregnant, zoophilia, transwomen, blackwoman and others. In the getting started document of NoFap I saw the expression "porn induced fetishes" and I think that transwomen and black woman are those fetishes in my life.

I always have been a very shiny guy, then I hadn't so much friends, and therefore I hadn't a girlfriend until I was 25 o 26 years old. Then I stayed most of the time in home and I invested a lot of time searching for porn in internet... I finish my career, and I started to work and the situation doesn't seem to turn better, I consumed more and more porn and my PIED started to show its effects, I couldn't to maintain an erection with a girl, and I can enumerate my vaginal orgasms with my hand's fingers (yes, I have two kids, I don't know how I did) and I never had a night emission. Even I have sex a couple of times with my fetishes: transwomen and black woman, today I still get excited with that. In my work I used to see porn videos and images the whole of time and in my house I continued to masturbate and consume porn every night when my ex-wife was sleeping.

Two years ago I get divorced, I don't think my sexual behavior was the unique reason, but it has a big influence in muy relationship, after that happened I started to search for women and transwomen, and I could maintain an erection and had orgasms with masturbation while I was with them.

I started to view porn when I was home alone (a lot of time), in my work (I have a private office and a VPN to avoid corporate censorship) and even in my cellphone when I driving, waiting for the train or chating with somebody. I started to get difficulties to maintain an erection even for masturbation. With women I had to decline for situations with potential sex involved.

Since a couple of years ago I started to read about ED but really I am very confused about that. Last week we read about NoFap in a local magazine, then I started reading the literature in the forum, I think I have to start with 90 PMO challenge, but I have a lot of expectations about that, I don't know if that's a lot of time or a few time after years and years of porn, masturbation and failures with women.

I think I will continue with the reading and try to do a successful reboot of my mind.

Thanks for reading, I'm waiting for comments and tips.

 

Thank you, I'm going to read your journal.