This Is My Extended Addiction Story...

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by king_aaq11, Oct 1, 2023.

  1. king_aaq11

    king_aaq11 Fapstronaut

    (Disclaimer: I watched a NoFap video from Hamza who mentioned to share your porn addiction story to someone or on NoFap community to feel better and open up. That's why I am writing this long story it might not be perfect but I'll try my best to explain it in a better way.)

    I have been bottling up all the emotions, pain, anger and failures from porn addiction since a decade now. Now it's upto release all out.

    First of all, this crippling addiction started with curiosity as for many of us normally would, one day I found an adult movie scene on my cousin's phone when I was probably 10 years old, I used to watch it multiple times when my cousin is not around.

    Then, I used to search these inappropriate terms on my PSP (I know it's kind of funny, LOL) and watch hot women pics pretending to play games. That felt good and pleasurable which continued for many occasions.

    Here comes the first porn video, when no one was around the computer I accidentally got directed to porn video, which I didn't even like, I was disgusted and immediately closed that tab. But I was into ti*s and hot curves of women not particularly sex those days.

    When I was around 12 years I started hearing about porn sites, chitty chats from my friends frequently which increased my curiosity and interest for porn even more. Then, I used to borrow my fathers laptop saying I have school project and watch porn secretly in my room and clear all history as no traces were found.

    It happened over again and again, I watched porn whenever I got a chance. And sadly it continued for years, I knew it was wrong, after every relapse I seek forgiveness for the sin I made and after few days I did the same mistake following the rabbit hole.

    Years pass by the content I started to consume got more extreme and taboo now normal porn doesn't even arouse me, I also keep scrolling for that perfect taboo stuff. Now even after about an decade of consuming this highly stimulus still I am that person who is struggling to quit this addiction.

    The amount of opportunities I have missed, the rejections, failures, loss of value and respect, the depression and anxiety I developed, lack of confidence and self esteem, the relationships I lost... The list goes on for the consequences I have got due this filthy crap.

    Thinking back in time, I was not 100% responsible for this addiction, yes I started it with curiosity when I was a little boy and it multiplied over time turning into an huge tree which I cannot cut it down. But that's not the excuse I can give, I have to take responsibility now for the consequences and actions I am going to take forward.

    It hurts a lot thinking about the past and future of my life because I don't have any bad addictions in my life apart from porn and social media. It took away many things from me, I could have been a different individual without this addiction.

    Now at present I get so angry, depressed and frustrated whenever I relapse thinking I know all the bad things it bought me and I continue the same rabbit hole. However even though after so many struggles I always pick myself up and keep fighting hoping that one day I'll be free from this all and my life would change for the better.

    I know many people out their have your unique stories, the way you got hooked for this addiction, don't believe what the society is try to persuade you, porn is no good man. I found a lot of hope and confidence from Hamza Ahamed (on YouTube) watch his NoFap videos you will find it useful as well.

    Stay strong plas , cheers!
     
    Shrekar likes this.
  2. Shrekar

    Shrekar Fapstronaut

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    It hurts a lot thinking about the past and future of my life because I don't have any bad addictions in my life apart from porn and social media. It took away many things from me, I could have been a different individual without this addiction.

    The amount of opportunities I have missed, the rejections, failures, loss of value and respect, the depression and anxiety I developed, lack of confidence


    These lines hitting hard,Same with me. Now regretting for the losses.

    I want to do bigger things(you are the first one I'm sharing this) but I lost my concentration and mainly confidence.I want to be the older myself. Need your support brother. I want my confidence back.

    *Sorry I don't have good English, I'm unable to convey my emotions in a much better way.
     
    king_aaq11 likes this.
  3. king_aaq11

    king_aaq11 Fapstronaut

    I totally understand what your going through, we are in the same boat.
    If you're okay we can be accountability partners and help each other win this battle.
    Whenever you need to talk about anything, let me know I'll help you as possible as I can.
    Hope is a good thing pal, don't give up!
     
  4. Shrekar

    Shrekar Fapstronaut

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    Please don't ignore.
    Brother currently I am facing a lot of mental problems l want to get out of them and do want to recover losses by doing something big in academics but I'm unable to concentrate. Facing this problem since 3 years and I'm working on it from last one year.
    Bro please please please do help me - on how can I improve my concentration and confidence in public.

    I'm unable to meditate due to continuous distraction