This is rock bottom.

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by NF SINCE BIRTH, Aug 16, 2019.


    NF SINCE BIRTH Fapstronaut

    I have been trough a pretty rough time recently and abandoned Nofap. PMO helped relieve some stress in the beginning but as always the more I do it, the less pleasure I feel. After a while no woman in the world can turn me on.

    Today I think I hit rock bottom. After my last PMO session which lasted for 1 hour+ with blood and sweat I started thinking again. My life situation is pretty crappy. I am in a hospital getting treated for psychosis, and I was unfortunate enough to get multi resistent bacteria after a surgery two months ago. So I am in complete isolation pretty much.

    I didn't find much else to do than to PMO. Believe me though. PMO is making everything worse. Depression is worse. Right now it is hard to imagine having sex with a real woman. Not because I dont think I am pretty or handsome enough. My looks are more than ok and I rely a lot on my personality and intelligence.

    It is because real women wont turn me on. If I see a girl my anxiety levels go trough the roof. I cant do anything but recalling porn scenes everywhere. I have to look away so people dont see what I see. I do rather not talk to anyone right now than to go trough all that anxiety.

    PMO works a little like drugs. It gives instant relief but slowly makes you feel worse over time. It also blocks my recovery process with my schizoaffective disorder. I hallucinate less, I have less turbulent emotions. My depression is pretty constant. Everything is flat.

    If someone asks me, I dont know what I feel. My memory is crap. Cant even remember yesterday. In order to feel everything and work with my problems I have to quit PMO. It covers up my emotions and brain activity like a blanket. I would rather have violent panic attacks 4 times a day than to live in a limbo like this. I am quitting PMO.
  2. be Dane

    be Dane Fapstronaut

    Thank you for sharing and I beleive u made the right decision.
  3. NamaClature14

    NamaClature14 Fapstronaut

    Alright sounds like your ready this time. One day at a time now moving forward, no point in looking back any longer.
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  4. Chappie77

    Chappie77 Fapstronaut

    Sometimes when I'm in moments of deep despair it helps me to think that i've had these bad times before. and I got through them.
    and I don't mean I got through them and everythings wonderful and I'm cured and i made it.
    I mean I've had brighter days after them. I've had days where I felt good. Days were I could smile despite my situation. days were I enjoyed my hobbie or went for a walk in nature.
    I would like to think that maybe you too could have hope in this dark time for a better day to come
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.

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