this is sad to say..

I think its completly normal

 

What do you mean by saying that you're turned on by the idea of her being used by you?

If you're saying that you're only aroused by the notion of using her as some sex doll who's only there for your pleasure, then that's probably an unhealthy approach.

Working towards a mindset where sex is every bit as much (or more) about her pleasure is going to lead to healthier relationships.

 

I wish I could help, but I really don't have any experience in this area, so I can't offer any specific advice.

From a more generalized perspective, I would say that one of the more pernicious effects of PMO is the selfish attitude it instills in us. When we PMO, everything is about us. We're not at all concerned for the welfare of the people in the videos we watch. We're entirely focused on our own pleasure and maximizing the intensity of our orgasms.

Of course, there's going to be a tendency for heavy PMO users to carry that attitude into relationships and our sexual encounters within them. This is perhaps one reason why long-term PMO addicts have difficulty maintaining relationships.

All this is to say that I think it's important to carefully consider our attitudes when engaging in sexual encounters. I'm not saying that role-plays and master/slave relations are necessarily bad. If you've discussed what you're planning to engage in beforehand and you both consent to everything that's going to happen, I don't see that there's a problem. Where I think problems might arise is one person doing things that the other person isn't entirely comfortable with. Other problems could arise if one person gets the sense that the other doesn't appear to have his/her best interests at heart. In other words, if one person is engaging in behavior that is done solely for that person's pleasure with no regard for the effect that behavior will have on the other, it's probably unhealthy and will lead to problems within the relationship.

So I think it would be good to try to keep these questions in your mind throughout the act: Is what I'm doing going to draw us closer as a couple? Am I doing this to please her, or am I completely focused on my own desires? If you find you're engaging in behaviors solely for your own pleasure, I think it would be advisable to consider an approach which is more focused on her.

Again, I'm not some relationship expert or sex therapist, so a lot of what I have to say can, or possibly should be disregarded. But if I were in your situation, I would try to abstain from any sort of rough sex or any type of sex which would be considered outside of the norm for at least a period of ninety days. If you and your partner decide after that to resume engaging in it, I think that would be fine.

Anyhow, I hope this helps, and also that someone with more experience in this area will be able to offer some insight.