This is so hard

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Ukneedshelp, Jul 22, 2014.

  1. Ukneedshelp

    Ukneedshelp Fapstronaut

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    It's not the abstaining but the self loathing that i'm feeling at the moment. I didn't feel like this before I admitted I had a problem but I just hate myself. I feel so low about it I don't know what to do.
     
  2. BetterPerson

    BetterPerson Fapstronaut

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    I was like you, I always hated myself for anything I do bad and didn't know why,until I found that porn was the cause of what I was suffering all those years. That's why I decided to quit and get a move of my life, I want to love myself for good or bad, I want to be a totally different person, I want to be a better person.
    You can be a better person too so get in the boat :D
     
  3. LustFREE

    LustFREE Fapstronaut

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    Couldn't agree more than with what BetterPerson stated here. Get out of those dark areas of your mind- guilt, self loathing, even anger &/or depression-- it's largely from the porn. Remember- you're NOT useless! Remind yourself of all the positives you have in your life and what you DO have to offer. Don't let this define you or even who you WERE. Keep in mind it's also part of withdrawal and getting beyond this first phase. There IS a better life and you're on your way here so hang in there and stay strong bro!
     
  4. coolmike87

    coolmike87 Fapstronaut

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    Admitting is the first step to recovery. You sound like your on track. Don't worry it gets alot better form where you are at. Good luck brother.
     
  5. Ukneedshelp

    Ukneedshelp Fapstronaut

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    None of this helps the feeling that somehow my wife is going to find out what I've been living with for the past ten years, or I'm going to have it come and haunt me somehow. I haven't slept in days.
     
  6. Haydaddy

    Haydaddy New Fapstronaut

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    What is wrong with your wife finding out? I hope she will understand, but of ocurse I don't know your situation.
     
  7. coolmike87

    coolmike87 Fapstronaut

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    I would tell your wife. You have to come out with it that you have a problem. It will help with your chances of abstaining. Even if you don't fap, the guilt will get to you about your past and the secrets from your wife. She will be happy for you to open up I'm sure. Good luck brother.
     
  8. EverettSmith14

    EverettSmith14 Fapstronaut

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    UKneedhelp, read my journal. It may help. I've been where you must go. Its hard you decide
     
  9. EverettSmith14

    EverettSmith14 Fapstronaut

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    Read my journal. It may help. I've been where you must go. Its hard you decide
     
  10. Hotshot

    Hotshot Fapstronaut

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    My journal has a bit in there about my girlfriend and not telling her and the reasons why I am not going to. I do advocate you think about your reasoning for and for not telling your woman as well and make your own decision.

    I feel like personally the struggle is only as hard as I make it. I try to stay busy and avoid the old habits and routines I had during my PMO times. This has made it much, much easier on me. Good luck!
     
  11. Saserman

    Saserman Fapstronaut

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    I would recommend not loathing yourself. You're trying to stop. That has to account for something. If your wife finds out, tell her "this is in the past and I'm trying to move on".

    [video=youtube;EF39O_OQm6M]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EF39O_OQm6M[/video]
     
  12. Ozdave

    Ozdave Fapstronaut

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    I've been there plenty of times now. You think it would be easy, you just have to make a decision to stop, but you're fighting your subconscious & your brain chemistry, which makes it feel like a nightmare at times. I find that I get depressed and self-loath when I isolate myself. I start thinking about all the things I CANT do and CANT be because of PMO which just drags you down.

    If P is still a real struggle, lose the internet for a while. I had to do that for a while just to remove the temptation. If you speak to your wife about it, ask her to help you by hiding the router or changing the passwords. Unfortunately you're never fair from P these days ut trust me, this helps!

    And about the feelings of self loathing, try an get around other people as much as you can, if you isolate yourself you're only going to think about yourself and your problems. Get out with your friends and family and listen to their problems instead, it will distract you and help them.
     
  13. Ukneedshelp

    Ukneedshelp Fapstronaut

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    I totally sympathise with that. I'm trying to keep myself busy as possible but it's when I lay in bed at night and start thinking that it kills me.
     
  14. Ozdave

    Ozdave Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I try to get myself as tired as possible before I go to bed so that I hopefully go straight to sleep. But there are those nights where it's all you can think about and any single thought seems to be enough to turn you on.

    I guess i have to distract myself, think about something that will require some brain power, a problem at work, a project you need to do in the house. Another thing I do which might sound weird but it works is to imagine you are talking to someone and start describing a subject in detail to them. This could be something at work you do, the full plot of a film you've seen, anything that requires your memory and attention.

    It take your mind away from giving attention to the urge to MO and if you're lucky, you'll bore yourself straight to sleep
     
  15. Hiroki

    Hiroki Fapstronaut

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    Excuse my cursing, just skip reading this post if you are a sensitive person:

    Some of that self loathing could be physiological. So much fucking semen you wasted in PMO. Do you know frequent ejaculations will plunge you into a cheerless existence? And loathing yourself is just so easy to do when you have no energy.

    You think you didn't feel like shit while you were PMO'ing because you were so fucking deluded and trapped in a cycle of energy waste and mindless addiction. The demon told you felt fucking great.

    For me the self-loathing goes away in about one to two weeks after a relapse.

    Ukneedshelp, is there something about yourself, perhaps your job, relationships, artistic talents, passion for video games, love of something that when you do you really enjoy and makes you feel good about yourself? Start focusing on that, and the more energy you get from NoFap, put that energy into your passion, and you will start feeling better and better about yourself.

    But first you need to crawl your way out of the pit of shit you've been living in with PMO. Most of us have been there, we fucking hated ourselves. It goes away as long you are successful at NoFap. Even then, your path may be beset by many failures. That's where perseverance comes in.

    And tap into some positive shit on youtube, this guy is positive as fuck, but kind of new agey, still he's an actual psychologist and really brilliant, but not everyone likes this, so find something positive you like:

    [video=youtube;mAwmYOv4aRw]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAwmYOv4aRw&index=15&list=PLc6-qdSNfAOYwIOHIUT4yrSoZr2S8Z_CP[/video]
     
  16. LustFREE

    LustFREE Fapstronaut

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    I came across a good article that may help from LinkedIn titled "the secret to make you stop worrying". It offers a good starting point for you. (Link is below) The final paragraph summarizes: "If you want to stop worrying, the secret is to renounce the habit of mind that worry nurtures. Shift your allegiance to a life of non-worry. How is this done? We don't have room here to discuss the ins and outs of the spiritual path, which I feel is a practical path, one that takes you out of habitual, self-defeating mental patterns. If you candidly accept how useless fear and worry have been in your life, you've taken the first and most important step. You've discovered that you are your own jailer, which puts in your hand the key to unlock the door to your cell and choose freedom."

    http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/...ke-you-stop-worrying?trk=tod-posts-post1-ptlt

    Good luck and stay the course brother! It's a tough path- especially to start but you'll get there and life is much better! Peace-
     
  17. thejoyprovider

    thejoyprovider Fapstronaut

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    Dude accept your self with all your mistakes and problems you had. Accept the fact that you were into porn addiction and acceptance leads to love. Love your self with all your plus and minus and then you can trully free your self.

    First of all you are not alone. The internet created a gift and a beast at the same time. We did not know it can be such a thing. But now we know.

    Time to trully open our eyes and enjoy life to its finest. Love, sex, relationship, communication.
    Pure love everywhere ;)

    Accept. Free your self.
     
  18. Ukneedshelp

    Ukneedshelp Fapstronaut

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    Like I said I'm not feeling the urge to relapse. I don't lay there thinking about 'it' I just lay there thinking about how much I hate myself and how much damage I've caused myself. I don't know how to get my head straight.
     
  19. Hexos_1

    Hexos_1 Fapstronaut

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    I don't know how long you are in abstaining or what your goal is, but as you are in this forum it means you are fighting the devil itself. So stay strong.
    It seem that you are experiencing a well known withdrawal symptom, obviously a psychological one. It can be anything like depression, mood changes, severe anxiety or just irritability, strong guilt feeling, emptiness, ie. all in all dark feelings.
    In my own experience they faded away in lower and lower spikes.

    Maybe if you post more details you could get more specific advice/support from this wonderful community.
     
  20. Ukneedshelp

    Ukneedshelp Fapstronaut

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    When you say more details do you mean about how I feel now or my addiction?
     

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