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This is so hard

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Ukneedshelp, Jul 22, 2014.

  1. Hexos_1

    Hexos_1 Fapstronaut

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    I mean your history of quitting PMO, like how many times you tried before, how long have you been PMO free, whats your goal right now, whether if you relapse. Any reason why you don't have a counter or a journal? you could consider getting them as they help a lot in my opinion.
     
  2. Ukneedshelp

    Ukneedshelp Fapstronaut

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    I don't know how to get the counter?

    Ok we'll I'm 34 been married for nearly ten years. Since I was about twenty I've had P as a fall back. I never used to be confident enough to go out and meet people and didn't lose my virginity til I was about 20 because of lack and confidence.

    I started off looking at P as it was more a way to live out the fantasy of the person that I wasn't confident enough to be. It's got to a point where I use it not to get off but to fill time when I am on my own.

    If I don't spend time on my own at home during the week then I don't use it but when I do I do. It's just become engrained in my head and I have constantly told myself it's ok and it doesn't matter. I even used chat rooms as we'll to talk about P.

    Something's changed though and I've finally realised its a problem. All I want is my family. I love them all and want to sort myself out. I'm petrified through that there's will a way that my horrible secret will come out or that I've accidentally clicked on something too extreme and will get carted away somewhere.

    I haven't looked at anything for ten days and I'm determined it's for good this time. I just need to beat the horrible self loathing, depression, numbness and feelings of guild and dread.
     
  3. fapoholic23

    fapoholic23 Fapstronaut

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    Stay strong man, I wish you all the best!
     
  4. hans

    hans Fapstronaut

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    Coz it hard.

    Start it by little. And hopefully it will get bigger by the ahead of time.
     
  5. Hexos_1

    Hexos_1 Fapstronaut

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    Ok, thanks for sharing your story. Well its actually quite normal and I think the majority experience some kind of these symptoms at some point when abstaining from PMO.

    Donno if it would help, but try read some journals, mine also if you like. You will notice the horrible days of depression I went through. Its all over now.

    Don't be afraid of your mood changes. They are part of your withdrawal. Instead embrace them and accept the situation. Be patient, it takes time but they will fade a away. Stay strong and never give up. The most important thing is that you are here, like us, to get PMO out of your life.

    Keep it up and stay positive
     
  6. Ukneedshelp

    Ukneedshelp Fapstronaut

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    I will read them thanks. It's so difficult. I feel totally isolated and constantly on edge and panicking. At the moment I don't feel like there's anyway back from this. Not from the addiction but from the hatred and anxiety that comes with it. I genuinely feel like I'm going to spend every minute of the rest of my life on edge waiting for something bad to happen.
     
  7. Ukneedshelp

    Ukneedshelp Fapstronaut

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    I don't know how I can go on like this!
     
  8. EverettSmith14

    EverettSmith14 Fapstronaut

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    Hi UK,

    You can't go on like this! You will one day forget to purge a browser, or wipe a phone history, or somehow slip up. It will happen. And, if you are me , and like most of us, you will try to lie your way out of it. Your wife may even believe you because she wants your lie to be true. But you will know it's not. And the slippery journey into your addiction deepens and the people you love become less important that the addiction. That's why you must stop now. I fell to depths I would never have believed I could. I did things I will regret forever. I lost so much time with PMO . I hurt the people I loved the most . Stop now. You can do this. There is a 90 day reset waiting for you. 90 days that can save you years of misery land years of healing . I'm about 2 years out from my wife and family finding out. Hardest two years of my life.

    Quit this now. Expunge P, M, O from you life. It really is not normal and life without it is so much better.

    Some here can help. Some cannot as they cannot even help themselves. Learn from them all.
     
  9. Ukneedshelp

    Ukneedshelp Fapstronaut

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    My problem isn't relapsing though. I don't want to watch / do whatever. It's how I feel about myself and my paranoia.
     

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