This is the only way

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by sambo27, Sep 8, 2019.

  1. sambo27

    sambo27 Fapstronaut

    Hi there fellow nofapsters--

    First off, I just created this account as a form of accountability to myself that I am actually going to do this. I have heard about NoFap for some time, and periodically checked in over the past 2 years, but I have never really committed. On one hand, I knew my use of porn was killing my energy, mood, and overall excitement in life that I knew was a problem, but on the other hand, I didn't want to admit it to myself. I always downplayed it. But if I am being honest with myself, my view on life and overall mental state, especially throughout 2019, has been self-imposed misery. I don't want to trivialize true depression, but what I have experienced were the lowest lows that I never thought I would find myself in. I often have thoughts on suicide, not actually committing it, but reoccurring thoughts on the nature of it. There have been moments when I am having an "episode" where I say to myself I am going to do it, but it's usually something an exhaustive cry will take care of. However just today, I was reading something that triggered me and I decided that I was going to do it. I actually left the coffee shop and went home to create a will, write all my passwords to my accounts for my family, and paid off some of the debt I still have on my car. I didn't follow through with it, but it was a moment of realization that I really have a problem that I need help with, and I can't do it on my own.
    I know there are probably issues I need to deal with that are beyond not fapping, and I am going to set up a meeting with a therapist.

    I am making the commitment now, towards the later days of being 27, that I will not let PM allow me to slip into these depressive moods. Whether being 27 is relevant or not, it is forcing me to admit that what was probably supposed to be the most exciting, developing, growth decade of my life, is something that I honestly feel I wasted. I have not tried to meaningfully develop my career, make new friends, or date. I have a job that pays well and loving siblings and parents, which I know is a good hand to be dealt, but beyond that my life is pathetic. I have done so little with it, and it needs to change now.

    This reminds me of another period earlier in my life when I had to quit smoking weed in my early 20s. I started in my late teens so by the time I was in college, I pretty much became quiet and "not-myself" when I was high. The problem was that all my friends were just starting to use it so it was always around. The only way I overcame weed (and I know it is not addictive) was to treat it like a disease. I had to mentally tell myself that "although it may work for others, it is a disease when I do it." I had to mentally train myself to be disgusted with it, otherwise I would not have taken it seriously enough. Also I had to be okay with others doing it, cause it is not fair to impose your issues on them.

    I apologize for the lengthy and self-centric introductory post. But I want to make a promise to this community that I will not let PM get in the way of me building the life I want and I will do everything I can to motivate all of us to be better. For some reason, I feel stronger making the promise to you all than to myself, as I have been non-committal with many goals over the past few years, I almost don't believe myself anymore.

    I will set my initial goal for 90 days, so December 8th, I will abstain from PM.
    I will also schedule a meeting with a therapist this week.

    I look forward to supporting you all, and I will not stop until we all win.

  2. SaturnsSun

    SaturnsSun Fapstronaut

    Hello and welcome. You’re in the right place.

    You can get an Accountability Partner to check in with on a regular basis. You can always come to NF and post on any of the forums that you want to. There’s always someone around who’ll understand what you’re going through. You’re definitely not alone. This site wouldn’t exist if there weren’t many people like you. Many have succeeded in their goals even if it took a long time.

    I’d you feel like hurting yourself please come to the forums and post what you’re going through and how you’re feeling or call someone you can talk to or call 911 if you’re in the US so that you can get help.

    I’ve had to call 911 when I couldn’t get the thought of hurting myself out of my mind. The hospital put me on meds and helped me find a therapist who’s wonderful. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m feeling so much better now.

    There is hope. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel. There are people who care about you. Many people on NF can relate to what you’re going through and want to help. That’s why we’re all here: we want to get better and we want to help each other.

    You’ve come to the right place.
  3. rafael33

    rafael33 Fapstronaut

    The moments when I realized I can’t do it on my own were the most effective ones in my life. When I cried for help deep inside (other people call it to pray) help came instantly in a magic way.
    Your moment of realization indicates you are on the right way.

    Very good and serious commitment. The NO PM or NO PMO journey is not easy but worth the effort.
    The community will support you.

    I consider it as part of your learning process. You made the habit and you can break the habit. If you get rid of addiction no time was wasted, you are just growing.

    Self-esteem and self-respect will come back very soon. You are a wonderful person. There is a divine spark inside of you.

    Good luck with your therapist. Unfortunately there are not too many real good therapists. Some of my friends are active as psychotherapists. They told me they would have a problem to go to a therapist if they had to do it. I wish you to find a person you feel trustworthy.

    Forget about suicide. Suicide never is a solution. In younger age I was in the hell of depression and suicidal thoughts for long time. Since many years I feel a lot of gratitude and appreciation for being alive, was a moderator in a German suicide forum for 3 years. It’s wonderful to encourage and inspire people who need encouragement and hope. That’s my kind advice for your journey: if the urges are becoming really strong - go to the Nofap forums and encourage other fapstronauts. Works really good. :)
  4. Tiger uppercut!

    Tiger uppercut! Moderator Assistant
    Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    My Journal
    I’m sorry to hear you are struggling. Rebooting has its ups and downs, just like life. We see many people experiencing ups and downs during reboot, and though it may be hard to see now, these feelings won’t last forever. It will get better with time if you’re patient and wait.

    In the meantime please seek professional help. I know the idea of calling a helpline might terrify you, but in times of crisis we often need someone there to put our life into perspective. So please contact someone that can help and don’t hang up on them.
    The international association for suicide prevention maintains a list of suicide prevention hotlines for countries all over the world.
    If you don’t feel like talking to someone on the phone, they maintain a list of online instant messaging suicide prevention resources.

    You are not alone in this. There are ways to treat depression. Please contact people that can help you. Being depressed often makes you feel like you don’t have anymore options. But that is a lie. That is just the depression talking. These feelings you have won’t last forever. We are in this with you and will be cheering for you to get through this!
    White Sheep likes this.
  5. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    Heyyy welcome to the NoFap forum : ) It's nice to see you here fighting the good fight alongside us!

    Here is just some advice:

    First and foremost please take a look at each section in the forum, there might be something(s) you may find of big help to you. Feel free to post there :+)

    Then secondly I just strongly advise you to be active on your profile(as there quite a few active people in the profile section). Please start by choosing an avatar and then make daily status posts to show you're active and needing support/encouragement. They've also got a neat little feature that shows freshly posted statuses for all users to see. People will find your profile and give you encouragement/support.

    People (are beginning to) love communicating in the profilesection..(it should be and is )mostly spportive talk but it doesn't hurt to deviate from supportive talk. It would be great to have you join in and support others in the threads, profiles, and journal, we could always use your help and in return you shall receive some as well!

    Thirdly, You should also highly consider creating a public journal and write about your days in more depth for us members to follow along your journey and offer support to you by way of posting in your journal.

    Last but not least: Good luck on your journey here, make sure to really give it a try with all your heart!
    White Sheep likes this.
  6. IntegralSoul

    IntegralSoul Fapstronaut

    With wisdom like that, you are going to make it. You can motivate. Score 9/10 for giving me motivation just now! At this moment, a lot of us are standing in the light together, and your promise is hereby
    sambo27 likes this.
  7. sambo27

    sambo27 Fapstronaut

    Hold me to it, and I will hold you to it.
    GloryHound1 and IntegralSoul like this.
  8. IntegralSoul

    IntegralSoul Fapstronaut

    All right, you're on. I've also set a goal (in my status) of going for the 90 days, hard mode. Hold me to it. Our victory dates are within a couple of days of each other. When we reach 30 days we have the right to post in Success Stories. I wanna see your post there when you reach it, ok?
    sambo27 likes this.
  9. sambo27

    sambo27 Fapstronaut

    I will man.
    I'll see you there!
    IntegralSoul likes this.

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