This is what I have learned about transwoman porn.

Hallo

New here. Never talked about this before but I am at a point of my life where change is eminent. I have been looking on transwoman and straight porn for prob 20 years. The transwoman porn become more and more the only thing I watched. Lots of shame writing this I feel. But I am ready. The transwoman porn, I could never except it. Always felt dirty afterwards. Always had to take a shower. How could this be? I was feeling so horny but also discussed. Like a battlefield in my brain that either side could win. I have had lots of stress in my life and transwoman porn become a way to unwind. Temporary because afterwards the self loathing came.

Was I gay? No other signs. But still that question haunted me. In a way it would be easier to be gay because then I would be in to what I was in to and not be revolted.

So I decided a month ago to try to be as open as I could to myself trying to answer the question what was happening. Was transwomen nothing for me or should I start to seek them out for relationship? I know I hoped with all my heart that it wasn't the later option but I still tried to be as open to myself as I could.

My first realization was that I didnt see them as people. More like sex toys. There where toys you didnt have to invest emotionally in. Just sex, nothing more. Fuck them and leave them. I know logically that they are people so I needed to learn this emotionally as well.

So I started to watch different YouTube blogs from transsexual performers. Tried to listen to what they said. Fapping wasn't even an option. And I started to see that most of them where more like gay guys with tits and dresses. It was like the girl in Seinfeld that look hot sometimes and ugly other times. I could see how confusing this was. Sometimes they looked like hot taboo women and sometimes like gay guys that was acting like women. I dont hate gay guys but the thought of having sex with one is revolting. So they where sexy hot taboo and revolting at the same time. And maybe that is just how it should be? My dicks likes pretty faces and tits so how can I blame it for finding them hot when they had all the make up and acted the women part? I dont think the attraction is unnatural or wrong. I think it is normal to be confused about these things.

But I found those who seemed to be born in the wrong body. They still where like the girl in Seinfeld for me but they where sad and confused. Just like me. And then it click. I understand emotionally that they where not just sex toys They where people living lives. Having shit in their life just like me. One video really got to me because the woman (she wants to be one so why not call her that?) talked about shit in her life and we had lot of things in common. I felt for her. I am still confused. Sometimes I see them as a friend I want to help and sometimes like something I want to fuck. Really strange. But I am fine with that. Fine with that I have some attraction but it is not my main sexuality.

So now I think I am ready to stop this porn shit that confused me for so long. I am still confused but I know more and I think it is fine to not understand it all. Instead of deciding to stop after a transwoman porn wank a ton because the guilt is to much to bare, I tried the other way. I tried to learn what was truly going on and now I dont want to go back. Dont want to see people as sex toys. I want to find a woman. I hope that my impotence ( not always with a girl but a lot of time) comes from porn and insecurity. If you have some encouragement on that department, please feel free to write it. I need all I can get to finally take the step to get of of this shit. And by get of I mean not fapping to the computer ever again. Fantasy fapps or nothing. Hope I haven't fucked up myself sexually. Its been 20 years of this so I am worried.

We are all different but I hope my findings can help others in the same situation.

 

That is good to hear. I dont want to offend people but when I wrote this I didnt had that on my mind at all because the important thing for me was to let it out. Maybe if another person write about the same thing their self hatred can come out as hatred to transsexuals. This is an extremely shameful subject for most men so just take that with you if you read something bad. It can be just the self hatred. One thing I have learned is the almost all of the disgusting things people do they do to avoid pain. And that we know all to well about dont we? We all just want to avoid pain. That realization made me feel that we are all just one. Not you, Not me. One.

 

Hows it going?

 

So I think I am ready to stop this now. I have tried to be as open as I can about my attraction to transwoman porn. It raises a lot of questions that I feared before. Instead of investigating those questions I pushed them away. "I need to stop because otherwise Im gay." "I need to stop because otherwise I will end up in a relationship with a transwoman, and I cant never look another person in the eyes from my shame."

Statements like this was what motivated me to stop. And it never worked. It never worked. You cant hide from who you are. So now I think I have been as honest as I can about this. I have an attraction to transwomen. The taboo of it and in my fantasy they are like advanced sex toys. But I have no interest in being with a man who acts like a woman. I get disgusted by that thought. I can accept there is some attraction and Im fine with that. I think I can move on now.

 

I have the feeling that it would be really nice to just disappear into transwoman porn again. I believe that you shouldn't battle the feelings. They are there despite if you want them or not. Accept them and do what you need to do regardless. Dont fight a war you cannot win.