This Sub-forum is missing it’s point, and not helpful to new members, I think

Discussion in 'NoFap Technical Support and Feedback' started by evenprincehaveproblems, Sep 15, 2019.

  1. evenprincehaveproblems

    evenprincehaveproblems Fapstronaut

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    hi guys, as someone who saw more than one forum that helps people who struggle with P (porn) for a different language, I must say - yours isn’t helping new members.

    Me ? I don’t need this forum so much, I have achieved much in the battle against the P. I Am a veteran at this in my own country that don’t speaks English, my concern is for the new members that will come to seek aid to face P in your forum.

    And come they shall, oh my god they shall come, with huge numbers to seek help. This P monster don’t stop.

    What they will want, this new members ? Motivation - for sure, inspiration, important too. But first and foremost, they want some clean, good and hard advice how to avoid P.

    And this forum don’t do any job to help them with that.
    A new member that would seek advice will come, naturally, to success stories - where else he would hear what to do ?

    And what is he going to find here ? A gold mine, that will takes 567 years to dig....

    Here:
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/the-method-to-leave-pmo-forever.250077/
    Someone did 70 days of no P, his conclusion ? "Throw the thoughts away" , this guy talks about the power of the mind to play with the urge, it’s a whole new technic that he explain none about.. too bad.

    Another one: talk about meditation:
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/how-i-used-meditation-to-end-my-addiction.249567/

    This guy is a real gem - posted that he is clean for 30 days, he "feels good about himself" and that about it... why the hell someone will want to see this post ? What does it benefit a new member instead of just putting another useless-for-him post in an already 80 pages of posts ? 80 pages !
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/30-days-wow-it-feels-good-to-post-here.250002/

    Another one - talk about what it feels like to be clean in the day 34, another about being clean at day 67, and so on.

    Another talks about the reasons why he started to see P.

    Another talks some advice.

    Another talks about what to think without P.

    And a lot lot more people just posting "I did it ! I am clean 45666 days, it feels awesome " and... vanish , without advice, no solid knowledge how they stopped, unless you count the advice "just... do it dude ! It’s awsome" Really .....? Sigh

    That’s so foolish guys, there is so much information, or people with information, if you put all pieces of all stories here together, who knows what you will find ?


    But that requires work, a lot of work. so ,a new member, what is he going to find ? A million stories, all tell small something, and in the end ? He will learn nothing...

    There is no summing up articles, no tool-listing, to solid advices, just million and million and millions of words.

    You people think that by posting another post about "hey I did extra 30 days and it feels great" help someone in any way, I think you are wrong, I think you make this important sub-forum into a huge gigantic text wall, with too many stories and too many bad apples or just tasteless apples to get to the good stuff, the stuff that really helps people, in the most simple way - explaining to them what to do and how to do it. Instead they all see a lot of stories and feelings and personal achievements, and feel like a beggar who got into the kings feast - they don’t even know how to hold the fork to start eating themselves...

    I really hope someone do something about it guys. If not - well, this all forum will go down eventually. And definitely not because it lacks demand.
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2019
  2. evenprincehaveproblems

    evenprincehaveproblems Fapstronaut

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    I meant to post this in the sub forum "success stories" but it was moved because it’s not a success story..... kind of missing the point if they did so...
     
  3. cBettyford

    cBettyford Fapstronaut

    I joined end of May this year. First I was looking around, joining groups, reading, commenting, posting, liking. I was posting in threads and started private conversation. Some contacted me in pvt. I made all sorts of experiences. One of my first ones was I met someone with whom I could share my story, he shared his, we talked and listened. For quite some time. Honest and deep. We were also empowering each other, motivating each other but had no tricks to share. For me the talking to someone alone was worth so much.
    Others I met were nice but not so decided, struggling but not willing to change anything in their circumstances or couldn‘t. Others tried to go down the suggestive alley, talked in a way that was about recovery yet sexually charged, I followed. With two guys then I stopped. I call it recovery sexting; can become a substitute. Secretly having a party at a rehab center. Not helpful. One guy honestly admitted he only opened a profile to find guys here he could go on playing his game. And there are trolls here too. Don‘t believe just because it is a break-the-habit-of-porn-addiction site they have all good intentions.

    I talked to quite a few guys. About goals, steps, strategies, possibilities ...
    Some I could tell knew what they wanted, others not. Today, some 4 months later I am in closer contact with two, one who holds me accountable on a daily basis, another with whom we work on his recovery. We communicate on a daily basis, share and hold each other accountable. I defined my circles, bottomline, topline etc.
    Besides I follow groups and read what others say and if I can then offer my support or just my ear. I even came, by accident, to host a nofap countdown challenge :).

    My conclusion is:
    Joining Nofap alone wont „cure“ you, no one else in fact can free you from any of your addictions. What is essential is to be or get clear of what you want here. Take a firm decision. Look around. Look for people whom you feel you can trust, who are genuine. Get in 1on1 support, get an Accountability Partner. Ask.
    A clear decision to stop is essential. You alone can do that. Then define a Why you want to stop. To have more time available is ok but a weak reason. Define and work on steps you can actually do and last: DO THEM! Small steps, big steps. Define the direction you wanna go, where do you want to be in let‘s say 6 months from today? What is your goal? 3 day goal? One week? One month? One year? Any goal. But a clear one. One that you think can achieve. This is important for intrinsic motivation.
    If you relapse whine for 5 minutes then get back on track. Be open, honest to yourself and the ones who support you. Honesty is essential. We all know shame.
    Reading success stories ... not sure, can be helpful. More important than anything else is you need to work your own way to success. And be ready cause it is not going to feel comfortable at all.

    Added later: You know all that, just read your advices.
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2019
    kropo82 likes this.
  4. evenprincehaveproblems

    evenprincehaveproblems Fapstronaut

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    What..... your comment is so missing the point lol.

    "When I first came here bla bla bla"
    "Than I found bla bla bla"
    "My conclusion - decide your steps ! Be honest ! Be open ! Be bla bla bla !"

    I am not trying to mock you here, I am trying to prove a point - if I wasn’t a veteran in fighting P (porn), than your words are so bloody useless. "Be honest ! Be good ! Right the wrong ! Kill the dragon ! Buy cheap and sell high ! Love your family and do your laundry !"

    What’s my point ? My point is that you should read again what I wrote earlier and try to understand my point. And my point is - there is no shortage of motivation\inspiration talk in this forum, your comment is a living example to that.

    There is a huge shortage of useful advices, like "if you flick with your finger 3 times over the head you won’t feel aroused for 3 hours" - I just made this up, but you understand my point, that’s a useful advice, it’s an actual thing I can use.

    Now imagine a new guy who looks for advices like this, and don’t want to spend his time running around after people or having a "long chats" and "close bond friendships" to get help. (I need to befriend someone in order to get a life saving advice ? It’s immoral - "be my friend or go the high way and never know how to avoid P"), he needs it now, what is he going to do ? The answer is go to success stories subforum: 80 pages*40 posts per page = 3200 (!) posts and try to find all the gold advices hidden beneath mountains of useless words. And if you don’t understand how absurd and cruel that is to a new member, I don’t know what to say to you. Really.
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2019
  5. cBettyford

    cBettyford Fapstronaut

    Mocking or not. You just show me who You are ;)
     
    Castielle and kropo82 like this.
  6. Max Fisher

    Max Fisher Fapstronaut

    @evenprincehaveproblems sounds like you have a functioning keyboard and access to the success stories tab. Why dont you get started helping the newcomers with your advice?

    You could also write a helpful, science based, well researched ebook and give it away for free...
     
  7. Augie

    Augie Fapstronaut

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    Ask not what your community can do for you, ask what you can do for your community.

    If you want useful information then start threads, bump old threads you feel are useful, mine the site for useful info and then create a big thread with it, and welcome new members and then provide them with a link to your giant thread of useful info.

    I feel that seems more productive than complaining, right?
     
  8. evenprincehaveproblems

    evenprincehaveproblems Fapstronaut

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    As I was saying, I am already active in my own anti-open forum in my own language, help people (and get help) there. I am here merely to point my concern about your forum, than I hope someone will wake up and take it from here. You can call me a tourist, a tourist don’t fix the problems.

    All I am saying is that all useful success stories in the sub forum should be started to be pinned. That’s a start at last.
    After that there should be a manager-posing-only sub-forum to upload all useful kits and tools for nofab community, guess what ? I can’t do it, only nofab manager can.

    As I see it, getting people to wake up to see the problem is quite hard in this community, which is surprising.

    You could just said "than you are welcome to leave back to the forum you came from", go on, say it...

    I don’t understand, this things didn’t concern you before I talked about them ?
     
  9. MuscularSherlockHolmes

    MuscularSherlockHolmes Fapstronaut

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    That's your experience... Why are you trying so hard to force everyone to agree with it?
     
    Castielle and kropo82 like this.
  10. evenprincehaveproblems

    evenprincehaveproblems Fapstronaut

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    Normally you are right, but the truth is that this is not about the community, which is active and good, it’s about the website managers who don’t do the small easy steps to ensure all this community good insight don’t get lost or wasted.
    To take care of 3200 posts is not something to ask from a single person, that’s beyond me, but not beyond website manager.
    To do all suggestion I had in previews comment - I can’t do that...
     
  11. evenprincehaveproblems

    evenprincehaveproblems Fapstronaut

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    Dude - tell me what I am wrong I will be happy to acknowledge that and step off the stage.

    I am in no interest to get on your nerves just because.


    And because I remember what it was like entering in the first time
     
  12. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    I read your post I don’t know which language is your original — by in English it is confusing.

    Posts that are confusing don’t help.

    You are saying that non-English speakers can not find the “success stories”- section correct ?

    What if they aren’t here for “success stories ?”

    What if they want to feel accepted ?

    What if they don’t believe they can quit ?

    What if they are afraid to try?

    What if they just want someone to relate with them so that they can talk?

    What if they just have a question they want advice or need encouragement?

    If I understood your rant — you assumed people ONLY come to NoFap to quit porn. But many people have multiple reasons including the basic premise.
     
  13. evenprincehaveproblems

    evenprincehaveproblems Fapstronaut

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    A lot of maybes, we are talking about a website that his name is nofab, ok ? No alllove or feel-good or no-quit-guys...
     
  14. cBettyford

    cBettyford Fapstronaut

    That‘s why on Google site you google. You do not search for stuff.
     
  15. Anne-Dauphine

    Anne-Dauphine Moderator Assistant

    Actually it's NoFap.
     
    recon117 and White Sheep like this.
  16. evenprincehaveproblems

    evenprincehaveproblems Fapstronaut

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    ....
     
  17. cBettyford

    cBettyford Fapstronaut

    I know I know, I heard you, you want us all to go back and live with our parents, take bedroom doors out and cut the old people off the internet too just because we have a problem with PMO. And if our parents should be dead take any old couple and live with them, take bedroom doors out and cut them off the internet at home just because ... you know ;)
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2019
  18. evenprincehaveproblems

    evenprincehaveproblems Fapstronaut

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    Guys to be clear, I am merely trying to understand something that is going on here, no get under your skin or get on your nerve, why should I do that ? I just came here, don’t really know anyone.

    You can try to just give me comments like you did all day, and make me leave, I will leave anyway because i have already a forum of my own, don’t think about me, I am a nobody, ok ? Think about the new members, please, I beg you, the Problem I addressed is here, even if I am not the great diplomat about talking about it and presenting it, just... think about it ok ? You can keep picture me stupid and a fool all day - that’s ok. If that makes you feeel good - go on. But think about what I said and just try to give it a more thought.
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2019
  19. Anne-Dauphine

    Anne-Dauphine Moderator Assistant

    Ok it's not open, but what's the name of your forum?
     
  20. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    Please forgive me, I’m not at all trying to tease you at all.

    I’m genuinely telling you that your posts are confusing.

    Your sentences are hard to understand because your idea is not clear or well communicated.

    People who don’t communicate their ideas well should not expect to be understood. Mind-reading is neither an art or a science.
     

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