This time it will work !

Watch out ! Long ass text, in possibly bad English awaits you !


Hey !


I'm a 17 y/o male from Germany. I Have been a really happy boy with a good sense of humor and was always optimistic and positive. But that changed: I have been doing pmo since I was 13, so i kinda grew up with it. First I watched more 'soft' stuff, like girls stripping or masturbating and lesbians making it out. I didn't like girl/guy scenes cause I didn't like the feeling of watching a guy bangin' the pixel girl I did adore. Instead I prefered two pixel girls doing it to each other. Also I can tell you that I felt guilty watching this stuff and masturbating to it. When I started pmo, I always asked myself what the real girls I liked would think about me, if they knew that I'm masturbating to porn. I also felt kinda guilty. But in the first weeks the feeling of guilt and what the real girls would think about me faded away.

But come on, how should a 13 y/o old boy think otherwise about pmo ? Some other boys also did it. Where ever you're going to read or hear something about masturabation, the so-called doctors and shit will tell you that masturabation isn't bad, and everyone who thinks that it's bad, has to be an old-fashioned fanatic bishop or something. It's something the modern man shouldn't miss. They even say that it's 'healthy'. But the fucking thing was that masturbation is, in my opinion to which I came through my personal experience, not healthy. With or without porn. And that nobody mentioned the effects of fucking porn consumption while talking/writing about masturbation, especially when you combine it with masturbation. You have to google this separately. What I didn't.


So I went on with doing my 'healthy' masturbation routine nearly everyday and mostly watched porn while doing so, not knowing that it would destroy myself with everytime I would do so. Sometimes, I could even cum twice in one session. No problem, I was really potent in the beginning. I also masturbated multiple times a day and felt good, cause it was a bunch of fun, really easy to have. As time passed by, I hardly managed to watch girl/guy scenes, cause I thought that it would be ill that I meant that it is crazy to watch a dude bangin the chick you visually feel attracted to.(Today I know that I was right there). Because, come on, that's the natural way not that lesbo-stuff. But this just lured me into darker stuff.......
Over the time I couldn't masturbate that often at once anymore. But it was still fun. I wonder why I didn't recognized there that everything is taking a wrong direction. Then I couldn't masturbate more often then once or twice maybe three times a day, because shit got boring and my dick hurt when I masturbated to often. Still I didn't recognize that my body was overstimulated. Then when the years passed by, shit got harder: Anal sex replaced vaginal sex, I watched BDSM, and even strapon scenes(not lesbians: girl on boy). Come on i mean fucking strapon scenes. Really ?? Did it have to go that far? I really began to question myself if I'm gay or bisexual or something. But no, I'm straight but my brain needed a new kick because the 'softcore' porn got boring. I also have never been interested in anal, or in tying a girl down and fucking the shit out of her like she was a cheap sex doll. But my brain just NEEDED that. It told me that I NEED that dopamine kick. Believe me: I wasn't the happy optimistic boy anymore. I was the depressed, passive shadow of him.


Then i stambled upon nofap, and really got interested in it and started no pmo last autumn, especially because of my disturbing development, 'bonus testosterone' and the guys meaning that they get more attention from chicks. Later I found out that it's shit to do this just for chicks hahaha but yeah. I had many relapses in the beginning, but then in March, I started a (in my opinion) pretty good streak, which lasted 34 days and ended in April. This streak had been my longest so far.

In the end of that streak I felt so fresh, strong and manly, and also I could swear that my voice was deeper. I was just creative and very hard-working. Also guys seemed to have more respect of me, I became a more funny guy again and girls began to look at me more. Some of them even stare at me.This really NEVER happened before, because I have been dealing with them girls on a daily basis for a few years now. Because of this I saw my fapping past in a different light: I've been lazy, uncreative, unconcentraed and I didn't had those good vibes and also felt sometimes unworthy or unspecial.


But then I relapsed on arousing pics of a model. I felt like shit after that. I went on with no pmo but kept relapsing after a few days till now. But happily I can say that every relapse since autumn made me a better me, they weren't senseless.

I went from seeing sex as something for self pleasure in the beginning of no pmo, to seeing it as something that should be shared between two persons who love each other and want to connect.

I got more social.

I'm not the heavy 'pussychaser' I have been in the past anymore. (but still have some issues here)

I got more self respect.

I can now finally identify porn as the crazy voyeurism shit that it is. I mean: Would you sneak in the house of your neighbours and watch them having sex and fap to it? Of course not, but I think it's kinda the same.


I want to encourage all you nofap beginners out there, that this shit will help you, even if you keep relapsing. I believe heavily that anyone can break free from the chains of porn and masturbation, and that we all will be one day on our never ending streak ….


Last Saturday was the last time I relapsed. I'm on day two now. No bullshit anymore. This time I will fight really hard, even when the darkest hour, the flatline, will arise. I will fight, and I will win. This is my inner 'crusade' and I'm gonna own this shit. I will rise again, and I will shine again.


I owe this to the pure boy of the past, that I killed with this shit …..


I have to bring him back to life, in a new stronger and more manly form ;D

 

Hello fapstronauta !

I think you're right about what you've said and thankful for your tip and your supportive words

I have now a different view of pmo : I don't want to fight it anymore. If I try to fight pmo, I have to think about it everytime and I will get fatigue of fighting my urges and will relapse. I think, you shouldn't even think about it: Just forget fapping. Simply forget it. Just cut it out of your life, and concentrate on life. If you concentrate on life, you put your energy in this more useful ambition. You have no time to think about fapping anymore, because there are so many things that need to be done. And don't worry that I pressure myself to hard! I'm just really sick of pmo, I really don't want it anymore, because it really hasn't done anything for me.

I also wish you the best luck, I pray for you and hope that you will overcome this addiction!