Thoughts about never watching porn again

What scares me is how deep porn had me in its grasp, I won't miss it a damn bit because i miss being health way more.

 

Iam not scared of never watching porn - if I manage to get better life. My main drive for joining NoFap is loneliness and lack of confidence with grills. Sometimes Im afraid that I will reach long streak but nothing will change in my life, so I will go back to PMO.

 

I want to be completely rid of porn forever. If I’m 100% objective and honest porn has done me absolutely no fucking good at all - 0, nada, nothing, zip, zilch ... porn has done abso-fucking-luty NOTHING good for me ever!!! - Just warped my perspective on sex, messed up relationships, created embarrassment and brought depression, anxiety and severe addiction for decades to me and made a bad marriage worse, etc , etc, etc.

I want to be rid of this TOXIC SOUL POISON forever!!

FUCK PORN!! - sorry was that out loud?

 

In my case, it's one of the things I keep telling myself when some urges come. I realise: "Damn, I will never look at this/that again, so stop thinking about it at once!" I add: "You idiot!" sometimes.

It works.

 

It scares me I'm not going to lie. But what scares me more than not looking at porn is growing older and becoming a nasty ass loser who still creeps on porn in my 40s & 50s. Or someone who has a failed loveless marriage because of it.
It's one of those temporary self destructive blisses that seem so nice and relieving until I'm done. Then i close that browser with that empty feeling and disgust at what I just saw. Feeling like I betrayed myself and my gf. Yeah that feeling is worse.
The feeling that this shit has been influencing me my entire adult life, like a leech just eating countless hours of my life.

So yeah it does scare me because let's be real, orgasm to porn feels good and those girls are hot.

But all that other stuff scares me way more & is way more important to me.