Thoughts and Concerns on PMO "hard mode"

[Finn The Human]

Hi Folks,

is it healthy to have no ejaculations for a prolonged period of time?

If I allow myself orgasms but no masturbations, do I make it mentally harder or easier?

Since I am not in a relationshop, orgasms but no masturbation also implies I "would need to get out there and try to get laid".... which sounds good but also dissipates my energy instead of focussing it on Yoga, meditation, reading, cooking for myself, meeting friends, doing work.
Any experience here?

Glad for you help / ideas / thoughts!

 

[NF SINCE BIRTH]

Hi Folks,

is it healthy to have no ejaculations for a prolonged period of time?

If I allow myself orgasms but no masturbations, do I make it mentally harder or easier?

Since I am not in a relationshop, orgasms but no masturbation also implies I "would need to get out there and try to get laid".... which sounds good but also dissipates my energy instead of focussing it on Yoga, meditation, reading, cooking for myself, meeting friends, doing work.
Any experience here?

Glad for you help / ideas / thoughts!

You wont suffer any adverse effects by abstaining for a while, on the contrary. "Hard mode" is the real easy mode. It isnt easy by any stretch of the imagination but easi-er. During the reboot you likely have to distract yourself. Make nofap your number 1 priority and everything else secondary. It will be worth it. You dont neccessarily need to date during reboot. If you are single, you wont die from not getting off. It will certainly feel that way at times but thats your addiction speaking.

Personally I am going out there and meeting people. Here is my standard plan for any given day: Wake up, brew myself some coffee, munch some painkillers and wait for them to work, work on my business for at least 2 minutes (getting started is the worst part), spanish lessons, hit the gym, read in the gym lobby, head to the mall and cold approach (goal of interacting with 5 women a week), cold shower, meditate. If I feel a ton of urges and dont know what to do with myself, I usually find ways to distract myself. Go for a walk, cold shower or socialize is my go to activities. I am still rebooting and building my new life so my routines are frequently up for review.

 

[Finn The Human]

Hello,

My 2 cents here, take it with a pinch of salt.
I have been doing hard mode (monk mode) for over 400 days -- as in real hard mode, not the forgiving-myself-because-after-all-she-is-a-real-woman-and-keeping-my-counter-still kind of point of view.
I have not seen any health detriments from no ejaculations during this period.
I might have seen health benefits from the above mentioned but I have been doing other things also to improve my health, so cannot vindicate on this one.
I would also dissipate my energy if had to hit on girls which seems to be the mantra around here, that it is a mandatory thing to do. My view is that it is not necessary at all.
I agree that hitting on girls disturbs focus on other things -- just like the ones you mentioned.
Orgasm / ejaculation is the one of the (if not *the*) most addictive natural drugs that one can face. Certainly this makes it mentally harder if you opt to orgasm with a real partner instead of committing to full abstinance.
As such, I found hard mode to be way easier than easy mode, since the addiction aspect (orgasm / ejaculation) is missing.
The canon around here seems to be that you must have sex. My view is that this is a misconseption. Why would you? What would you have to give up? What time, energy and financial investments you would have to invest just to have sex? Are you really that weak that having sex has to give you self validation?

Above all, think for yourself, living by others' opinion will not get you to your happiness (either mine or others'). That can only be determined and reached by yourself alone.

HTH.

Thank you for that lengthy and honest reply.

It supports me in my choice on doing 90day PMO and then re-evaluating the "O".

Also you brought up the very interesting aspect of not caring about having sex. I like this idea. It is new to me.
...You need sex, you should not deny you this treat, you will miss out if you don't have (good) sex...
Apparently those beliefs are wired in my brain quite strongly.

A more positive mindset would be: If the universe - in form of a suitable mate - invites you to have sex, then go for it.
With no expecations, with clarity on needs and boundaries and - most importantly - with your head off and your feelings on.

Btw: I am only on day 2 and I experienced a few moments of "How fucking good is this life" ^^
....aaaand also some lows....

 

[Finn The Human]

You wont suffer any adverse effects by abstaining for a while, on the contrary. "Hard mode" is the real easy mode. It isnt easy by any stretch of the imagination but easi-er. During the reboot you likely have to distract yourself. Make nofap your number 1 priority and everything else secondary. It will be worth it. You dont neccessarily need to date during reboot. If you are single, you wont die from not getting off. It will certainly feel that way at times but thats your addiction speaking.

Personally I am going out there and meeting people. Here is my standard plan for any given day: Wake up, brew myself some coffee, munch some painkillers and wait for them to work, work on my business for at least 2 minutes (getting started is the worst part), spanish lessons, hit the gym, read in the gym lobby, head to the mall and cold approach (goal of interacting with 5 women a week), cold shower, meditate. If I feel a ton of urges and dont know what to do with myself, I usually find ways to distract myself. Go for a walk, cold shower or socialize is my go to activities. I am still rebooting and building my new life so my routines are frequently up for review.

Thank you for your reply and the insights on your routine!

 

[Deleted Account]

Thank you for that lengthy and honest reply.

It supports me in my choice on doing 90day PMO and then re-evaluating the "O".

Also you brought up the very interesting aspect of not caring about having sex. I like this idea. It is new to me.
...You need sex, you should not deny you this treat, you will miss out if you don't have (good) sex...
Apparently those beliefs are wired in my brain quite strongly.

A more positive mindset would be: If the universe - in form of a suitable mate - invites you to have sex, then go for it.
With no expecations, with clarity on needs and boundaries and - most importantly - with your head off and your feelings on.

Btw: I am only on day 2 and I experienced a few moments of "How fucking good is this life" ^^
....aaaand also some lows....

We as men are socially programmed to be sexually available all the time and that we need to have sex to be worthy as men.
My new, recent experience is that it is pretty healing to withdraw any energy from the topic and stick to the goal. I'm more proud of myself the longer i go and i can feel my confidence rise. I would have given myself easily for an attractive woman but refusing to be like this ("cheap") anymore restores my dignity and self esteem. The paradox part is you get more attractive to women the more you have and stick to your own set of morals and values like not being available that easily anymore.

What a lot of guys here not understand is that you do it for yourself and your growth and not for the women and sex (which is just short term gratification anyways). This enhances your chances of success by far

 

[Finn The Human]

We as men are socially programmed to be sexually available all the time and that we need to have sex to be worthy as men.
My new, recent experience is that it is pretty healing to withdraw any energy from the topic and stick to the goal. I'm more proud of myself the longer i go and i can feel my confidence rise. I would have given myself easily for an attractive woman but refusing to be like this ("cheap") anymore restores my dignity and self esteem. The paradox part is you get more attractive to women the more you have and stick to your own set of morals and values like not being available that easily anymore.

What a lot of guys here not understand is that you do it for yourself and your growth and not for the women and sex (which is just short term gratification anyways). This enhances your chances of success by far

Thank you! What a great reply.

Yes, here I am a 38 year old man who thinks has seen it all and is on a supperb path.... but still rejections from women (and even men) drag me down really deeply or trigger traumatic responses (chest tight, breathing difficult).
And sometimes I feel like I am on autopilot steered towards sex... which leads to me doing/saying things I regret and that brought me nowhere.

But! More and more the realisation of those feelings comes. The realisation and a (small) separation between those feelings/thoughts and me as the pilot of the human I inhabit.

Meditation helps greatly, seeing progress I already made helps greatly and communities like this, thank you!!

 

[Deleted Account]

Thank you! What a great reply.

Yes, here I am a 38 year old man who thinks has seen it all and is on a supperb path.... but still rejections from women (and even men) drag me down really deeply or trigger traumatic responses (chest tight, breathing difficult).
And sometimes I feel like I am on autopilot steered towards sex... which leads to me doing/saying things I regret and that brought me nowhere.

But! More and more the realisation of those feelings comes. The realisation and a (small) separation between those feelings/thoughts and me as the pilot of the human I inhabit.

Meditation helps greatly, seeing progress I already made helps greatly and communities like this, thank you!!

Thank you, too!

Yes, becoming aware of your thoughts, emotions and how they feel in the body is very important. You seem to be in close contact with your body and emotions which in my experience is elementary to the healing process. I remember having those kind of feelings in my chest a lot and over the years as i progressed in my trauma healing it switched more to my stomach/ gut area. There is some truth to the chakra theory.

Are you by any chance familiar with nonduality/ advaita vedanta?

I wish you all the best in your process, you seem to be on the right path!

 

[Finn The Human]

Thank you, too!

Yes, becoming aware of your thoughts, emotions and how they feel in the body is very important. You seem to be in close contact with your body and emotions which in my experience is elementary to the healing process. I remember having those kind of feelings in my chest a lot and over the years as i progressed in my trauma healing it switched more to my stomach/ gut area. There is some truth to the chakra theory.

Are you by any chance familiar with nonduality/ advaita vedanta?

I wish you all the best in your process, you seem to be on the right path!

Thank you so much for that heartful respone!

Fighting through trauma, that's what it is about. Breathing through it, instead of numbing it all down.

Non-Duality... yes, a part of me would say "Yeah, I know what they are talking about"... And another one would say "Ahhhh... forget about it, let all concepts go and feeeel".

 

[Deleted Account]

Thank you so much for that heartful respone!

Fighting through trauma, that's what it is about. Breathing through it, instead of numbing it all down.

Non-Duality... yes, a part of me would say "Yeah, I know what they are talking about"... And another one would say "Ahhhh... forget about it, let all concepts go and feeeel".

exactly right. it's rare to see people who understand the importance of trauma healing. going through and embracing your own pain and shadow is the way towards light and joy

 

[Deleted Account]

For me personally at the moment SR is really helpful to become more aware of my needy part and to enhance the healing process. Especially at night throughout sleep but also in everyday life. maybe it's something for you, too

 

[Finn The Human]

For me personally at the moment SR is really helpful to become more aware of my needy part and to enhance the healing process. Especially at night throughout sleep but also in everyday life. maybe it's something for you, too

SR?

 

[Deleted Account]

SR?

Semen retention

 

[JustALearner]

Hi Folks,

is it healthy to have no ejaculations for a prolonged period of time?

If I allow myself orgasms but no masturbations, do I make it mentally harder or easier?

Since I am not in a relationshop, orgasms but no masturbation also implies I "would need to get out there and try to get laid".... which sounds good but also dissipates my energy instead of focussing it on Yoga, meditation, reading, cooking for myself, meeting friends, doing work.
Any experience here?

Glad for you help / ideas / thoughts!

If your worried about energetic blockages in your lower chakras then don’t worry wet dreams will clear out the pipes