Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Queenie%Bee, Jun 22, 2019.
What if he doesn't choose to do so?
I just had no choice . We were downstairs and I asked him why he went to RI while I was in Aruba ( I looked up our banking since he said he paid cash for laptop ) atm in RI . HE DOESNT REMEMBER!!!!!!
I He started with oh is that what you've been doing ? Fishing ? Figured . I know your perfect I'm not. Kept saying he didn't remember didn't remember. I have never used my hands on him in anything but a loving way . I put my hands on him and threw my phone . That’s not me . I was standing he was sitting . I hit him /shoved him so hard in the heart . He said he felt like a caged husband. I told him after 30 days he can make the “playroom “his area . Or we can sell . This fucking porn addict brain says “ what’s that supposed to mean “
I can’t . I didn’t know if the boys heard anything . I had to text them upstairs I didn’t want them to come down . I’m always so so careful . Suffering in silence .
“ Your dad will be on the couch for atleast 30 days . He crossed a boundary I had and knew the consequences because he’s broken this boundary before . There’s a lot you don’t see that goes on in marriage. I’ve just protected you both . I’m not getting into details . You can ask him if you’d like . He may not say anything . I do love him very much . And I love you both very much . Has nothing to do w either of you . It’s adult stuff. Please don’t be afraid or worried. Let us be adults . I’m sorry I have to text you this . Face to face is too hard for me right now . Don’t let this affect your love for him please “
I don’t care at this point if you think I did the wrong thing . Better to hear that than the actual fucking truth . And he would never take the mask off even to protect his kids
From an SO side...I totally understand your frustration and anger. And trying to protect your adult kids.
From a neutral side: what are you protecting them from? Yes it's adult stuff and marriage has a lot of issues but...by hiding the truth in my opinion that isn't protecting your young adult boys from potentially making the same mistake and not understanding issues that can and too often do come up in marriage with this problem.
They are probably even more confused and see and hear their mom upset and have no idea why. If their father won't say why then you have every right to tell them (not details), but that he's been using porn and no woman is okay with that.
Say it right in front of their father.
You cant protect them from real life or they won't learn right from wrong unless they God forbid have to go through this or end up somehow not in the addiction.
Your boys are going to be stressed and looking for a way to pacify that too if they dont have anyone to talk to and the whole family is closed up.
This is just my opinion please know that.
And please...I know you're upset but dont use your anger in violence...it's not good for anyone
I can’t believe I did that . I 100% agree with everything you have said . My therapist was against me telling them the “what “
Its okay... we have our moments. Get some air. Then reapproach. You owe your husband an apology for laying hands on him. You know that
Then determine how you want to handle the boys with your husband. It's time he comes clean to them at least in the truth and accountability. You both may be surprised at the fact that they aren't kids anymore...its hard because we still see them that way.
Truthfully I couldn't believe how mature our son was and handled this issue. He even vowed he would never look at girls the way he used to and when he was in college if he met a nice girl who he was friends with a long time maybe he'd ask her out. He even makes comments now when we are out about girls wearing skinny clothes and how they don't respect themselves enough and should instead of dressing like that. Our son is 15 only.
First thing is first....step outside and catch your breath
Prayers and hugs to you
My adult sons handled it very well and one offered advise as to how and why theses things happen. It’s an addiction...there is no shame..the shame lies in the secrets...after all.
We are only as sick as our secrets.