Three Month Downward Spiral After First Relapse... Seeking Advice / Rant

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by EricKungFooled, Sep 29, 2018.

  1. EricKungFooled

    EricKungFooled Fapstronaut

    A few months ago I had achieved my first 60 day streak and was feeling pretty good about myself despite always being horny AF. During the past year I have been going through a brutal divorce which eventually caused me to relapse due to the stress of the situation.

    My relapse started with just a MO session and I was surprised how sensitive I was. I am pretty sure my PE issues were cured or close to it. After that came the chaser effects and I eventually caved into PMO and it just got worse. From once a day to eight to ten times a day. The trigger was boredom, depression, loneliness, divorce guilt... I used it whatever chance I got to forgot about my problems for even a few moments. Despite trying to get back to nofap, I can't last more than a few days at a time.

    Now a few months later, my PE issues have come back worse than ever. Even with porn it takes a lot of effort and life is just overall very dull. I've gained a few pounds because I try to fill the void I feel with porn and sweets. Neither of which actually bring me any happiness compared to when I was into my 30 day streak. I'm still trying but I keep failing because I rationalize that I will probably not date for a few years minimum. Which is where I need advice.

    Now my divorce is over my situation has changed and that will prevent me from dating for a few years. I have majority custody of two young kids who are in pre-school. Other than 3 hours in the morning, I am a full time single dad which I usually need to spend either working, buying groceries or other dad related duties.
    Until the kids are a little older, I don't think I will have the time or patience to date. I am increasingly lonely and don't have anyone to talk to or connect with. This is why I keep going back to porn because despite the other benefits of NoFap, the main reason I do it is to reverse the PE issues.

    After a few days, I start to rationalize that my sex life is over for a few years so why add more stress to my life with NoFap. Although I know it is just my brain playing tricks on me it still gets me every time.

    1) Should I forget dating completely until my kids are at least a few years older (8 and 5 right now). If yes, how can I motivate myself to do NoFap when it doesn't really matter if I have PE because of above.
    2) I feel like I'm being selfish but I have not had sex in nearly 18 months with 4 of those months in NOFAP PMO. What other alternatives are there? I'm very close to caving and getting a escort just to get focused and get my mind on more important things.
  2. SirErnest

    SirErnest Fapstronaut

    Don't think I have the skill set to contribute much, but I would remind you to give yourself credit for doing 60 days, plus still dwelling on the issue.
    You want to improve, so you will. All you need is to decide if this is the right time, and then stick to it.
    I imagine your kids and wider family and friends would probably gain from you quitting sooner rather than later.
    Don't forget to get new habits in place!
    Good luck man
  3. Immature

    Immature Fapstronaut

    This can end up as a trade of one addiction for another. An escort addiction can be heinously expensive and time-consuming. I know this from experience.

    It sounds like you are young enough to explore the occasional hookup, or perhaps even a real relationship, in spite of your comitments.

    Other than a real relationship, I don't have an answer for you, though. For a whole different set of reasons (age, appearance, personality issues) I also feel that I have no other outlet.

    But I'm having to hold off - things have been spinning out of control.

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