Three Weeks Later, I Still Feel Guilty

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Rog, Jul 22, 2016.

  1. Rog

    Rog Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys, I'm still new-ish around here, but hopefully I'm in the right place. Today will be day 21 of hardmode for me, but I'm really starting to feel myself break down. My health's not the best in a lot of physical and psychological areas, really, but I'm working on maintaining a healthy lifestyle as best I can. Certainly willpower is correlated to general health, but I'm most concerned about my feelings of guilt... I don't know where they're coming from. That all-too-familiar feeling of just having PMO'd keeps washing over me, especially when I'm alone, and I've found that the guilt of feeling like I just jerked off depresses me to the point that I'm nearly tempted to. Add to that, the cravings just started kicking in again a couple of days ago, and the guilt of "I'm going to fail again eventually" nudges me ever closer to just indulging in my own perceived inadequacy. Historically, too, I've always caved in when I was feeling like crap: I never felt the need to masturbate on a good day. I don't suppose anyone has any thoughts, advice, suggestions? Even ideas for a temporary fix are welcomed: if I can just make it one day at a time up to day 30, hopefully my hormones will balance out again and the rest of the way will go smoother. Thanks!
     
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  2. TheDancingPotato

    TheDancingPotato Fapstronaut

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    Be strong and focus your attention on something else. if you have an erection just let it pass. Go outside, do some exercises, watch a movie just don't focus on failing to much.
     
    Rog likes this.
  3. Galarian Milo

    Galarian Milo Fapstronaut

    Do you keep a record of how many days you have been strong and resisted the urge of PMO? I'm a very visual person and seeing my progress in a tangible way helps me to focus in my progress rather than feeling guilty.

    " be patient with yourself. Perfection comes not in this life but in the next life. Don’t demand things that are unreasonable, but demand of yourself improvement. As you let the Lord help you through that, he will make the difference." - Russel M. Nelson

    You can do it Rog! We are all cheering for you!
     
    Rog likes this.
  4. dannylomora

    dannylomora Fapstronaut

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    There are no answers or Magic pill to the withdraw symptoms. Once you are able to really, really understand that, live with that, and comprehend it; then you will be able to move forward. If you don't, you will fail. To many times we look for answers that are not there, and with porn/masturbation, there are none. Short of inpatient hospitalization, where you are removed from the world ( your computer and the real world triggers ) and medicated; will, faith, emotional, mental, and physical sacrifice, are the only true measures to beat this thing. If you can arrange one, a fabulous tool that has no equal is being able to speak with somebody about your problems with this addiction. And I mean talk at all hours of the day and night, no different then Heroin addicts who have accountability partners. And hormones have nothing to do with this. Hormones are a healthy thing. I guarantee you there are men of your age group who have just as much or higher hormonal production as you ; but they are not addicted masturbating to porn. Don't blame Hormones. Be prepared for the withdraws, remove yourself from the room, go outside, take a shower, sing, etc. There are hundreds of things you can do to remove yourself from the environment of the symptom. And guess what you might have to do this multiple times a day, multiple, multiple times a week. You have to be prepared to fight the withdraw and urges. Preparation to any battle is the key to victory my friend. Prepare your mind, body, and soul. Porn/masturbation addiction is a Fucking monster. It will eat you alive if you don't prepare yourself to fight and beat it. BUT, it's very beatable, cause it's all in your mind. And only you control your mind.
     
    Rog likes this.
  5. Rog

    Rog Fapstronaut

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    Thanks y'all--I appreciate the support. I do have a calendar that I made on PowerPoint: I mark days I failed in red with the number of times and success days as green, and I also mark down new highest streak days and monthly averages. On the one hand, it helps a lot, in the sense that I always think to myself, "This entire month is green so far--do I really wanna screw that up now?" At the same time, I look back at all the times where it's "green... 2... 3... green... 3... 1... green..." and I think to myself, "Crud, it was just last month I was PMOing about five times a week on average. It's just a matter of time before I start binging like that again."

    I guess the tool is only useful insofar as my mindset is properly disposed. I try to see the calendar as a marker of my progress, but I guess I'm just ashamed that I even have to keep one. Maybe I just need to realize that what I really want is the guilt to go away, but I want to do that by just losing my sense of shame altogether and completely indulging in my carnal desires. I know I could never actually get away with that: as soon as fun time ends and clean-up time begins, I feel the lowest of the low. It's always that way... going back to old habits can never be a viable option if I really want to feel better about myself.

    On that note, maybe I also should care less about how I feel and more about how I am. Even if staying chaste meant a world of misery, it would still be the better way to live. Objectifying other people is wrong. And as long as I care so much about how I feel, I'll always be tempted to make myself feel better in the moment by giving in rather than feeling better in the long term by staying my lust. I guess my quest to give up PMO has been rather selfish up to this point, but it doesn't have to be.

    I'll try to focus on being better spiritually, but since I don't have a magic mirror in which I can see the state of my soul, I will try harder to become more physically fit. It will make me a better person on the whole, and maybe it will make me feel less insecure about myself--another personal flaw that contributes to my addiction. Thanks again guys--your words really do help.
     
  6. Galarian Milo

    Galarian Milo Fapstronaut

    You seem to have the right mindset to tackle this problem. For many it's all about trial and error in order to quit their addiction and never losing hope :)
    If you think it could help you to have an accountability buddy, I would be more than glad to help. It would also be helpful for me. Just think about it.

    "Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with suretyhope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God." -Ether 4:12

    There is always hope for a better day. Keep trying! :)

    I believe that as you acknowledge your need for your Savior in your life, your feelings of guilt can be swap away :)

    And I think it's great you want to set some goals for you (like being physically fit) I have noticed that the more concerned I am to help others, the easier that it's for me to resist the temptation to PMO. Find someone to help this weekend and see if that helps to ease your desire to PMO :)
     
  7. Rog

    Rog Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing when I was writing my last journal entry... if I can just make one helpful or positive post on these forums each day, it does a couple things. For one, it raises the stakes: PMOing after that becomes more than just a moment of weakness--it becomes somewhat hypocritical. You must have been *wanting* to fail, at least to some extent, if you help someone in their struggle, start to get ready for bed, and then PMO. But more importantly, it's hard to underestimate the power of charity. It's a reward in and of itself, and I can't imagine God would overlook it either.

    If you want to try out the accountability partner thing, I might be down, but I'll be honest... I'm not entirely sure my heart is in the right place. I've always used the justification that other people PMO as a reason for doing it myself. Actually, it's more than that: I guess it kinda turns me on even, seeing my all the tissue wads in my roommate's waste bin and knowing what he was up to while I've been away at class. Maybe that makes me a bad candidate. I mean, I'd never try to convince someone to PMO just so I feel better about myself--I'm no saint, but I'm not that low--but maybe I would use any of my partner's resets as fuel for my imagination. Typing this for the first time, I'm just now realizing how gross this--eh, "fetish?"--of mine actually is. Anyway, your thoughts would again be appreciated.
     
  8. cstguy

    cstguy Fapstronaut

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    Hey...Well I made it to July 18th which put me at 15 days No PMO and then a relapse. Yikes, I wasn't even looking for porn, my smart phone APP rejected any attempts to access it...dam..it was a you tube segment that unhinged me. I refuse to deal in shame, this is a tricky process when one deals in lust and loneliness at the same time along with the vast wasteland of images surrounding you on the internet. If one has to look on the bright side, I felt calmer and even felt that my response to arousal had improved so I have hope in that sense. This is tough and takes real focus.

    It took me a few days to admit that I have to start over. but I need to. I am trying to eliminate more "trap doors" in my way to success.
    CSTGUY
     
  9. Rog

    Rog Fapstronaut

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    I sympathize with that attitude. I wish I could embrace it more fully, but really, we're surrounded by "facts" about the wonderful health benefits of masturbation: stress relief, reduced cancer risk, not to mention that it's just fun. What reason does that leave me with for quitting? To preserve my dignity, really, which means that giving in to temptation means feeling undignified--ashamed.

    True, there are the nay-sayers who condemn PMO because of the effects it has on self-esteem, views of women, general productivity, etc. But that all just boils down to going about it with the right mindset, right? With the right mindset, maybe masturbation wouldn't be so "bad for you" in the psycho-social sense, and would even be good physically. Instead of spending all my time developing the right mindset to keep my hands off myself, I could spend my time developing a mindset that would allow my time with my big guy to be "healthier."

    But I don't want to do that. There are all sorts of ways I feel like I could be a "better person" if I just did the wrong thing now and then. But it's more or less because I wouldn't be able to live with myself that I don't do those things. I'd like to say I don't do them because they're wrong, and that I always want to do good rather than bad, but it'd be a lie. There are loads of times I'd just love to do the wrong thing. My religious beliefs alone don't keep my lust in check: I love God, but if I'm going to be perfectly honest, I love myself more, at least in moments of weakness. It's only my sense of shame that gets me through those times. My real problem is just that I never turn it off. I feel ashamed simply for wanting to PMO. I think that that's where I'm going wrong, but I dunno, maybe you're right. Maybe shame really does have no use. I'll think about it some more.
     
  10. Galarian Milo

    Galarian Milo Fapstronaut

    Just be careful Rog when you take this so called "benefits" into consideration...just think of the source from where these arguments are coming from... people and friends who masturbate on a regular basis and maybe are trying to normalize the behavior by accepting those claims? scientific articles? the porn industry is a billion-making industry and may have the power to influence some of the research done in this area, so keep that in mind.

    Benefits I have heard from masturbation are things like, it keeps your penis healthy, and it's a stress reliever. What people conveniently forget to mention is that your body (through wet dreams and other processes) has already provided a way to warrant healthy sexual functioning. And in terms of stress relief there are SO MANY OTHERS THINGS YOU CAN DO THAT WILL YIELD THE SAME IF NOT GREATER STRESS RELIEF, like working out, watching a movie with friends, spending time with love ones, set S.M.A.R.T. goals, mindfulness, self care or simply tackling the source of your stress in a healthy manner.

    So masturbation is not unique on its benefits. What people also forget to mention sadly is that masturbation rewires your brain, makes you create tolerance to more crude and unnatural sex stimuli and seems to be linked to depression and the rewiring of the brain messes up with your neurotransmitters. To say nothing about the physical problems that may carry for you and your penis (sexual dysfunction, finishing too quickly or not being able to finish at all).

    So masturbating for the benefits is sorta like smoking a cigarette daily just because "it mellows you out" while pretending it's not affecting your health in significant ways.

    And spiritually, it dulls your ability to listen to the promptings of the spirit. It creates a barrier between you and your Heavenly Father. In my opinion that's part of the guilt someone may feel; knowing that you have distanced yourself from your Father in heaven. But the moment you start doing things to regain this connection (serving others, living a meaningful life) I think you will start feeling little by little how your feelings of guilt are removed. And hey! do not get discouraged! if it takes you months/years to kick PMO out of your life, that is normal! I still struggle with it... I fall short almost every 3 - 6 weeks. I am 25 now, but when I was 16-17 yo I would masturbate 4 times a day if I had the chance. It's all about moving forward. Twice I have been cleaned of PMO for over a year each time so improvement does happen :)
     
  11. Galarian Milo

    Galarian Milo Fapstronaut

    Also Rog, what religion are you? PM I think we have lots to talk about :)
     
  12. dannylomora

    dannylomora Fapstronaut

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    Masturbation is a healthy thing, masturbation to excess, to porn, is not. Healthy not in the terms of dieting or drinking water instead of soda or juice, but healthy in the way of expressing or releasing sexuality. Those of us who are or were addicted to porn/masturbation have to approach masturbation much differently then those men who are not. To compare masturbation to smoking a cigarette on any level is beyond Moronic.
     
  13. Galarian Milo

    Galarian Milo Fapstronaut

    @dannylomora: we can disagree and have different views and that's totally fine. This is a community built in respect and mutual support, so I find your use of the word "moronic" out of place. Be kind in your online interactions, for kindness goes a long way :) thanks for sharing your point of view on the subject. Your differentiation between MO and PMO is definitely relevant to the concerns expressed in this thread and it's both useful and appreciated :)
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2016

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