Three years into the journey- new chapter

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by newman_unleashed, Mar 8, 2016.

  1. newman_unleashed

    newman_unleashed Fapstronaut

    When I signed up on the nofap forums I put the words "new man" in my user name, mainly to remind me of what I was trying to do- become a new, better man. I did not imagine that I could become one in such a short period of time.

    I had struggled off and on with PMO for over a decade. I was lonely, I felt worthless, and I had almost lost hope. Every time I made progress, life would kick me back down and beat me again. Alcoholic father, major health scares, separation of my parents, death of my father, mother's drug addictions, family hatred, more health problems...
    I never got a break it seemed. I had spent two years in therapy to deal with shame and anxiety, only to have my therapist close her practice to take another position at a hospital- this just as I was actually beginning to trust her. Another person who I could not count on. No one cared about me, and the PMO completely overtook my life.

    When I found nofap 2 years ago I immediately signed up and made 45 days. Then failed. And failed again. And again. I tried everything- content blockers, limiting my computer time, and all sorts of other controls and distractions with little success. I do not know what made me finally just say no more, but whatever it was a few months ago, I was ready. I was not going to grow old wasting my life jerking off (I am 35). My life was still salvageable, and I wanted to live and be fulfilled.

    One big motivator has been that a week after I started this last streak I rekindled a relationship with a girl I met several years ago. She lives 1200 miles away. At first we talked once a week on the phone, then texted more often, then the face timing started. It has been unbelievable the things we have in common and the shared way we see the world. We are now in a serious committed relationship, and I am going to see her in a couple days. We talk about everything. We both have baggage and we are both okay with it. I dare say that her life has been harder than mine and that she still has some things that she will have to heal from. We will have hard times, no doubt, but she is my best friend and we are in it together. Having gone through what I have gives me the confidence that I can make it through whatever life may throw our way. Good or bad, we seem to be growing together and closer everyday. It is a huge departure from the fake intimacy that porn offers. Get in a real relationship if you want to. It is imminently more rewarding than PMO. Even if for some reason this relationship fails, I now know what a healthy relationship is and can search another one out. Never would have happened if I had not stopped watching porn.

    I no longer have the desire to fap. Occasionally I will want to look at pictures or videos of women dancing seductively or scantily clad, but I am learning not to give in to those urges. I don't fantasize anymore. I am in the present. For some reason if it is not with a real woman in a real relationship I just am not interested. My gf and I are both virgins and will stay that way until we are married (if that happens, which it is looking more likely all the time). I am thankful that I am developing self control now before I sleep with a woman. I don't even want to think about how my brain would react or how my partner would feel if I was PMO'ing all the time and then started having sex (especially after reading the experiences in the "Relationships" sub-forum).

    I will also say that, now that I am not burying emotions with PMO, I am on a bit of a roller coaster of feelings. I feel incredibly happy at times and then other times I just cry (for many reasons- myself, my family, my gf). I am facing my issues and demons head on, which is uncomfortable at times, but very rewarding. I tell my gf what is going on in my head. She loves me for letting her in and she is proud of who I am in spite of my past. In fact, she cares about me more because of my victories. This is living. I would rather deal with this then be numb. Besides, I am leveling off more each week anyways, so I doubt I stay like this. Most importantly, I realize that my baggage is MINE. No one can carry it for me. But I am strong enough to do it. I prove that to myself everyday now.

    I look people in the eye. I say what I think. Women have been hitting on me left and right. People respect me. My business is thriving. My incredibly beautiful girlfriend is crazy about me. I feel like a man. I have a clean conscience. I am real. I watch less TV and spend less time on the internet. I quit social networking cold turkey. I am outside more. I am healthier. Even though I am scared to death about the future and relationships and even my own success, I have the strength to sweat it out and let myself be rewarded and happy. It's new. It's addictive.

    If you need any motivation to quit PMO, take my case as such. Less than 3 months and my life is already more than I dreamed it could be.
    I feel like the sky is the limit because really, it is.

    Update 3/31/16: I have reset 3 times in the past week. It seems like I am self-destructing just when I started to feel like I was really winning. I have done this before. Self-esteem issues- like I don't deserve to be happy so I act out. This battle is a tough one. It takes long term commitment. It takes self awareness and self discipline. I need to clear my head and get back at it. What I wrote above was real. Going to go get that back.
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2016
  2. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest


    I am so happy for you. It seems like everything has come together for you and you've found your soulmate. I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason and your story just confirms that belief even more. You could have easily given up hope but you've kept your head up high and have persevered through all the pain to come out on top of the world.

    Hearing you go into detail about your specific previous issues has also struck a cord with me because I have been guilty of making excuses for myself and purposely holding myself back because my thoughts tell me I can't do it. In these last few years through losing a bunch of weight, running a marathon, going almost 2 months without pmo and finally approaching girls like I should have been all these years I have realized that the only thing holding me back was my mindset.

    I too have the roller coaster feelings, sometimes I have them multiple times in the same day! My sad emotions are simply my memories of telling myself I can't or it's not possible for me, but thankfully they are overshadowed greatly by my good emotions. Just the simple act of talking to a girl brings a ray of sunlight into my life I've never felt before.

    Stay strong man, you're a true inspiration!
  3. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

    Damn Newman that's wonderful!!
    Hope your visit with the gf goes great.
    You the man!
  4. tarzaan

    tarzaan Fapstronaut

    hey well done man and good luck to you, im a newbie, so i would appreciate any type of help from you,

    PotentLife and Bryaan like this.
  5. shutdown66

    shutdown66 Fapstronaut

    great post man, exceptionally lovely post to read, good luck to you and your gf.
  6. Dogwood

    Dogwood Fapstronaut

    PotentLife likes this.
  7. Harvey Specter

    Harvey Specter New Fapstronaut

  8. Alright11197

    Alright11197 New Fapstronaut

    This is amazing man , live n love
    SiphoMoses08 likes this.
  9. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

    Awesome to hear about your transformation Newman.

    Happy the man, and happy he alone,
    He, who can call today his own:
    He who, secure within, can say:
    To-morrow, do thy worst, for I have liv'd today.

    Alyx87 and lkjhgfdsa like this.
  10. newman_unleashed

    newman_unleashed Fapstronaut

    Reset today. After a weekend with my gf (no sex), the stress and drain of traveling, and my ongoing fight against my inner demons, I caved this morning. Feeling overwhelmed with relationship/ commitment fears. P/subs on youtube, a little edging, then out of nowhere O.

    I hate that I did not make 90 days, but as my journey is a long one with no end planned, I view this is as a minor bump. I'm not crushed, and I am not going to binge or even look at P. I actually feel a little relieved that I know I am not perfect. Takes a little of the pressure off. Now I can focus on the process and stop worrying so much about my counter.

    Everything I wrote in the first post is absolutely true. We just have to keep fighting.
    Last edited: Mar 15, 2016
  11. Napav

    Napav Fapstronaut

    Really feeling happy, after reading your post. Have a great life ahead man. Do something good even for the society.
  12. Landomike

    Landomike Fapstronaut

    I edged today after watching a video talking about a certain Celebrity's nude selfie 'leak'. That turned into a Google image hunt, then turned into searching for images regarding my old favorite p category. Nothing creepy or really disgusting, started edging. I imagined how wonderful it would be to have been to have sex with the women in those pictures. To have felt their sweating bodies against mine. The smells. The sounds. Damn. The feelings I had were overwhelming me. (Sorry if this triggers you) Finishing sounded so great. I thought, 'why do I do this anyway? Nofap is a waste of fucking time, finish'. Then, it hit me. I am stronger than this. I'm 24 days in, I must be coming out of flatline, I cannot do this, I must stop, stop now. Pre cum was as far as I got. I stopped. Dumped the history and took a shower cause I had just woken up from a post work nap. Then, I Made a trip to Starbucks, needed to get away.

    I became a stronger man this evening at about 5:45pm. It's hard imaging that I've made it this far, I should start giving myself more credit.

    If I can do it, you most certainly can as well. I'm just a 20 year old kid, conscious that he has a life to live and damn well deserves to fucking live it. Fuck those who criticize you for for nofap for they are spineless cunts that want others to dictate their moral compass, how they think, how they feel about women being tortured by pornography and trafficked, how it's destroying famlies, marriages and you're fellows man drive to be a fucking man. It's destroying you (naysayers) aswell but you don't give a fuck cause you're new favorite p star has a new scene taking it up the ass for a few hundred dollars more than the regular checks. You thrive off seeing others having their soul sucked out of them, women who could've had beautiful children and loving husbands who cherished them for who they are as women, not their cup size or what nasty, painful, fantasies they'll do.

    Please, do this for yourself. Do the work now cause no ones going to do it for you. Quit.
  13. Landomike

    Landomike Fapstronaut

    Stay strong brother
  14. newman_unleashed

    newman_unleashed Fapstronaut


    I'm doing fine, bro. It's okay.
    I will say that your post was a bit more graphic than I cared for. LOL
    Keep it up. It gets easier the longer you hang tough.
    KLTNS likes this.
  15. Landomike

    Landomike Fapstronaut

    Sorry man I typed what I felt. If you want to delete it, I'm cool with it. It came from the heart. I'm starting to take this more serious.
    Awakeatlast and NF SINCE BIRTH like this.
  16. tarzaan

    tarzaan Fapstronaut

    stay strong bruv...resspect
    i had a strong urge last night and even today morning, but then i thought about and thought fuck this, i am not gonna giv into this.
    now im just alittle worried coz the craving mi8 come back stronga...but anyways ima giv a 110% not to MO
    Present Kid and NF SINCE BIRTH like this.
  17. Sushmit

    Sushmit Fapstronaut

    Great post man.really inspiring :)
  18. HopeFaith

    HopeFaith Fapstronaut

    Love your post, it is truly inspiring! Being honest and letting people into our private struggles is certainly the way forward. I hope all goes well with you and your girl.
    SiphoMoses08 likes this.
  19. Serial1

    Serial1 Fapstronaut

    Keep with it brother. It's a good struggle.
  20. Danielson28

    Danielson28 Fapstronaut

    This is an absolutely fantastic post. Hope everything goes well for your future
    SiphoMoses08 likes this.

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