Through The Fog

Just feeling like I wanna relapse so bad rn. Today is just one of those days that remind me how insignificant in the grand scheme of things I really am. I feel alone and even though I have friends to call they're busy with their own lives to be bothered with me. I don't like calling them or anyone when I'm like this. At the same time I feel this distance from everyone and even further away from myself. I should be doing something more productive today instead of letting my brain ruminate so much I want to look at P but I can't. I hate myself. I refuse to ruin my streak but it just feels like I'm not worth anything most days. The other part of me says "do it. Pmo. You'll feel good about yourself and get those feel good chemicals" I just want to be able to feel ok again after everything